Learning to breathe again
I am learning to breathe again. I was in a relationship with my BF for a year and a half before we broke up. We lived together, were engaged, and almost had a baby until I miscarried. I know this will sound harsh, but I am glad the pregnancy never unfolded. Although I love him, it was just not the right time.
After a break up of two months, we decided to get back together. The problems we had before had A LOT to do with him having a daughter and a very present ex-wife. I used to really want to be involved and almost have the same rights as the BM. However, after being single and without that responsibility for awhile, I learned that I didn't want to be as involved. That what that little girl would get from me is a friend and another role-model. But I would not be the one to worry about picking her up from school, worry about her homework getting done, worry about her getting to bed on time, worry about her eating dinner, worry about her getting up in the morning the next day and having her uniform, etc.
I told this to my BF the other day and he understood but wished that I would still want to be that involved. I explained to him my reasoning and liked that I stood firm on how I felt. I realized that he needed to deal with my new resolutions because, through experience, my old ones were just not working. I hope that one day we do get married and have children so I can raise them the way I see fit, but for now this is perfect. I get to experience what it is like to have a little person around who loves me and who I get to care for at times, but when she gets too difficult, it is perfect to be able to refer her to her parents who will need to handle her while I relax and enjoy my lack of parental responsibilities.
I have a lot to say on this issue, but for now, this is all I want to post.