end of my rope
I love my husband dearly... and I don't know how it's gotten so badly, but the only solution to hanging onto MY sanity, is to divorce my husband or send SD to live with her mother... but it seems neither parent wants that. BM doesn't want it, she's been complaining that SD is having behavioral problems there & can't deal with it. I think BM deserves to be forced to deal with it... she created the monster. DH says SD's better off here, but he's as frustrated as I am (well, as much as he can be without having to deal with her as much as I do)
A few weeks ago, we went to her conference. She had F's in every academic class & a B in PE, D in study hall. They gave us a "BS plan" that of course, isn't going to work. SD won't 'study' for 30 minutes, let alone 2.5 hours. You can make a kid sit at her desk & stare at the book/paper, but you cannot "make" them study. She bides her time & does nothing. Fast forward to the two weeks before Halloween. She came home & was in a good mood. She had asked to start calling me mom & I guess she thinks that means she can start breaking the rules... after all, I guess she thinks I only enforce the rules when we are not getting along? I suspected the whole "let me call you mom" routine was a manipulation. I wanted to believe she meant it so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I even supported her in going to her mom's for the party & trick or treating on Halloween weekend because I saw her taking out her books * doing her work after school every day. She still wasn't getting the answers right, but I saw 'effort' which was more than before when she was lying that she had no homework or that it was already done.
So, Wednesday we gave permission for her to go to BM's on Halloween. Monday (after the 'fun' weekend) she brings me a detention slip marked 2nd referral in one week. It was dated the Thursday before Halloween. So, she held onto it & gave it to me after she got to have her fun at mom's. I also noticed that her grades have all dropped since we had the conference... yes, they are all still F's but she had 57% in a couple of classes which could have been brought up to a D fairly easy.. that is now a 42%, and her PE grade dropped because she's been hanging out with some boys & walking the mile instead of running the mile on test day. She lied to me & told me she was losing points for not wearing a ponytail at PE.
Honestly, I can't believe a word she says & I told her that I need to be able to trust the people I live with. I've told her that many times but this last time... finding out she got two referrals in one day (Thursday) after we gave her the benefit of the doubt... we had told her she could not go trick or treating if her grades weren't improved & it was DH's weekend, so we didn't have to let her go to her mom's. When I talked to DH about letting her go, he wanted to stick to what we said.. her grades were still down but I told him how hard I have seen her trying, etc. & I told SD that I was backing her up because I see her trying & want to give her the benefit of the doubt but she better not let us down.. I was TRUSTING her. So, the very next day she gets written up for using foul language & throwing a pencil at another student (the referral said it stabbed the other student in the neck) but she comes home Thursday & says nothing... then goes to her mom's on Friday to have fun. On Monday, we get the referral because detention is on Tuesday. Well, I decided I am not going to leave work Tuesday to pick her up so I called & scheduled to have her do her detention on Friday since her grandma picks her up Friday anyways.
Her school also has a weekly detention on Thursdays after school and it's only for completing missing assignments. If a student doesn't get an assignment done by the due date, they can attend this class, get it done & turn it in for at least half credit instead of a zero. When SD attends, she rides the bus after to the elementary school where I have always arranged to pick her up. Last week she went & my dad went to pick her up. He waited for an hour but no SD... buses came & left but she was nowhere to be found. He called me, I was worried & called the school. As I'm talking to the school, she strolls in & I ask her how she got there? She says the bus driver refused to let her off the bus at the elementary school so she rode the whole route that drops her at her regular stop. Well, I was upset with the bus driver because I didn't know there was a late route & I had been arranging to pick her up at the school for several weeks, so I was angry that the driver decided she had to stay on the bus. After talking to the bus supervisor, I was told they cannot let SD off the bus anywhere but her regular stops and if she was getting off at the elementary school, it was supposed to only be to switch buses & get on her regular route bus. So, that cleared up the confusion & from now on, SD will ride the entire route & get off the bus at my office. Problem solved? UGH!! NO.
This week, SD got two referrals from teachers for missing homework (these are different from the behavioral referrals ~ so that's 4 referrals in 7 days... for anyone keeping track!) She was attending the homework detention yesterday & rode the bus. She told the bus driver to wait for her at the elementary school & ran into the office frantically to call DH. She called him & said "Ima knows to get me from the elementary school, right?" and he tells her he'll call me. So, he calls me & I am annoyed that she got off the bus at the school instead of staying on like I arranged. I am annoyed that the bus driver LET her... they told me their policy is to keep her on the bus the whole route unless we sign a permission slip. I was on my way to the dentist & ended up calling to let them know I was going to be a little late. The receptionist asked if she'd have time to run to the bank, I said it was only going to be a few minutes because the school is just down the road. So, she was going to wait for me. I get to the school & no SD. I go into the office & they tell me SD came in to use the phone but went outside. So, I walk all over the campus looking for her, on my phone with DH because I'm not finding her. I'm frantic & looking on the playground & bathrooms, nope... she's not there. I go back to the office & call the transportation supervisor because they were not supposed to let her off the bus. I'm on hold when my daughter calls & tells me SD strolled into my office... she had gotten back on the bus & rode the route. So, now I'm relieved she's okay but pretty pissed off the more I think about it. Why would she call & tell DH she's at the school & then get back on the bus to her normal stop? So, I rush over to my dentist & now it's been 20-25 minutes & apologize that she had to wait for me & missed going to the bank. Then I'm told it has to be rescheduled because other patients had appointments & there isn't enough time to do what needs to be done. I've been waiting 4 days for this appointment & it gets put off until next Tuesday. I'm not in a lot of pain, but I have two teeth giving me discomfort. I get back to my office & SD walks over to me (with a smirk & not an ounce of remorse) to talk to me and in order for me to remain calm, I tell her NOT NOW. I am not going to talk about it while I'm at work. (& I wanted her to know that I am too upset to even talk to her at that moment) She smiles & goes back to her chair.
On the way home, I ask her what she was thinking. She says "I don't know". I'm telling her how upset I was, how it affected a whole bunch of people.. and she is looking out the window & saw something funny & started to giggle. I am just so done with her! I haven't figured out if she did that on purpose to inconvenience me or if she lacks the common sense to know if she calls dad, wait for the ride. But, it was the attitude after the fact of not giving a crap how it affected anyone else or that we were upset... I was not the only one upset & she seemed to not care one iota... she acted like it was funny.