SS setting up BS

nikemamaDecember 2, 2008

My DH and I combined a household of my three sons 15, 9, & & 7 with my DH's son 13, He also has 12 year old daughter who still lives with their mother. The 13 SS has decided that it is fun to hide under 15 BS's bed and listen to his phone calls to his GF. He is hoping to hear BS say something he can tell on him for. DH thinks the SS is a good kid but has told him to stop this. BS decided to payback SS for his actions and told him that we had a ghost and waited under SS bed bangs on the wall which caused SS to sleep in the couch. So now both boys are mad. DH took up for My son SS got so angry he told his mother he was moving home. That would hurt DH so deeply. In the process of all the hiding under beds SS also upset me by calling his mother in my face while I was talking to him. DH will not confront him about disrespecting me. I ended up telling SS that I would not except any Tattle Tell on BS from info found will snooping where he don't belong. Anyother advice? BTW SS has only been with us about 2 months married 5 months.

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iloveexercise

Hello...
Is it at all possible that SS is also just curious about girls and what BS is talking about? Maybe he just uses the excuse of telling on him? Just a thought.Boys that age are werid about girls.

Anyways,it has only been two months.Seems like SS is just feeling his oats and trying to figure out where he belongs in it all.Sounds like this is an adjustment period,although there are bound to be alot of tiffs between boys that age,things should get better with time.Hang in there!

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 1:53PM
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sminnj

Hello,
I think the bigger deal that you make out of it, the bigger deal it will become to them. This is something that is also common just between brothers that are still in intact families. I would make each one apologize to the other for hiding under the bed and make it clear to them that snooping on family members is not acceptable. That family members are supposed to be able to trust one another. DH also needs to make it clear to his son that you are to be treated just like any other adult should be treated....with respect. And that if he does not respect you, then there will be consequences. Maybe that could be done in a "family meeting" to include your boy's and that they should be respectful to your DH. Just so SS(13) doesn't feel singled out.

Hope any of that helps you out :) Good luck.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 5:40PM
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sovra

It sounds like both of them are exhibiting fairly typical behavior for boys their ages. Not good behavior, but typical behavior. I can imagine something similar happening between both of my brothers when they were teenagers, and they were bio-related. What's complicating the situation is the mine vs. yours aspect of things between you parents.

In my house, the younger one would have gotten into trouble for being in the older one's room without the older one's knowledge or permission. I don't think my mother would have told the younger one, "I'm going to ignore anything you tell me," because the older one could have been up to things that legitimately needed to be stopped... but the younger one would automatically have gotten in trouble for how he found out, too. It takes the shine off of spying if you get in trouble for how you find out the information.

That said, with the story you tell, my mother would have also had some repercussions for the older one, for tricking the younger one. Has your son had any consequences for that?

As for issues about respect, I think sminnj is right about your needing to establish rules for everyone about proper behavior. If you and your husband aren't both consistent and on the same page, you're going to struggle a lot with all of the kids. They'll exploit any inconsistency and any division between you when they're in the mood to be pains.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 7:02PM
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