Adult Stepchildren Driving me crazy!!!
Hello, this is my first time posting and I am reading some really great stuff on here so decided to join to maybe help with my stress.
I have been with DH for 8 years now. I have tried wholeheartedly from the start to include, be there for, and treat like family his two adult children. Well, the youngest was 17 at the time but I went to her senior prom and did all appropriate loving things and then helped out with her graduation. The problem is they are now 25 and 28 and hate me as I expect them to support themselves and their two children each. I refuse to help them financially. Neither one of them has a full time job. They both work 26 or 30 hours a week. Neither one of their significants has a job or tries to get one. Both of their Significants have their pot licensees for reasons to me are unfounded. They are constantly asking what we paid for things and what my 12 year old got for her birthday or Christmas and then they are immediatly off the phone. Their BM got the divorce papers signed sealed and delivered and then dropped the kids off with my DH and left state still collecting childsupport. They have a ton of time for her but never any for us even though they have admitted that BM not only stole from Dad as he had no money to take her back to court but also from them as she cashed out their life insurance and their savings bonds that DH bought them. When we ask them for family time or to come to 12 year olds things they are too busy because quote "we have kids and jobs, and husbands you wouldnt understand. Excuse me? I have a daughter I raised all by myself for the first four yrs and a job and a soon to be husband, and a house to remodel and a wedding to plan, etc and I still try to make time for them. I give up. We moved 3 states over leaving everything I knew to be close to them and we get maybe 1 or 2 visits a year while there are tons of pictures of their mother with the grandbabies. I swear I want to cut them off. I have told DH I am not shutting the door but I am refusing to continue trying and banging my head against a brick wall. They on the other hand think I should be the one earning their love and not them earning mine. I think it should be both parties and I have done my trying. They also want EVERYTHING when their pa dies. But I have earned it all as their pa is disabled. I am aware I will be taking care of him and am okay with that as I love him but not okay with doing it all just to be thrown out on the street when he is gone. I think they should wait untill we are both gone and each get a portion, not all, as my BD deserves her fair share.