Help - Christmas Dilemma
My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. He has 2 boys (w/5 grandchildren) and I have 3 girls (w/6 grandchildren). None of our children have ever lived with us. Thank God.
SS#1, who is 35, has recently moved in with a woman he met on-line 3 months ago. She has 3 children (8,14,18). He has one son (6) who does not live with him, from a prior relationship. HeÃ¯Â¿Â½s been in and out of relationships ever since IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve known him.
We have Christmas day at our house every year. SS#1 hasnÃ¯Â¿Â½t been to our house for Christmas since before his son was born. Though we give gifts to each of them every year, there has been no reciprocation. And thatÃ¯Â¿Â½s fine; itÃ¯Â¿Â½s just the way it is.
Guess what, this year heÃ¯Â¿Â½s coming for Christmas, and bringing his "new family". We have not met this woman or her children, and to be honest, IÃ¯Â¿Â½m not looking forward to it.
But hereÃ¯Â¿Â½s a question. WhatÃ¯Â¿Â½s the proper protocol with a situation like this, as it pertains to gift giving? We currently spend around $75 dollars per grandchild and $50 dollars per adult. Are we expected to do this?
SS#2 is 33. He has had 3 jobs in 5 years, due to drinking. ItÃ¯Â¿Â½s also why he is divorced. He hasnÃ¯Â¿Â½t had his children (15, 12, 8, 6) since FatherÃ¯Â¿Â½s Day. He refuses to take a breathalyzer test, which is a requirement of visitation. He pays no child support because he has no job. He has no $ for gifts for his children.
This year my husband is proposing to go pick him up (he has no driverÃ¯Â¿Â½s license) on Christmas day, which is 160 miles round trip, so he can see the kids. It will be conditional that he doesnÃ¯Â¿Â½t drink. I know better, he will. He will start before he gets picked up and will probably carry a flask. He was hammered at his sonÃ¯Â¿Â½s 8th grade graduation ceremony, at church.
But hereÃ¯Â¿Â½s my question. I told my husband this is a bad idea, I really donÃ¯Â¿Â½t want him here, but heÃ¯Â¿Â½s not going to listen to me. Am I wrong in thinking the way I do?
IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve never written something like this before. I look over what I wrote and think what a freaking nightmare. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. This is beginning to come between my husband and me.
Thank you so much for letting me vent. I am just so sick inside.