thinking of silver's SM...

parent_of_oneDecember 27, 2010

Silver's SM was on my mind the entire time we visited older SD out of state. We were there only 3 days. And the entire time i was thinking I should behave like Silver's SM in order to get some proper treatment. LOL (Just kidding)

They invited us, we did not barge on them. I get along with SD yet it is just not right to be such a bad host...It was my first time in their place, she used to be with us every single holiday and break so I never had a chance to visit...I was warned by younger SD but here goes...

1. there was no food at all because SD wants her DH to lose weight (he is not overweight just is not skinny)

  1. they did not do food shopping for us at all but it was rather complicated for us to go shopping there (unfamiliar city area, no car and so on)

3. We weren't offered any meals, any snacks or any brekfast

4. SO offered to take them out-well we have to eat! (dinners and lunches) and they got excited, chose the most expensive restaurants and the most expensive meals, all of a sudden SD forgot her DH has to be on a diet.

5. the only time SD was willing to pay (for herself only) in a coffee shop once ordering herself beverages and deserts and never asking if anyone wants anything.

  1. they slept very late and we had to sit around quietly (small apartment), no breakfast, we did make ourselves teas and coffees and sat there waiting

7. they went to bed early, turning off TV and turning off all the lights in a living room so we were forced to go to the bedroom, luckily we had god books with us so we could read

7. I understand that gifts are not important, thoughts is what counts, but we got probably the worst gifts in our lives even though we got them EVERYTHING on their wish list

8. SD was in a bad mood as always (SO kept saying she is just hormonal, no, she is always this way) being very cold and withdrawn

9. we had to go to SD's in-laws for dinner, we arrived at 6, dinner was served at 9:15PM (yeap no exaggeration), we sat for three hours while they did their own thing. And at 9:15PM we were served pork. LOL I am Jewish, OK I don't look like one and my name is not particularly ethnic, let's assume they did not know (although SD could tell them). But SO is Muslim (not devout but still). they know he is Muslim, they must know, his name, looks, country of origin in combination do not suggest anything different (of course he would be of a different persuasion from whatever ethnicity but some names just clearly indicate one is Muslim). In fact if they knew SD's maiden name they knew her dad's ethnicity/religion/culture. Of course we did not eat pork, just ate dry rice LOL

10. When we were leaving neither SD not DH hid their excitement we were leaving. (SO pointed out to me how obvious it is) and we were excellent guests, we never bothered anyone, and really we were there for less than 3 days! And she is always upset that dad does not visit. But when he visits that's what he gets! In the past when he visited he came back upset and angry and complaining of poor treatment. Now i see why!

11. I can't care less myself, I can put up with this, not my kid, but I feel bad for SO, he is very devout father and he spoiled them rotten and now that's how they treat him...

Silver's SM should have SD like mine, not like silver, see how she would survive this kind of host...

PS Just to add both SD and her DH are very well off

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"And at 9:15PM we were served pork....I am Jewish....SO is Muslim" LOL! I have to laugh because I am just imagining the expressions on your faces when, after waiting more than three hours for dinner, your hosts appeared saying "Miriam, Mohammed - here's a nice pork roast for dinner with a side of shrimp and crab fettucini!" Ha ha ha ha!

Honestly, some people are just so ignorant (as in ill-informed) that they probably did not think twice about what they were serving. It would have been nice if SD would have said something, though. If she did and they were still so rude as to have served pork then she had no business having you go there for dinner.

I bet you're glad to be home.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 5:59PM
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I know...haha I actually was so hungry that I was ready to eat whatever. "Mohammed, please have your pork dish" LOL mattie, you got it pretty close actually, his name is not that obviously Muslim but still his name is clearly not Catholic. We do eat shrimp actually, we are not traditional or religious, but big chunks of pork is a bit pushing it LOL

I don't think SD said anything or that they care what we eat, they do know SO is Muslim, they just do not care. SD's in-laws are very very bad hosts, I have known it for years just have never witnessed it. And FIL talked the entire time about SD's BM, to everyone around him, with me right there. And BIL texted someone the entire evening. They have awful manners and SD is copying them. My SO is excellent host and he always tried to teach his DDs, i guess they did not learn anything, certainly not older SD.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 6:40PM
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I forgot to add that there was also nothing in the guest bathroom that we could use. When we have guests we stock guest bathroom with items that people could actually use in the shower like body wash, wash clothes and so on. We also consider if guests are males or females. There was one small washcloth hanging(one for two people for 3 days?), luckily I brought shampoo and body wash and hair dryer. I am tempted to treat SD the same way next time but i just don't have it in me, can't be like this. We are still recovering from it.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 7:33PM
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ok, I just have to say something on this:
"7. I understand that gifts are not important, thoughts is what counts, but we got probably the worst gifts in our lives even though we got them EVERYTHING on their wish list."

SERIOUSLY? Adults have wish lists?? I haven't made, much less given, my parents a Christmas list since I was maybe 15. I won't even make one for my husband! Gift are about giving, not receiving. Am I the only one who finds this disgusting?? Since when is it a parent's job to fulfill their adult children's wish lists? Save your money and fulfill it yourselves, you mooches!!

Sorry. That just really rubs me the wrong way.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 9:17PM
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yes, JNM, they give a list, it is very extensive. SO does not buy as much as he used to, it used to add up to $1000 easily. Since he stopped spending as much, relationship with SD is not as great. It would be OK if they said they want one particular thing, but they send a list of 10 items, this year SO told them to stop at 5 items. Yes JNM it is disgusting.

They have the money, they do very well. They are not in financial need.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 11:18PM
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I confess. I gave DH a wish list this year... but it was about ten things I wouldn't mind getting. Last year, he was clueless about what to get me. So this year I gave him a list of a few things to give him ideas. To me, that is all a list is... ideas. SD gave DH a list... she wanted an iPod, laptop, video game system, probably all totaling $5000 or more if her were to fulfill it. Not happening. I bought her quite a few things but only one thing from her list.

and making you wait 3 hours to eat.. that's plain rude! I cooked dinner for 32 people & everyone was told the time it would be served. I am not kidding that I stayed up until 4am cooking, slept for a couple of hours & finished cooking all morning (woke up at 6:30). Dinner was done on time and everyone except SIL & BIL were at least an hour late. The food was cold & I could barely stay awake. We planned the time around my other SIL because she had to work so we set dinner early so she could be there. My brother was among the late comers & SIL didn't even come with him. Next year, I may go out of town.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 1:25AM
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My brothers and I do wish lists for each other. We get each other things like books, CD's or DVDs for a present, and we all have a good idea of what each other's tastes are - the question is whether or not someone has already purchased a book that was released two months before or not! So they're not so much "wish lists" as "if you can't find a present that's not on this list, and you're desperate, tired and frazzled from shopping, resort to to this...." For us it's more of a courtesy to each other than anything we necessarily expect to get, and presents which are not on the list are always the most fun.

Ima, that is just awful. We usually make Christmas Day brunch; it's buffet style, and it takes all day Christmas Eve and hours on Christmas morning to prepare - I do not even want to think about how long it would take to make dinner for 32. That is just appalling to show up that late after you went to such great effort.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 9:36AM
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wish lists are fine, if it does not mean one needs to get EVERYTHING on the list and if it does not mean those are extravagant items. I always ask DD what she wants so I don't get stuff she does not want or need. She usually tells me one item she truly needs. Of course she gets more but it is important she gets what is necessary for her functioning and what makes her life easier (like her printer broke, she needs a new one, or running shoes fell apart). DD is in financial need, and she is not demanding 10 expensive items.

Ima, 32 people...forget it...I don't even know 32 people let alone inviting them over. LOL Yes i suggest next year you go out of town. LOL

mattie i also give my brother a wish list (of just one item) because my brother gets me the most stupid ridiculous embarrassing gifts unless he is told specifically what to get. But again one inexpensive item not 10. My brother is cheap, he would not get me 10 items even if i ask.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 10:34AM
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"Since he stopped spending as much, relationship with SD is not as great."

Well, there ya go.

not sure if the best term is blackmail or extortion, but...

there ya go.

A lesson I learned early on in selling real estate is that, if the transaction is more important to me than to the buyer or the seller, I'm gonna get used, taken advantage of, beaten up fnancially.

I think the two of you did receive a great Christmas present-
excellent excellent reasons to do something else next Christmas.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 10:44AM
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sylvia, when i first met SO he told me that older SD (younger does not care) is always siding with whoever gets her more expensive things and spends more money on her.I had hard time believing it, but he was right. it used to be dad so she was with dad 24/7. We could not even go anywhere just two of us SD was glued to our hip because he paid for everything, bought airplane tickets etc (if you recall I had complains that we had no time for ourselves, she is always with us). Now as she got married SO gradually withdrew financial support and relationship abruptly changed.

SD is raving about BM now, BM just got major major inheritance several millions, yeap, that's how much, she does not even have to work anymore, so now BM pays vacations and airplane tickets for SD and DH, downpayment on the house and so on. SD also became very devoted to in-laws, so also are very wealthy and older, so big financial support there....

SO makes decent money but cannot compete at all. last summer SD asked for a cruise trip and SO said he needs a new roof and major brick work done, it turned out to be very expensive. Both Sds nagged the whole summer how he does not need any of that done. They were very angry and didn't even hide it. i would never dreamed of telling my father how to spend his money. SO had to explain himself why he needs new roof.

I ended up telling SD that her dad knows what needs to be maintained in the house and it is not anyone's business (I said it in nice terms). So SD's in-laws ended up paying for a cruise because SO had to have his roof done. It is unbelievable...

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 11:08AM
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That's awful. But pretty much right on target... SM does not eat pork either and I make sure when we are going to someone's house that they know of this.

SM actually told SD to "bring her own towel" up to the shower upstairs in our holiday condo(when she took over the master - it connects to the hallway as well) and when I looked at SM she was like "or, there are towels up there you can use"...

Wow. Ya think!!?? Those towels are not for the exclusive use of SM! Oh, and she only brought shampoo for herself, not dad too, so he used ours.

Her trademark is only paying at Starbucks and usually she only pays for herself there. But the last time she said "my turn to pay!" and paid. LOL.

Yeash... we were at ski condo, SM didn't want to ski, so when we came back that night she asked us... "what's for dinner there's no food". (well, no SM food anyway... the night before we had bought canned soups, crackers, cheese, salami meats, noodles, hot cocoa etc. that were quick easy foods for the kids) All of us looked at her and said, "did you go shopping"?

hahahah. No. She didn't even think of it. "Well, what did you do", my dad asked... she walked down the hill into town (very short hill) and got a massage.

And then complained that the boots I had her buy were not waterproof because she was stomping in slushy puddles all day and her feet are a little wet. Seriously lady? How old are you? They aren't rubber boots, they're snow boots.

So then she wanted Dad and kids to go with her and I said no, I don't think everyone needs to go. She ended up taking DD (against my better judgement) and then came back with a very small amount of breakfast stuff. Literally, a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs. Needless to say, we went out to dinner, where she could mentally molest the waitress and torture the rest of us.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. TOO funny though. Your SD sounds like my SM's DD (if she had one).

Ima, that's horrible. I can't believe people would be so rude. Wait, nevermind. I can.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 12:49PM
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i think all of these people are related, it is actually fun to read because it shows there are more selfish people out there.

strange thing since we came back SD does not want to talk to SO on the phone, just hi bye, he asked what is wrong, and she would not say. we think she was upset with the gifts. we got them nice kitchen knife set, steak knife set, magic bullet, two new robes, a sweater for him, a necklace for her, beautiful candle holder, big expensive candle, silk scarf, baby stuff, bought gas for them, plus pay for their dinners and lunches and on Christmas day SO cooked breakfast. It is less than SO normally bought them but I think it is rather impressive. I am not sore what she is upset about.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 3:56PM
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All that stuff sounds VERY nice, and anyone else would be super grateful. SD sounds like an ingrate!

My parents got us a stainless steel skillet and 3 qt saucepan. I was so friggin excited I could hardly stand it! And they probably only cost $50 at the most.

I just can't believe how some people think they are entitled.

If SD wants to pout about that, then maybe SO needs to just let her. Wait til after the baby is born and she gets less than the baby does. Will she pout then?

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 4:58PM
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Wow. just wow. those sound like lovely gifts.

My dad and SM didn't get us (much of) anything because we said "no gifts" this year. SM did get me a pair of earrings to match those of the girls (even though DD does not have her ears pierced) and that was very nice of her, although I would have preferred they get something for DH if they are giving something to me. It just felt weird. (last year I got a book and DH got nothing) My dad did pay for dinner out twice, but I paid his lift tickets and equipment rentals, so I think we're fairly even.

DD's dad only got her one thing. I thought that was weird. And the list I gave him did not have really expensive stuff on it... things like CD's, funny socks, etc.

It kind of pisses me off that I was responsible for stocking stuffers, etc and he got away with one gift, that I recommended, and of course it's DD's favorite. BAH HUMBUG!

Next year, I swear we are completely going the Chanukah route. 8 small gifts, one per night, then it's over. I could tell SD wanted more... more... more...

The whole thing just grosses me out.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 8:42PM
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I don't know if she is pouting about gifts but she usually does. She was upset SO spent only $100 on her birthday gifts in the fall.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2010 at 10:24AM
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