'Tis the season to be ... psycho?

mattie_gtDecember 27, 2010

Hi everyone, I hope you all had/are having/will have a great holiday season!

Wanted to give a quick update on the whole x-mas thing here. Most importantly, SS had a great holiday! He said it was the "best Christmas ever!" (It is true that he says that every year, but still.... it's nice to hear.)

DH had called BM and, at the advice of attorney, asked her to switch weekends because of how upset SS was, how BM admittedly was doing nothing for Christmas, how SS does not even have his own bed to sleep in there on Christmas Eve let alone his own room - BM, of course, said no, it was her weekend and she "got him". DH asked did she not understand how upset SS has been (she does, SS told her last time he was there), that he's been crying, that he doesn't want to be there for Christmas. BM replied "I don't give a flying f*** what he wants, he's a f***ing spoiled brat, it's my weekend and I'm getting him".

At which point DH informed her that she was not, in fact, getting the "spoiled brat" for Christmas. DH says he did well at remaining calm and only responding that he was not going to argue; BM had a great deal to say about how it was unfair that SS gets to go on trips that she cannot afford, how we buy him 50-60 presents at Christmas (I knew we had overspent this year but I'm pretty sure it's not quite to that level!), and pretty much that SS is not properly appreciative and fawning over the few crumbs that are thrown his way from her. She had the audacity to complain about how he was not appreciative enough when she bought him a birthday present (over six months ago) from her "hard-earned money" - she's on Tier 347 of federal extended unemployment! Hard-earned money my behind! My hard-earned money via taxes, more like. (The birthday present was a used sweatshirt with paint on the sleeve; I'm thinking if she paid more than 50 cents she overspent.) Oh, and that SS was a "spoiled f***ing a**hole just like you [DH]".

I'm going way off track here.... anyway, DH said that he and SS would not be here. I, on the other hand, was; I was finishing wrapping presents. At the time BM shows up with same relative who walked into house before, if you remember that. They ring, I don't answer as I'm upstairs and lights are off on lower floors. Then they tried the doors to the house. I was very, very, very unhappy. What exactly were they planning to do if they got in anyway - haul a kicking and screaming little boy away on Christmas Eve?

After half an hour or so they finally left. DH and SS returned, DH kindly made me an eggnog which helped my mood immensely, and we read Night Before X-mas, left milk and cookies, etc. under the theory that no way were police or anyone else going to haul a sleeping child away on Christmas Eve.

Up early next day, of course, and then off to various family members for rest of the day until fairly late. Yesterday had people over here - we weren't worried about yesterday because visitation was supposed to end at 6 PM so even if BM showed up it was nearing the end of visitation and it was too late anyway - Christmas is over, SS had a great one, and BM cannot ruin it now.

Oh, perhaps not a single one of you will be surprised that, even after all this drama - BM did not call to wish SS a Merry Christmas. Or text. Or email. Last contact was her trying to get into our house on x-mas eve, to haul away a child who she was fully aware wanted nothing more than to spend Christmas Eve in his bed, in his room, in his house, with his pets and his family. DH and I both have zero doubt that the plan was to completely ruin SS's Christmas - out of anger and spite.

So, we all had a great holiday! DH and I are a bit tired from it all, especially since we were on hyper-vigilance the whole time. SS had a blast and is happily playing with his new toys right now. We'll see what hell awaits us but we'll deal with it when it does.

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parent_of_one

glad BM did not get to take SS, but how crazy is the whole thing...poor child...it is sad his mother is so crazy that he did not even want to see his BM on the holidays. You would think BM would try to improve her parenting skills to make sure her son wants time with her...I wonder where was older SS while BM was banging on your door trying to get younger SS? Where was older SS for Christmas? Home by himself? Or with some family?

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 10:40AM
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lovehadley

"BM replied "I don't give a flying f*** what he wants, he's a f***ing spoiled brat, it's my weekend and I'm getting him"."

How I wish your DH could record her saying these things! I wonder if the GAL would take this into consideration? In some states, recordings are permissable, so long as one party knows the conversation is being recorded.

I feel bad for YOU being in the house when BM and her relative showed up. Were you scared? I would have been extremely uneasy. What if they'd tried to break in or something? I think it's good that DH and SS weren't there but next time---well, hopefully there IS no next time---I think you should leave, as well. There is NO reason for you to put yourself in danger.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 11:26AM
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mattie_gt

Parent of One, BM does not think that there is anything wrong with her behavior. You know how most people realize that they are not a perfect parent, and could probably improve in some area? Or handle some situations better? Not BM. She really, truly believes that she does nothing wrong and that she is a very good parent. To most people, even if their child was a spoiled brat, they'd be trying to figure out some way to spend happy time together and resolve the issues, but it's like the more SS speaks up or pulls away the worse BM treats him.

No idea where SS18 was. He tends to stay out of any unpleasantness. His pre-paid cell phone is turned off for lack of money; Lord knows what BM told him. DH is pretty unhappy with his decision to follow in his mother's selfish footsteps but I still hold out hope that someday he'll mature.

Love, we live in a two-party recording state. It sucks. Yes, extremely uneasy (and scared!)is how I felt; cell phone and cordless were both with me and at the first sound of breaking glass or thudding against doors police would have been called (and we live in the city so response time would have been pretty quick). DH wanted me to come with them - I wanted to stay.

DH keeps underestimating BM. I think it's because they were married, but he'll say that he knows her and she wouldn't do X. Well, she may not have done X seven years ago when you divorced her - but she will now. DH said that she wouldn't even drive down here, I felt that she would. DH really wanted SS to get to spend Christmas at home; I said that we needed contingency plans depending on exactly how nutty BM might get (or if, for example, she just parked outside and stayed!) We don't know for sure that she wasn't here Christmas when we weren't home - DH wanted to spend most of the day here but we decided based on knowing that she came X-mas Eve that we were leaving fairly early in the day. If there is a next time I won't be home.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2010 at 12:56PM
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ashley1979

I'm so glad DH didn't let her have him! You know what? It will just get easier from now on. Every time he doesn't allow an unstable, dangerous and poisionous BM have her visitation is one less time SS has to be consoled and have his heart put back together. It will empower both you and DH to fight harder for SS.

You know my POV...stop letting her have visitation. Period. You have to protect that little boy from mental, emotional and physical abuse.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2010 at 5:41PM
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myfampg

I agree with Ashley. If she is acting mentally unstable, you have an obligation to protect him.

We are in a 2 party recording state as well and in our family court, recordings are not permissable at all. Which saved my butt once bc SM used to record me all the time and I went off on her one night over the phone. I had HAD it!! So my attorney listened to it and he lit in to me like a fire cracker ... Lol I laugh Noe because I am not violent or confrontational at all. I am Eyoer.. I stick my tail between my legs, put my head down and mosey on down the road lol but that night - I was so proud. Lawyer: not so proud. But it could not be used ... Then when SM attacked me, she recorded herself. She expected me to start a fight but since I didn't, she decided she Would start it.. She grabbed my arm from behind, which wad silent and when I said 'SM, please step away from me and let go of me' she started in ... Well she thought since I spoke first her response would be considered self defence.. So she let the police officer listen to it, who originally said he could not arrest her because it was my word against hers and no other non biased witnesses ... But then she gave him the tape and he arrested her! Lol they could not use the tape in court since I did not authorize her to tape me. So of course I said I would give her permission - absolutely! But.... It was a no go. They dropped the charges... However in family court, just the arrest and the felony charge of child endangerment was enough to keep her away from DD for the last 3 yrs...
Anyway - off the subject... I am so glad your Christmas was great and that BM was not able to ruin it for SS. :)

    Bookmark   December 31, 2010 at 3:26AM
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