How do you get over yourself?
So I'm moving with my boyfriend of one year to a town about an hour away from where we live now - he has two kids, 14 and 22, and the 14 year old has been with us every other weekend. We live as married, we call eachother husband and wife, but the fact is we don't have that piece of paper. Now that we are moving, the 14 y.o. says he wants to move in with us. I don't know why, but I'm really having a hard time with this. I guess I had dreams of us starting fresh, away from the ex-wife and ex-husband we have in this town, being in a new home that only has our memories, etc. The 14 yo is a good kid...lazy, a little spoiled, immature, etc., typical teenage stuff. I just get so jealous though when he always seems to bring up "remember when we did this, remember when we did that, etc - it makes me feel like we aren't being allowed to build NEW memories. Another thing that drives me crazy is that he looks just like his mother, who has had nothing but hateful things to say about me. So anyway, I keep telling myself that it will all be ok, but im terrified and I don't know if I am ready to be an instant, actual step-mother. I know I'm not married to his father, but if he is going to be living in our house I can't see myself just living in the background and not having any say or influence over what happens within it. I want to be a selfless person, I want to accept him fully and make the most of seeing him grow up, help him in any way I can, make sure he feels wanted. God I don't want to make him feel like he is not wanted. But how do I do this when I have such fear and animosity to the idea of him living with us? I worry I will spend too much time mourning the loss of the privacy and freedom his father and I share right now. Is it normal to feel so scared? To feel so selfish? I just feel like if I were a bird it would be like somebody else's egg is being put in my nest - the choice is either to reject it or nurture it. I'm terrified!