Just a little venting here...
I just need to dump today nad possibly get soem poitive feedback or suggestions.
So it's been the week form hell for us. It has been super busy. We have had two DR. Appts., a viewing, a funeral, a wedding, a broken down car (which pooped out on us AT the wedding) two birthdays and a two sick children to deal with all in the past five days.
I am so tired. I am huge. My back hurts like hell. I'm not sleeping good because I'm getting so big. I am still working 10 hours a day if you count the drive time and when I get home I have to help tend to the girls so they arn't up till 10:00 on a school night. I'm bending over a tub washing hair, helping with homework, giving medicine, laying out schoool clothes, fixing drinks and picking up toys as soon as I hit the door at 6:30pm. I leave the house in the mornings at 6:30am. Exhausted is a understatement. Jonathan has his hands full with dinner, the kitchen, the plants and the animals.
Anyway you get the picture. This morning the girls are being extra whinney about everything. They didn't like the cereal we had. They didn't want the orange juice...they wanted apple juice. They were cold. (it was 78 degrees in teh house and I was sweating to DEATH...hormones)They didn't want to wear this jacket. They didn't want to wear these shoes.
In the mist of all this R started crying that she wanted to bring a toy to school. I told her toys weren't allowed at school and that the teacher would take it. So she starts in with the "Well my mama let's me take toys to school." which of course is complete crap because her mother has never even taken her to school no less get up at the butt crack of dawn to get her ready for school. I wanted to call her on it so bad but instead just said "Well your not at mama's honey. You are at daddy's" Her response "Well I want to go live with my real mama"
I wanted to so bad with my aching back and blood shot eyes to just unload. For one terrible split second the thought "Well your mama doesn't want you" popped into my brain. Of course I dare not speak that out but I would be a liar if I said it didn't ring out in the back of my head. I said nothing instead and went about my business getting ready for work.
I know this kindof thing will be common the older they get and that kid's are MASTERS at playing adults against each other. It becomes a game for them. I wasn't prepared for how much emotion it would conjour up. I was hurt and infuriated at the same time. Here I am killing myself waiting on them hand and foot sweating my ass off because they are cold and as soon as one thing doesn't go their way it's "I want my real mama".
I know bio parents get this same rejection from kids as well...it isn't specific to step parents. Kids are capable of making all parents feel like crap sometimes. It just sucks extra hard to be the custodial step mother when they start getting into this faze because it is all too easy for the kids to pull the "real" mom card. It hurts.