All or nothing? What is your holiday schedule?

myfampgDecember 17, 2010

If we had normal visitation, BD would have DD starting tomorrow until the day after Christmas but since we don't have overnight visits yet, I have DD the entire break except when BD has his few hours on the weekend.

Out of the kindness of my heart (cough cough) for DDs sake, I emailed BD and offered that he could have her 6 hrs sat and 6 on Sunday this weekend. Christmas Eve 4 hrs and 8!! Yes 8 on Christmas Day so that DD could spend Christmas with him which she has not done in 3 years. I am willing to readjust my schedule so it will work for him. He wrote back and said I will take DD for the entire 10 days if you will lift the temporary order to allow overnight visits. If not, then no I will not be getting DD during the holiday break.

WTF? Why do I even bother?? I am not a judge and I cannot overturn the order.

Just curious other than also ranting, what kind of set up does everyone have? Not that it will change my situation but I might get ideas for the future if there is one for visitations.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

what a jerk, he'd rather not see his child at all? you are trying to do what's the best for DD and he does not care, jerk.

My DD is an adult so it does not apply here. She lives on her own pretty far from me, but closer to ex. She usually comes to me for Christmas, but won't this year due to her work schedule :( no days off on holidays. We live too far away to just come for 2 days.

When she was a minor and we lived close to her dad, we just split school breaks. When we lived further away she was with dad for ALL holidays, ALL school breaks long or short, entire summer. I never had DD for any holidays or any breaks at all, never went on vacations with her because my vacations are during school breaks and holidays. But that was fine because she lived primarily with me.

That's why it was nice that now since she lives closer to ex and sees him more often than me (I am jealous LOL) at least I have her for holidays. But not this year :(

Enjoy your DD during holidays. Keep doing what is the best for her.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 3:35AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Your ex is such a jerk. :( I am sorry. Keep doing what you feel is best for your DD---you have her best interest at heart.

My DH and BM have a holiday schedule with Holiday Group A and Holiday Group B. I forget which one DH gets this year (think it's A) but he got Thanksgiving, and he will get Christmas Eve; BM got 4th of July and Halloween. There are some other random ones mixed in, like Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Anyway, for Christmas, SS is scheduled to be with us from the *time he gets out of school for the break until 10 AM on the 25th.* Then he will be with BM from *10 AM on the 25th until 9 AM on the 31st.*

(That is what DH had LAST year. So, basically, it's like BM gets him for Christmas/Christmas break this year.

We get him for a week at spring break. :)

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 7:46AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

myfampg, your ex is a jerk. And you are correct, you cannot change the temporary order any more than he can.

For a brief period, way back when, it was alternating holidays with BM. According to DH she never showed up for hers, and that only lasted for a few months anyway. Then the judge stripped all holidays from her; for right now it's a straight every third weekend visitation schedule with holidays not taken into account at all. (Way to go, judge-idiot! I sincerely hope that they have saved you a special corner in purgatory where you can contemplate the consequences of your 30-second, I don't feel like dealing with this, split the baby, "decision".)

Anyway, I think the original schedule was something like Christmas Eve until 9:00 AM Christmas morning, and then the rest of Christmas Day with the other parent. For young kids with parents who live close together, I think that that is not a bad one.

When I was a kid, my parents lived in separate states. There was no court order because they never went to court for custody but worked it out themselves. We usually spent most of Christmas break with my father; since the distance was as far as it when we went was based more on when weekends fell in relationship to Christmas than anything else (if parents drove they met half-way, it was an all day drive so they needed to do it on a weekend, although at holidays sometimes we flew or took the train).

Our schedule was more like Parent of One's DD. It's a tough one because of course the non-custodial parent wants to see their kid as much as they can, but particularly as kids start to head into their teen years it's hard to miss every holiday or summer event with their friends.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 10:06AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

SD will be at her mom's from after school today until the day after Christmas (Sunday at 5pm). They split the vacation break and alternate each year so she was with us last year for Christmas (eve & day). She will be with us for New Years.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 10:08AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I give X all the holidays he wants because DD lives with me. This year she's with me. Our divorce decree has something like Holiday A/B but we don't go by it. We get SD for the first Christmas ever this year. YAY for us!!!

Myfam, that was a generous offer you made. Too bad he's thinking more of himself than your DD. What a shame.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 10:46AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I agree that BD is a jerk!

My DH takes whatever little pittance he can get. We have been in SD's city 3 times this year and he has spent 4 hours with her total this year. We have spent hundreds of dollars on hotel rooms and gas for those 4 hours.

It's sad that BD is choosing to have no Christmas with her.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 10:50AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

mattie we also never had anything court ordered. DD consistently wanted to go to dads for hoildays and breaks, it never changed with age, i hear teenagers don't want to go as much, it never changed for DD. She continues alternating holidays and vacations between us even after she moved on her own. Christmas time is usually mine but this year it is nobody's. She sees her dad more often than me now, he is geographically closer, so she can see him for long wekends or such, can't see me that often, I am way too far. :(

We always see SDs for holidays though because they either come here or we go there, they both live out of state but they are off and it si nto as far as DD. We get younger SD for a week and then we go see older SD for a week. SO and I both have two weeks off for Christmas.

I don't understand parents not seeing their kids whenever they have a chance. Ridicilous. Especially only child, not like they have 5 more at home they cannot leave behind. Why do some pople have kdis at all...

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 11:07AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

My DH's order is a liitle confusing. They do it by odd & even and every other holiday. So they have pretty muc h made their own. We are supposed to get them this Christmas for the 1st part of break till the day after Christmas. BUt the want to be at home for Santa that morning. Understandable. We get them every Thanksgiving when we go to DH's parents. So instead we will get them on the 27th until they go back to school. They pick where they want to be for holidays and my DH lets them.

They have a tradition that their mom wakes them up on their birthday with their birthday story. So if it falls on our week or weekend they make arrangements for them to be home with mom for that. Its all about the kids, what they want and what makes them happy for the holidays.

Your ex sounds like it ALL about HIM not your DD.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 12:26PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Do not ever delete that email.

Have a wonderful Christmas with your daughter.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2010 at 2:36PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
if I could tell stepmothers of adult children anything
My dad remarried last year, a year after my mother...
7 year old step son troubles please help
Hello everyone, I need some advise please. I have been...
Need advice please....stepson!
I am 25 and I think I have had enough of my 9 year...
New- Really need help..
Hi I am new here but hoping as people in the same...
grown adult stepchildren
I married my husband 2 years ago, his wife had died...
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™