Too much to ask? Just simple manners!

sassymom12November 22, 2009

Wondering what to do! My SD 9 1/2 WILL NOT say thank you to me for anything. I don't want bells & whistles~just a simple thank you. DD will make a point to say it so SD hears & remembers but still nothing. I want to stop going out of my way & have her ask BM & my DH for things. SD won't say please to me either. I'm done having this 3yr long conversation. The rest of us in the house say please & thank you all the time but she still won't. Any ideas? Is it horrible to stop doing & buying things for her to make a point?

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mom2emall

How does your dh feel about this? I think that as a stepparent our relationship can be difficult enough with our stepkids without being the "mean" one. I would let your dh deal with this. He needs to enforce the please and thank yous.

I do not think it is horrible to teach a child respect and common courtesy. I think it is something each child needs to learn.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2009 at 11:28PM
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colleenoz

When I was a nanny I told the children I would not be able to hear requests which did not include a "please". And if I didn't hear "thank you" they would be losing whatever it was they had just received. And if they needed to interrupt, "excuse me" was mandatory. And I followed through. You'd be amazed how quickly those children's manners improved. Their father's staff (he had an in-home business) even commented on it to me :-)

    Bookmark   November 22, 2009 at 11:36PM
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yabber

Yes I agree DH needs to sort that one out. Don't stop doing things for her, it will make things more complicated.

Hopefully DH is not undermining you by letting SD get away with it? I know my FDH sometimes does and it's hard for me at times. He doesn't want to undermine me, it's not about me, it's about not wanting to be the bad guy for the kids (for fear of pushing them away for example).

    Bookmark   November 22, 2009 at 11:40PM
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justmetoo

As your SD has ADHD and is on meds, I have to ask. Is she deliberatley withholding these words to spite you? How many times in one shopping trip, or during one session of any issue is 'thank-you/please' being expected? And is she being encouraged and praised when she does pop forth with the expected words? Are you the only one she refuses to use 'manners' with?

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 7:44AM
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sweeby

The I really mean it! manners lecture would be better coming from Dad. If he'll support you on this, I'd arrange it with him so that he sees SD not thank you for something you do for her in front of Dad, then have him correct her then and lay down Colleen's simple rule.

My boys both have attention issues, but that doesn't absolve them from good manners. I find a long look is all it takes to prompt them that something's missing...

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 10:12AM
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ceph

My SS is 10 and also has ADHD. He is expected to use nice manners to everyone, at all times, and he can *usually* remember.

But occasionally, when he's pulling attitude with me, DH needs to remind him that nice manners are for everyone.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 4:04PM
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sandstone

The please is easier than the thank you...
Do NOT respond to any request that does not include please. You will be suprized by how quickly please comes out of the toughest little kid, when they are not given the object they are wanting.
The thank you will take time due to the fact that they already have said object =) however; if they are already saying please thank you comes much easier.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2009 at 2:24PM
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