She made contact....

mom2emallNovember 15, 2009

So this afternoon middle sd gets a text from bm saying something along the lines of how grandparents told her about sd's high (straight A) honor roll and she is so proud of her baby and loves her and misses her. And to tell her big sis and baby brother too. brother? The kid is many years past being a baby...GAG! But I guess last time she was a part of his life he was a baby(my own!)

Sd came and showed me the text and I asked if she replied. Sd said no way because she is mad at her mom and does not want to talk to her. And how dare her mom not call for all this time and then send this text when she had nothing to do with helping her get on high honor roll. I think I have mentioned before that she has a learning disability and we took her off meds a few years ago. Since then we have been playing catch up with her on school work. We read with her every night and constantly review math facts. During the summer and on the weekends we did all kinds of review. SD has worked sooo hard to catch up and do well and we are all so proud of her!

Anyways I told sd she should reply and say something because otherwise bm may think she never received it. So sd sent her a text saying something about it being time she finally contacts her after almost 10 months. And she said something about how great it was to find out that she moved away again without even saying good bye! And then she made a comment about how much her mom has missed since she dropped of the face of the earth.

I did not ask to see it, but sd showed it to me after she sent it. She asked what I thought of it and all I did was ask her if it was how she felt. She said yes and I told her that its fine to say how she feels.

Never did get a reply from bm. She was probably in awe of the fact that sd called her out like that.

I am proud of sd for standing up for herself. It will be interesting to see if we get any response!

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I think it is good that SD expressed her feelings. She should let her mother know how she feels.

And good for you for playing it cool in a situation that I'm sure you wanted to scream/cry about! It must be terrible to see your SKs hurt by their mother's actions, or lack, thereof. I think you handled the whole thing really well.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2009 at 10:35AM
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Thanks LH. It was really hard to not show how I was feeling on the inside.

On one hand I was glad bm was finally making the effort to contact the kids. On the other hand I have this too little/too late feeling. For years now she has been mostly absent with little spurts of contact like this one. This is such a hard situation for them to deal with.

And middle sd has the hardest time with it. I think its because ss was too little to know bm and older sd was old enough to know exactly what bm had done and see her for who she truly is.

Middle sd saw bm as wonderful and then all of a sudden gone. She didn't understand why and has stuggled with this for years. The little attention from bm was like a million dollars to the poor girl and she often put bm on a pedestal. Its only this past year she is starting to really see through what has been going on and realize that bm is not living up to being a mom. And I know it is hard for her.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2009 at 12:59PM
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Wow! Glad to know you and DH are helping SD with her school and school work. She did accomplish alot and should be really proud of herself. BM was probably very surprised to receive that reaction. BUT SD needed to get that off of her chest and out of her heart. Hopefully BM will get over the initial shock soon and become an integral part of her daughter's life again really soon.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2009 at 3:22PM
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So last night after the kids had gone to bed I went by their rooms to check on them, as I always do. I heard middle sd sobbing so I walked in and asked her if she was ok. She told me that since bm never responded to her text from the weekend or the other one she sent yesterday. So she called private and bm answered her cell. So SD said she hung up and resent her text. And bm never responded. SD was asking me why bm does not care about them and why she ignores them. My heart just broke for her and for a few minutes I really contemplated calling bm and giving her a piece of my mind. But then I realized that it would not help. BM would maybe be guilted into calling or texting sd back and then the same thing would happen again next time. And should me and dh really have to police bm into talking to her kids?

    Bookmark   November 17, 2009 at 9:34AM
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awww...poor kiddo. It sounds to me like she is really starting to "get" bm's bad behavior, for her to have the foresight to call BM's number private to see if she picks up, tells me that she knew in her gut BM was avoiding her, all you can do is hug her and tell her you will never leave, this is one she will struggle with for a long time.........

    Bookmark   November 17, 2009 at 10:55PM
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poor baby. My heart is breaking for her. Fine said it best just "hug her and tell her you will never leave" so sad

    Bookmark   November 18, 2009 at 3:50PM
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This is the time that really sucks - the in between 'mom is my hero' and 'mom really isn't a mom' realization time. It's SO hard on the kids AND on the adults that love them. And I know how much you want to call and lay it out for BM, make her realize her mistakes and change her actions - I'm at that same place almost daily. But you know as well as I that it won't matter. People who are as selfish and self centered as they won't ever admit to their errors, and they certainly won't change them because we 'told 'em how it is."

All we can do is show our skids through our actions and words every day that they ARE important and they ARE loved. If they hear it enough from you it will *hopefully* matter less and less that they don't hear it from their own mother.

Hugs to you both, and huge congrats on SD's grades. That is wonderful and amazing and you should all be so proud!

    Bookmark   November 18, 2009 at 10:56PM
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