Frustrated over an adult stepchild

anna14November 23, 2010

My 22 year old stepson who lives with us refuses to work, study or do any chores. He spends his life gaming on line, talking on the phone, sleeping in and just chilling. We paid for college few times but he never bothered to attend. I gave him a 6 month notice to move out and my husband is freaking out about it. Do I have to keep this man in a house that my husband and I own jointly? If we cannot reach an agreement on how we want to proceed are there any laws that would apply?

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lady_q

No, you do not have to keep this man in your house. He's 22, and old enough to get the heck out there and make a life for himself. Sounds like you've given him opportunities that he didn't take, so you have every right to expect him to move on. I don't know if there are any laws that would apply in this case. Why is your husband okay with him just hanging out and doing nothing productive?

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 8:52AM
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shakti2574

No, you don't have to keep this GROWN person in your house. I think your husband is feeling the GUILT from letting his son be homeless. Yes, he will be homeless, strictly from his own lack of efforts.

One way for your son to stay for the next 6 months is to ask him to present to both of you his plan on (1) getting a job, (2) how much he needs to save to pay for rents, utilities, phones,car, insurance. Don't pay for his internet,or let him use your internet.

Your husband needs to put a plan in place to help his son to grow up. Personally, I have little respects nor sympathy for these young lazy persons, while everyday other young men of their age, put their life on the line for the country in afghanistan, in iraq.

If at the end of the 6 months, your ss has not done things that you want him to accomplish then your h must not be feeling guilty for he has done all he can.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 2:55PM
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anna14

I don't know why my husband is allowing this to go on indefinitely. In his mind, his son is a little matchstick girl who needs to be waited on hand and foot and protected from the outside world. In reality, the man takes full advantage of us and has no intentions of ever getting a job or completing his college degree. Presenting him with a plan of action will not work because he totally ignores every attempt to reason with him and won't follow up on anything.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 4:18PM
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kkny

You have to reach agreement with your husband.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 4:56PM
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shakti2574

Well, the enemey is the one we see in the mirror every morning.

Tell your h to teach him about how the real world, or business works. (1) you show up on time, dress properly, and ready to step up to the plate every morning. Ask if your h's company will hire his son AS IS. (2) You carry your own weight. (3) you are accountable for your actions. (4) if you ingnore the warnings from the boss, then guess what you will be shown the door.

Now, having said that you need to tell your h that this is his adult (not child) son and that is his repsonsibility. But this is your house and you don't put up with that kind of negativity. If your h wants to continue support his son, then he can pay your the son's apartment

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 5:34PM
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kkny

She says it is a joint house, not hers alone. She can bluster all she wants. I do not think there are any laws to help her.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2010 at 7:25PM
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shakti2574

KKNY:

Yes the house is jointly owned, but the grown SS is living in the ENTIRE SPACE. SO in a way, the mother of house has a say in what is going in her HOUSE.

This grown stepson needs TOUGH LOVE, not CHARITY. I believe the job of parents is not to take care of their children for the rest of their life, but to teach them to become a responsible member of society. Guess what, if the man of the house does not solve this problem then sooner or later his marriage will suffer greatly.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2010 at 11:05AM
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kkny

I am not commenting on what should be happening. I am commenting on what I think her legal rights are. Her question was " If we cannot reach an agreement on how we want to proceed are there any laws that would apply"

Do you think she can legally evict the kid? I dont think she can in my state, maybe yours?

I am not argueing that the marriage will suffer. I am trying to address her question.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2010 at 11:24AM
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shakti2574

KKNY:

sorry for misreading your intention.

By the way, one can evict anyone else who live in your own house and is not the owner. In this case, the grown ss is not the owner by any means. He lives there at the pleasure of the two owners of the house, his F and his SM.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2010 at 3:02PM
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mommyjoof3

Although this may be sever and cause serious issues for you and your husband because you own the house you can have him evicted. I wouldnt recommend it because he is your ss and your husband nmost likely will just leave get another place and live with his son. You could change your internet modem so he can not get online without your password, you can put a block on the tv so he cannot watch without a password, it will be a lot of omg i cant believe youd do that but no internet no cable? What will he have to do? Your husband loves his son and will make excuses for him no matter what because your husband hasnt reached his breaking point. Id also just like you to know at 22 to be satisfied with this kind of life he may be suffering from depression or even bi polar disorder. Im no professional but have numerous friends with these issues and they really can not help themselves depending on their mental status. Most of them can not get or keep a job so they dont even try. i believe your husband should talk to him and see whats really going on. There may be underlying issues that you cant see.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2010 at 3:57PM
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kkny

Maybe in your state. Where I live if ANY owner gives permission for someone to occupy, not much can be done. Suggest OP consult lawyer.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2010 at 6:06PM
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