DH's Stepfamily Situation
I don't think I've ever talked about DH's stepfamily situation on here, but, believe me, he knows all-too-well how it feels to be from a broken family.
DH has 2 older siblings that share the same biological father. 40 years ago, DH's mom divorced her husband and married the man DH calls "Dad". FIL legally adopted the three kids, so they all have his last name. 9 years later, MIL & FIL had another child; the only biological child of FIL.
FIL was their "dad"...legally. But he didn't treat them that way, and definitely treated his biological son differently. DH has always known he had a different father, but he was only 5 when the other father gave up his rights and FIL adopted him. So FIL is the ONLY father he has ever known.
And he wasn't a very good father, other than providing necessities. DH told me of his struggles growing up knowing that FIL used to coach a baseball team before he adopted him and his siblings, but never came to any of HIS games. Even after all the kids were grown and had moved away, he mentored a kid that lived in their town. He went to this other boy's games and events. DH never understood.
FIL passed away last week and we went to their town to help with arrangements and the funeral. DH had this internal emotional struggle the entire time he was there. He wrestled with loving his dad, but never feeling like his dad loved him. He wonders why his dad would adopt three kids and take care of them, but treat them as outcasts.
So now there is this rumor that FIL put everything in a trust for MIL to be doled out to MIL by....guess who? Yep FIL's only biological child. Leaving teh other three kids out.
For the record, the three older kids don't want anything as far as a will. What they do want is their very capable mother to be able to manage her own money and do what SHE wants.
If the rumor is true (MIL doesn't know if FIL did something behind her back) it was yet another way to favor his only biological child. FIL knew that MIL would want ALL of them to have an inheritance. So by not giving the money directly to MIL, FIL could ensure all the money went to MIL's care or his biological son.
MIL is still very independent and can live on her her for quite some time. It just doesn't seem fair for her to have to run to her kid every time she wants to do anything.
Plus, it would break her heart (as I'm sure FIL knew) if her were not all treated equally. She is such a kind and wonderful person; making sure EVERYONE felt loved and included....even me & DS. DS was even listed as a grandson in the funeral program.
I am thankful to FIL for giving DH a father. God only knows if he would've had one with his biological father. But FIL was cold to the older kids most of the time they were growing up. So it's been such an emotional tug-of-war dealing with his passing.
For my part, as well as DS, we loved FIL. But we only knew him after he was already 70 and more mellow. I never really experienced the coldness the others talk about, but I did experience the favoritism of the bio child.
I don't know. I just needed to talk. Has anyone else experienced any feelings like this?