How do I let go?
I have been in a relationship for 10 years I have one BS who is 12 and he has one BS who just turned 18. My problem is that I have tried to be a mother figure to SS son for the entire 10 years. I feel that I have not had the support or encouragement from his father. I have tried very hard to guide SS and his father in a positive direction concerning school work and freedom issues.
We had custody of both of our boys untill recently when SS started getting into alot of trouble with the law. After many court appearances and police visits to our home. (our house was also vandelized by SS friends.) During all this we found out that SS was getting high with his BM. Shortly after this Father agreed to allow his son to live with BM .I know this sounds horrible but SS made it clear that his loyalties lyed with his mother including lying in court about his mother and his activities. Please dont post to contact a lawyer, or children services because we have done both with no help.
The most recent problem is that he ran up several months of cell phone bills that I pay for. When I called him and sternly told him to correct whatever he was doing on his line to cost so much or I would have to shut off his line. (I will admit that I was madd but not yelling)I told him that I was not intending to be hateful but I could not afford to pay $200-$300 for a line that was supposed to be $10. He told me to "Go ahead and shut the phone off you F ing B####" and then told me that me " you and my dad need to send me some F##### money." There has been other instances of name calling from him about me to my 12 yr old son.
Today SS called and talked with his dad after 4 mo. of no contact and not returning any phone calls. He asked for
money for a class ring within 15 min his father was out the door to deliver. I am furious not about the money as much as I feel that I deserve a apology(is this childish). I was the one who finally found out that he was doing drugs and had to tell his father. So I dont know if he blames me for everything that has happened. The majority of the fights that me and his father have gotton into has been over one of the two boys.
My questions are many:
Is it possible for blended families to work? I feel that ours is being forced.
How do I keep my advice to myself? When I have always felt that I was watching a train wreck.
How do I give up? I admit that I am deeply hurt but I Love my SS and feel that I have failed him. So mix in a little guilt with all the anger and I am all jacked up!