Disrespectful, nasty, shoplifting 17 yr old SD, help!
I am at my wits' end. I have 13 yr old triplets, the result of my first marriage. My husband and I have a 4 yr old together. And he has 2 daughters, 17 and 15. We have sole custody of the 17 yr old....long story, the mom is a whack job and the girl has issues. Lots of them. Many resulting from her parents' divorce and her diabetes diagnosis a few years ago, but even before that I always thought there was something a little off about her.
Anyway. it's been one drama after the other since she came to live with us. Cutting. Getting suspended from school and then to a court-ordered intervention program for troubled teens. Not paying attention to her sugar levels and winding up in the hospital. Disordered eating (eats only 5 foods, no meat, veggies, fruit or beans.)
It seems she is always creating some kind of drama, and it keeps going up a notch -- probably to get attention. This last week she was caught shoplifting -- by herself. The only consequence was a fine by the store. It certainly wasn't her first time, and doubtfully will be her last. Next up, pregnancy? Yeah, an overweight diabetic teen with the maturity of an 8 yr old managing a pregnancy. (I'm not being mean, she really does lack maturity. She refuses to even try to manage her diabetes, Dad has to check her levels all the time. Last week she ate an entire can of frosting.)
Last night was her Dad's birthday, and she did nothing for him. No card, no gift (I offered to take her shopping), didn't even wish him a happy birthday ("that's how she's wired," her Dad excused.) She never wishes anybody in the family a happy birthday. But she sat in another chair in the kitchen while we ate (wouldn't have what I made.) Before cake was served, my husband said it would be nice if all the kids cleaned up. I agreed, pointing out to the other girls, my son, and the 17 yr old. She looked at me, said she didn't eat my %$^#$ dinner so why should she clean it up, and why didn't I do my #%$#% job as a housewife and start doing things around here for a change!? (And let me say that this girl sits on her fat ass in her room all day and NEVER does one chore.) Than she stomped off to her room. I was horrified. My husband did nothing. The other kids heard it all. I just looked at him and said, "Let me tell you this. I won't allow my kids to talk to me like that, and neither will I allow yours." I was so furious last night I didn't know what to do. My husband apologized for her behavior this morning, but I told him I don't want HIS apology, I want hers. Not on paper, but accompanied by a talk. I am just really upset. I have done so, so much to try and connect with her. It's like trying to be friends with a rock. Like there's nothing in there, almost. She never says hello or goodbye to anyone. Never asks about anyone's day, or comments on clothing, shoes, a new picture on the wall, anything!!! She is very hard to like.
Anyone go through this kind of hell? This girl is heading down the road to ruin and dad can't see it. He's trying to protect her but she's going to pay the price for it. I can't talk with him about it, he gets too defensive. Thanks.