how to deal with Step-Son
Hi everyone, I am new to this site and decided to ask a question.
I have an 11year old step son who I really don't like. I have been working on my relationship with him and have made quite a bit of headway. At first, the ss used to hit his mom and yell at her and then, he thought that he could treat me the same way. My husband and I put a stop to that quickly. In the beginning, my husband only saw him 1nce a week, but as our relationship grew, so did the time with the son. Now he is at my house 4 days a week and 1 full weekend a month. I have two other kids 3 and 5 who look up to him. I am trying to tell them that this is not a very good role model, but it is not working. The ss has gotten a bit better since I first met him, but within these last few months, he has been heading down that bad path again. He has started to be a smart butt, he lies, is lazy and refuses to study. He also has really gross hygeine. I have to tell him to brush his teeth and to bathe. When he is at his BM house, he doesn't do this. I can literally smell him when he comes to my house. He also still wets the bed. I don't want my kids to end up like him. I am trying to potty train my kids at night, but they don't feel that they have to since my ss doesn't. I am embarassed to be seen in public with him because he is the kid that no one likes and that if people see him, they make fun of him. Not just kids either. He is very weird and immature for his age. He also has these ticks that are part of his ADHD that make him look really weird. It also doesn't help that my family is tan with black hair and he is white with red hair. I feel bad for him having to deal with this, but at the same time my kids come first. They are not mistakes and I don't think that they should be having to model theirselves after this bad kid because their dad made a mistake. The reality is that if he were not my ss, my kids would not be allowed to hang around him and not just because he is older. My family does not like him and refuse to babysit if he is included with the other two. I have also heard my husband's family talk about how weird he is too. I think my husband does not love him, but feels like he has to. When he is at my house he is usually punished for lying or mouthing off which means that we can't do anything until he leaves. His BM told me before in confidence that she couldn't stand him either and that she had to take breaks from him. She sends him to her mom's house, but I have no where to send him when I need a a break since no one will watch him. At least the BM only has him 3 days a week and she lives by a park where he can just leave all day. What am I to do? I don't want to get back to that place where I couldn't stand him at all, but that is where I am heading right now. I have so much other stuff going on that is stressing me out and this child is the number one cause right now.