Stepfamily problems, please give advice
Here is the problems....I have been a single Mom with twin girls, age 15 and my fiance has 2 daughters, from a divorce, ages 15 and 11.
We have been together 3 years, and have put the marriage off until whenever because of finances and family problems. My fiance, Josh, started off our relationship spending time with me and my girls and going to our activities. Now, he is not participating with my girls at all, financially or emotionally. Some things have recently changed, his daughters have a new stepdad in their life that lives with their Mom. Josh lives with me and my kids full time.
When I had asked him to spend time with us, he didn't bring up and complain about it not being fair to his daughters. Now that is all he does when I say anything about him spending time with us. He has asked me to not go to one of my girls games, but go to my stepdaughters game instead. He now wants to split all the home and away games. I do go to all of my girls games, because I'm their mother and they don't have 3 other people to show up like my stepdaughters do. If I go to more of their games, then my girls will have no one. Is that fair?
He says he wants me to step up with his daughters even more, however I feel like he is not stepping up with mine in any way. Whatever his gives to mine, he wants me to in turn give to his daughters.
His daughters have a mother and a father as well as a new stepdad. My daughters have me and Josh, and Josh is not acting in any form or fashion as a stepdad to my girls at all. He is like missing in action.
I try to make a point about him living with us, just like his daughters have a stepdad living with them. They get to do fun things and spend quality time with their new stepdad and they don't have to share that time with my girls. If Josh lives with us full time, why are we not be allowed to do fun things and spend quality time with their stepdad, without him throwing out there, "well, this isn't fair to my girls"?
I've waited a long time to find a happy ending for us and for my girls to have a stepdad that cares for them and spends time with them and financially helps them, even if its not 50% because Josh does pay child support so he brings in less in our household to contribute.
I feel like I'm to make the ultimate sacrifice to give and do more for his girls and then my girls get nothing. It makes me feel resentful and I am wanting to call the marriage off and ask him to move out. I feel as if he can't contribute when he's with us most of the time, then why are we together? If he is always going to have daddy issues with his girls and always seem to punish mine because of his current situation. The mother has full custody and he only sees them on weekends, and I'm with them also every weekend, unless my girls have something the same weekend then we have to split up.
I have been a single mother for years, and I don't want to let my girls down because sometimes I feel they only have me, but I'm in a relationship with someone that chooses to not be there because he feels guilty about his kids, in some form or fashion.
Please give me some advice on what I should do. How I can make him understand my point of view, why is he and his kids always the victims, and don't me and my kids deserve what he wants for his daughters?
I'm very unhappy and I'm beginning to resent him. I need to know if anyone can understand where I'm coming from and where he's coming from and how can we meet in the middle somehow to where I feel as if he is a stepdad to my children, financially and emotionally as well.