Stepmother desperately needs HELP!!!!!!
Hello everyone : )
I am new this page and am VERY grateful that I found it. As my user name implies, I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy with the stepdaughter issues and challenges I have had hurled at me since I met my husband three years ago. My children are grown. My husband's children are age 23 and 10 and have two different mothers. I having been a single mom with a daughter who hated every man I dated, I figured I'd have my work cut out for me, especially with the little one who was seven when we met, but ironically, it was the older one who was (and remains) hell on wheels. I tried desperately to win her over for a year and a half, and all the while, she seldom actually spoke to me but rather, would speak to her father and refer to me in the third person, even when I was in the room. She was terribly spoiled and pampered and therefore was extremely demanding towards her father. It was very routine for her to call him shouting and demanding money for this reason or that. Long story short, ultimately, the stress and conflict became so bad that my new husband and I sought counseling just to "work out" all the drama surrounding his daughters and their mothers. The therapist said he needed to establish healthy boundaries and honor our marriage, and YIKES!!! ... when he did that, it got even worse with the oldest one! It was open warfare with her and her multiple attempts to meddle in our marriage. I am at a total loss and very depressed. I treated her with adult respect and offered her friendship, and even endured a year and a-half of pure meanness and competition with me, until finally I had to tell my husband that it was no longer okay to be treated like that and that her blatant lying to him in order to conjure up trouble for us would no longer be tolerated. This makes me both crazy (Krazy) and sad because my husband and I get along wonderfully and are best friends, but all this madness with his daughters is slowing driving a wedge between us. Anyway advice??? Help!!!!!
PS: I am happy and proud to report that my adult children were welcoming and kind to my husband, in fact, my son who lives in the same city as us is very close friends with my husband now and they do many things together. I just wish his children has been half as open to me and were also willing to allow their father to have a woman in his life other than them.