Christmas Drama

mom2emallDecember 26, 2010

So BM called me the other day and said she had gifts for the kids and no car. She asked if we could pick them up. So today I went to go get the gifts. The kdis were all relaxing at home and didnt feel like going with. So I went to get the gifts and when I got there bm's bf's vehicle was in the driveway!

I got the gifts and came home. Gave them to the kids. SS's gifts were things he likes and the girls gifts were not really their kind of stuff. But I know it is the thought that counts. I told the kids to call bm and say thanks. SS did and talked to her for a bit, but when he went to pass the phone off to oldest sd she said she didn't feel like talking to bm. Younger sd followed her lead and said she had nothing to say. Both girls did tell ss to tell her thanks for the gifts though. So they were polite in that way.

I have to say I can not blame them. BM can't disappear and then reappear at her convenience and expect the kids to keep just letting her back into their lives. Part of me feels a little bad though because I am sure this was a big slap in the face to bm. The other part of me knows she deserves it and should feel bad for how much she has hurt her kids. I doubt it will make a difference though. I'm sure she is going through the poor me phase today and can't see past herself and understand why the girls felt that way.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Just curious why BM didn't have the kids come over to get their gifts? I mean, you're willing to drive over to get the gifts, couldn't the kids have gone too & opened them with her? (that's just my first thought when I read it, sounds like she didn't even see them at all for Christmas)

I feel bad for SK's that are hurt & angry (they don't have the mom they want) but have very little sympathy for a BM (or BD) that makes little effort to be a parent, when it comes back to bite them. They deserve the slap in the face & with any luck, those slaps will knock some sense into 'em, but wouldn't count on it. So sad. Hope your Christmas was good otherwise.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2010 at 3:49PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

It was a little of my doing that they didn't go. After all the bs that lady pulls I am done making it easy for her to pop in and out. So I didn't give the kids advance notice that I was going to bm's to get their gifts. I just got ready and told them I was going to pick the gifts up because bm asked me to. None of them asked to go and I didn't ask them if they wanted to. Of course if they would have asked I would have brought them with.

BM is just such an idiot though. She randomly pops in to ease her conscience. Then she is nonexistant for months until it is a holiday or until her parents get on her case.
I figure after today we should not be hearing from her for months again.

She did not call them on Christmas and made no plans to see them on Christmas, which was fine with us! Our holiday was wonderful and filled with family, friends and fun.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2010 at 10:21PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Ugh. What a pathetic excuse for a mother she is.

If it's any consolation, it sounds like the kids weren't all that phased by her lack of *presence* over Christmas; and BM is beyond the days with them when she can up for that with *presents.*

I think you did the right thing. It's sad the situation is the way it is, but it's BM's doing. And wtf about her BF's car in the drive?!

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 9:15AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

DGS's BM didn't spend his 1st Christmas with him, she left him with me last year. This year, she didn't come see him or call. How does a mother not celebrate special occasions yet wants recognition as the mother? She got angry because she thinks he may start calling me mom!

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 12:52PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Ima, that's a puzzle I never figured out, & it isn't limited to mothers.

A guy who worked for one of the contractors around here, we'll call him Dave, once told a bunch of us, crying in his beer (literally-it was at a July 4th barbeque), his whole tragic life story.

He had married, had a boy & a girl, & his wife was mean to him, expected him to work & all.

He said they'd lived in a log cabin, but it burned down-
pay attention, there's a pattern here.

Then they bought a brick home, but it was in her name because she had good credit & verifiable income, *& he'd planted the shrubs there, with no reward at all*.

Then the wife started pestering him to spend more of his paycheck on bills & on the children & less money on booze, so he outsmarted her on that:
he got a 2nd job as a package boy at a grocery store & kept all that paycheck, since he didn't "owe" it to the household.

as though he were a 10-year-old with a paper route.

Of course, he wasn't ever at home, either, what with a job & a part-time job & a bunch of bars & all...

Then they lost the house, & Dave moved in to a storage building behind his boss's house, until that burned down.

Then he moved in to an old mobile home in somebody's pasture.

His wife & the children moved in with her sister & brother-in-law.

Then Dave got another job & moved in to the back room of the office building.

By this time, he had accumulated 7 DWIs (this was evidently before Texas would put you away for 3 or so), & he couldn't get a driver's license.

He had never made a single child support payment, so he wasn't in any position to argue when his ex, who by now had terminal cancer, sent him papers terminating his parental rights so her sister & brother-in-law could adopt the children.

& the thing that opened a whole new floodgate of tears & resentment was that the new parents *had changed the children's last name*!

Somehow or other, he still thought that those children should "belong" to him.

So there I sat, listening to this tear-soaked narrative, & I asked him how old the children were now.

He couldn't remember.

A couple of years later, I ran into one of the guys who had been at the barbeque, & he told me that the old mobile home belonged to his parents.

He said he was so glad when Dave had finally moved on, because his father had twice had to break down the door when he saw smoke pouring out when Dave had passed out smoking in bed.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 2:04PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

IMA that is awful! Sylvia that story so reminds me of bm. I can imagine the stories she tells about "poor her". Probably goes something like Evil sm and ex dh keep the kids from her. She tries so hard to see them and talk to them but evil sm and ex dh make the kids dislike her. How ungreatful the kids are when she does things for them. BLA BLA BLA.

I'm sure after her phone call with ss she spent a little time crying at her hurt feelings but never saw past what hte kids were doing to "her"!

    Bookmark   December 28, 2010 at 6:43PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
adult step son and his girlfriend lives with us
i just want my privacy. we have never had any. met...
New- Really need help..
Hi I am new here but hoping as people in the same...
will the real mom please stand up!
I'm all confused. My kids bio-mom abandoned us with...
Marrying Widower with Adult Children
Somebody help me, please! I am about to marry a widower...
Can I handle becoming a stepmom one day?
I just turned 36 earlier this month. My boyfriend and...
Sponsored Products
42-inch High Pre-Lit Clear Mini-light Merry Christmas Snowman Decoration
Currey and Company Pendle Antique Bronze Table Lamp
Lamps Plus
Momentum Mats Christmas Topiary 29 in. x 17 in. Coir and Vinyl Door Mat 12099
$12.97 | Home Depot
Relax Brown Wallpaper R1779, double roll
Walls Republic
Fortuny Lamp
Design Within Reach
Tan Tufted Harper Barstools, Set of 2
Cost Plus World Market
Campania International Abraxas Garden Statue - S-421-AL
$569.99 | Hayneedle
Polished Granite Farmhouse Sink - Chiseled Front
Signature Hardware
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™