anybody have any experience with SP adoption?

fiveinallDecember 6, 2009

Hey guys, haven't posted in a while

things have just been soooo quiet around here no drama yay!

So it has been over 2 years since BM has had contact w/ SD no phone calls, visits, cards, letters etc....also hasn't paid CSupport and is thousands behind. DCSE says they are doing their thing to collect it, but we all know how that goes :)

I want to adopt SD. has anyone on here had any luck in doing this with a MIA bio parent? I would love to get everyones feedback on this as I make my decision as to whether to proceed or just leave thigns be:

I have been weighing pros and cons and so far here they are:

1) I am all she knows for a mama, I have raised her since she was a toddler full time,and taken care of her as if she was my child ever since she can remember..... even when BM used visitation it was very minimal, and BM was more of a girlfriend in SD's eyes than a mom.......

2) If something happens to DH I cannot guarrentee that I can keep my kids together.....I have no rights, and if someone wanted to challenge me it would cost a lot of money and I still might lose her.....

3) BM has proved beyond MY reasonable doubt that she does not want to be a parent to lack of paying child support, by no contact, by never even talking to one of her teachers, the list could go on and on....

4) SD is approaching her teen is one of our worst fears that BM will appear a few years from now to convince SD to come live w/her so she can get out of this Child support mess...I am sure she would have a great excuse as to why she has been a dead beat for so many years.....I also worry that SD who is very trusting would buy right into it.....I don't think she would really have a shot in court BUT you just never know.......this worries me every day!!!

5) Unless I put things in writing every time, Sd is excluded from my life insurance, natural gas rights, and other assets if I die..the other two children aren't because they are my birth children...she DESERVES to have every right that the two birth children do autoamtically...

6) all we have is a very old address and disconnected phone number for BM.....WE have kept the same cell number all these years just in case BM decided to call and she hasn't.....

I am really trying to decide whether this is something we should pursue or not, there is a saying that sometimes its best to let sleeping dogs be.....If I try to adopt, and for some reason BM refuses (if she can be found) this may open up a can of worms for SD if BM wants to magically reappear into her life and Sd is doing so well I don't want to screw it up!!

I also think this would benefit BM who obviously will always be haunted by past due child support she is not willing to this point its on her credit, no Drivers license and they will garnish if she ever gets a job....If I adopt SD that would all go away, she could just continue on with the way things are, without being haunted by child support.......

I also am not sure whether I should broach the possibility of adoption to SD before I talk to a lawyer more or after....she is of age where she should have some imput into this, my gut says she will want this done, but I also wouldn't want her to be dissapointed if we couldn't get her adopted...

Another thought I had, is that even if I adopted SD I would want SD to be able to see her BM if BM ever decided she wanted to see her, I think its SD right to be involved w/ her BM and her famiiy if they ever showed any interest.....

Any thoughts??????

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I think your reasons are good. I often worry about what would happen if god forbid something happened to my husband. Would bm reappear and try to take the kids so she would have a live in sitter for her 3 little kids? And would she do it for the money that would be involved if my hubby died? She has shown to be unstable and would never provide a stable happy home for the kids. Plus I am sure she would want to cut me out completely which would hurt them, me, and my son.

I think before you talk to sd about it you and hubby need to speak to a lawyer and see what is involved and what your chances are of getting custody.

And I think it is good that you would still give bm visitation if she wanted it after the adoption.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2009 at 3:14PM
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I think its lovely that you and your SD have such a good relationship and she is as your own to you :0)

your reasons are very valid and make complete sense to me. I've heard of it being done before I think they have to post notices in the newspapers a few times if unable to make contact with Bio parent before proceeding with adoption. I'm sure state laws vary though.

I'd talk with a lawyer of course and then sit down with DH & SD and talk with her about it. Your feelings toward your SD warm my heart. Best of luck to you.


    Bookmark   December 7, 2009 at 12:25AM
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Thanks guys. I think it is a good idea to talk to a lawyer before sitting SD down too, ther is no point in talking about it with her (and the emotions that may arise as a result) unless we know I have a chance to get this to go through. I am still very torn whether I should just leave things be, after all we don't need a piece of papaper to tell us what we already know, but no rights really concerns me.
We put in a call to a lawyer in our area, we will c what she says!!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2009 at 9:12AM
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