how to get that feeling
I am a stepmom and a mom. I married my husband almost 2 years ago, and we have been together a total of 5 years. My husband is great. We have had our ups and downs but he is truly a wonderful husband and father. When we met my sd's were 6 and 2. I knew going in that their mother was in and out of the picture. My husband flat out told me that. Before I even met the kids he told me how serious it was that I was meeting his girls because he did not let anyone else meet them. I knew that eventually I would end up filling a mother type role in their lives.
I thought I could do that. I married my husband and have done everything to be a good wife and stepmother. I even quit my job to stay home with the kids because we had such a problem with babysitters. I also took on a babysitting job in our home to make some extra money.
My stepkids are wonderful to me. They really are good kids. They get along great and are polite and kind. They treat me very nicely. But for some reason I just do not feel close to them. I am always nice to them and give them attention and affection. Most people think they are my daughters because of the closeness we portray.
I think part of my problem is my dislike for their mother. She is such a wench. And I guess it bothers me that they still think she is wonderful and hang on her every word and action. She will go months without seeing them or talking to them and then she will just swing back into their lives and they eat it up. Then I am pushed aside. In front of her they do not even pay attention to me. They will not hug me like usual or even acknowledge me. If I take them to a movie they appreciate it and thank me. But if their mom does it then they act like it was the best thing in the world! If I play toys or games with them they enjoy it. But if their mom takes them for a night or two and buys them some cheap toy and puts them in front of cartoons they act is if it was the best time they ever had!
It makes me resent them at times. And I feel like such a horrible person for doing that. How can I seperate my feelings for their mother from my feelings for them? I just do not know how to change it. When I look at my older sd I see the spitting image of her mom. It is like a constant reminder of the woman. Her mom is so mean to me. She says mean things about me to the girls and seems to complain about everything me and dh do. She even complains about the clothes we send the kids with each time they do see her. They are not brand names so they are not good enough! She complains about the way I do younger sd's hair. She complains that we won't let older sd wear make-up yet. She complains that we recently moved and the girls had to go to a new school. She just complains about everything.
It is just so much more than I thought it would all be. Is it like this for everyone?