So Many Emotions . . .
It's been almost a month since I broke up with my BF because we couldn't get along on issues regarding his son. I've been trying to stay busy with work, school and my daughters, but there are times when I find myself thinking about him and I still miss him.
Sometimes I get resentful and wish that BF's son would just go away and everything could go back to how it used to be. When it was just the four of us, me, BF and my two girls, everything was fine. Then I have to remind myself that it's not BF's son fault, that it's really BF's fault for spoiling his son and allowing him to do the things his son does.
Last week BF had another check he needed me to cash for him. I had told him I would continue to do it until the end of this year for him. We were leaving the bank and he asked "So remember we said we would take a month and you would check and see how I'm doing with making E behave? From when are you counting that month?" I said, "I know at first I'd said I'd give you a month to make changes but I thought about it and I don't think a month will be long enough. I think we both need to just move on. "
Then exBF basically started begging me to give him more time to change. I said Before I thought you said I needed to accept you the way you are, that you shouldn't have to change? He said Now I realize you were right, change is good if you're changing to become a better person.
I told him he shouldn't make changes because of me. He needs to do them for himself and his son, regardless of whether I'm in the picture or not. He kept talking and all I could think of was how mad I was that NOW he wanted to make all these changes, NOW that I've broken up with him.
Finally I said "Now that I break up with you, now you realize I was right, or you say I'm right. I shouldn't have to break up with you to make you realize what you need to do. Do you realize how much time I've spent these past few months, doing research to help you, both with getting custody of E and how to fix your tax problem? But you didn't want to hear my advice. You'd even get angry at me when I tried to tell you what you could do to get custody of your son.
He said "You're right, I didn't want to listen to you. I was reacting to you that way because BM would hound me with questions and I realize I was treating you as if you were BM and not Amber."
We talked some more, and BF said he was not asking me to put my life on hold, he just asked that in a little while that I "check him out" and see how he's doing with making his son behave. I said fine but I was not making any promises.
So many emotions. One day I feel lonely and miss him, other days I think of what an idiot he's been on so many things and get annoyed. Sometimes I come on here and start reading the threads I've wrote about him and realize I'm better off without him.
And re-reading some the threads I realized I was making some excuses for him, I didn't want to admit that maybe BF wasn't as great as at first I thought he was. Like, BF has had over seven years to get custody of his son but didn't do anything about it.
And then I get mad, mad for investing so much time into this relationship. I feel like I wasted my time! I hate that I love being around him but can't stand to be around his son. I know it's a package deal, but it's really not fair because I only want the father, I don't want the son. It's like you meet someone and fall in love with them, then the guy says, by the way - here's my brother and he's going to be a part of this relationship as well.
I know you'll say - well, you knew when you first started dating that he had a son. Yeah, but people say WAIT to introduce the kids. That is the worst advice either! So you wait to introduce the kids, and meanwhile you're becoming attached to the dad. By the time you meet the kids any misgivings you might have are squashed by the feelings you have developed for the dad!
I hate it! GRRRRRRRR!!! Anyway, thanks for listening!