Mutual affairs with BM
I haven't posted since this summer when I had concerns about my two adult SDs. Most of the advice I received was to back off and let DH do more concerning them. I have, and I'm ashamed to say we haven't seen the girls since early summer. I haven't called them often, and obviously DH hasn't either. He loves them, just as he loves his mom and brothers, but seeing them a couple of times a year seems to be enough.
I feel like I need to give a little background on our history. DH and his ex started their divorce in 97, and it wasn't over until 02. We met in 99 and were married in 02. We had full custody of oldest daughter, who had had no contact with BM since 97. (The younger SD and SS would visit us every other weekend.) Early in the divorce proceedings, older SD accused BM of abuse and took dad's side, so BM refused any contact with her for almost 6 years. A few years ago, SD23 and BM patched things up. Then SD23 became engaged. We planned a shower for her, but we could never pin her down on a day. Then suddenly, she informed us that "Mom" was planning her a shower, and DH's side of the family would be invited. She did NOT want us to host a shower for her, which hurt us deeply. She said that we should all get along with each other. I sent a gift, but did not go to the shower. No one from DH's side went. BM is evil incarnate - she's stolen from us, broken into our house, lied under oath, lied to the children about us, friviously sued us, and I could go on. The point is, it's hard to forgive and forget the things she's done.
Now, SD23 has called to invite us to grandchild's first birthday party. We certainly want to go, but we're sure BM will be there. We haven't seen or spoken to her outside a courtroom EVER. How do we handle being in the same room with her? SD wants us to be one big, happy family, but that's not going to happen!