Need some advice ...
This is my first time posting and I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts and opinions of my situation.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and are recently engaged. I have a 16 year old and my BF has a 7 year old. We do not live together, but are together often - close to 6-7 days a week.
His ex-wife pretty much stays out of my way, although she does kind of bug me, but that's not my issue.
Their custody situation is that his son is with him 3 nights a week (Sat, Mon & Wed) and with the mother the rest of the time.
I feel like I'm beginning to resent the son a little bit and I don't want to feel that way because he's such a good kid and really a joy to be around. Although I will be honest and say that many of the times the three of us are out and about doing something, I tend to feel like the 3rd wheel which is not a feeling I particularly love.
The thing is, I feel like my BF lets his ex have all the control when it comes to drop off times during "the switch" on the weekends which makes me feel like I never get any time with him just to do our own thing.
The son usually comes over either before lunch (11:00-11:30) or after lunch (around 1pm - sometimes even later than that) on Saturdays, but my BF never knows exactly when until almost the last minute. Same for the drop off on Sunday. Whenever I ask, I always get the same answer, "I don't know. Whatshername hasn't called me yet." It just really bothers me because I feel like I can never plan anything for just us to do because he never knows what time she's going to feel like taking him back (or bringing him over - depends on the day). Just the other day, we had to fit in a bunch of errands before noon because he said he didn't want to get caught in a different part of town just in case she were to call and say she was bringing the son over in 10 minutes. I feel like our days are held hostage because he always leaves the timing up to her!
It's just very frustrating to me that he also doesn't really seem to care that we never have an entire day where it's just the two of us. Every once in a while it sure would be nice if he would say to me, "Hey, I'm going to bring my son back to his mom's after breakfast today so we can spend the day together." The only time we get an actual full day together is if we are out of town.
I haven't brought this up because I get this his son is a priority and I never want to question the amount of time they spend together because he is such a great dad, but I just wish that he showed a little more interest in "us" which would make me feel special.
Is this just something I have to live with or is there a gentle way for me to bring this up w/o him getting defensive (which he has a tendency to do)?
Thanks in advance for your responses.