Tell me what you think????
I've posted a few times about my stepdaughter's foot. Since there are quite a few new posters here, I'll give a little background.
SD is 9. BM & DH had 50/50 until last September when BM moved away to live with BF (after heated 5 mo custody battle) and just gave over SD to us. She's told SD she wants SD to come live with her but has not taken any action to make it happen, I think she says it to ease her guilt when SD is pressuring her, so BM tells SD that DH took her away from her. SD has been told that DH did NOT take her away from BM. Also, BM has been saying she's gonna go for custody since being ordered to pay $216 in CS in April, yet she hasn't paid anything. She is also to pay 1/2 of medical bills, also paid nothing so far. I'm frustrated because BM's lies & breaks promises to SD (and SD's disappointment) is taken out on me. Whether she is upset with her mom or dad, I am the target... I've accepted that & doing my best to let it go.
Anyways, the foot issue:
During the summer, SD was with her mom. She played on the trampoline & when she jumped off, got a thorn stuck in her foot. BM & SD didn't tell us. Toward the end of summer, SD told DH she had a bump on her foot but said she had no idea what it was or what it could be. He thought it looked like a spider bite, so he didn't do much with it. (I didn't look at it) A couple of weeks later, she complained about it again & he realized a spider bite wouldn't still be there so he showed it to me. I saw a black dot in the middle & said it looks like a splinter or thorn. So, I asked her if she showed her mom (since she was at her moms during the week in the summer & with us only on the weekends during summer.) and she told me she told her mom but her mom told her to tell her dad to take her to the doctor. This was the week before school started & I made an appointment to take her. My assumption is that BM didn't want to pay the $20 copay so she told SD to have us take her. At the first visit, she finally admitted she knew she stepped on a thorn. (I think she didn't want to say that because it might make her mom look bad or she might have thought her mom would get in trouble because it happened at her house or she didn't take SD to the doctor for it. I really don't know why she lied about not knowing how it happened) Her primary doctor removed the thorn but it left a small cut on her foot. The next day, she went to BM's for the weekend & that Sunday she came back with very dirty feet. She claims she took a shower but there was a lot of dirt on the bottoms of her feet & no band aid. The wound was black from the dirt. Also, the swelling hadn't gone down so I took her back to the doctor. They thought maybe they missed some of the thorn so the doctor cut into the spot to allow it to drain. She was to soak her foot & keep it dressed. Again, she goes to BM's house & comes back with it full of dirt again, no dressing, etc. Again, I took her to the doctor & it was worse. This time, the doctor cut out all the way around the spot & told me she suspected it was a wart. Not sure how a wart gets there but I presume it was when the first doctor removed the thorn & left an open sore... I believe warts are caused from a virus that entered through the open sore. Anyways, she again goes to her mom's & didn't take care of it. We went back to the doctor & she treated it with a topical medication & bandaged it saying to leave it bandaged until her next visit in 2 weeks. SD yanked off the bandage that night & I re-bandaged it. She hasn't been back to her mom's since then because last weekend was DH's. She went with BM this weekend. Her appointment with the foot doctor is on Monday and when the appointment was made, I assumed SD would be in school. I made sure the appointment was set for after school so she wouldn't have to be pulled out of class. On Thursday night, SD told BM that her foot was oozing and DH/I checked it and the wart came off and a bit of pus oozed out. BM said it's probably infected and told SD to tell daddy to get her to the doctor. Well, her appointment is on Monday so that is the soonest she can be seen.
So, yesterday (Friday) BM calls DH and tells him that since it's a holiday weekend, she's keeping SD until Tuesday. He tells her fine, but she'll need to bring SD to her doctor visit. She tells him no, it's her weekend and we shouldn't have scheduled anything on her time. I can see her point, but WTF? She was just insisting the night before that her daughter NEEDS to get this taken care of. On top of that, there is a $50 cancellation fee since we are not able to give 24 hours notice that will have to be paid before she is seen again. And we're not sure if the doctor will be able to see her this week or not. We didn't know it was a holiday weekend... the holiday is Tuesday, not Monday. It didn't even cross my mind because if it were a holiday, a doctor's office wouldn't have made me an appointment. So, it was an honest mistake. We gave BM the option of taking her or us picking her up on Sunday & we'll take her. She told DH that she would have her see a doctor over there (in her town) but then came back and told him to reschedule it because she hardly ever gets to see her daughter & this is HER time. (and she threw in that she isn't paying any cancellation fee since we made the appointment on her time)
She is so freakin' worried about HER time, but two weeks ago, she canceled because she had 'knee surgery' but was out shopping for halloween stuff with BF & his kids and going to BF's kids' soccer games, while SD was home crying & upset that mom is hurt & can't get out of bed. Then, BM sent DH a text that she wants to trade weekends because SD's sister has a taekwondo event on the 15th, so can she take SD on the 22nd instead. WTH? She doesn't want to take her daughter to the sister's event? Why would THAT be a problem? Then, I see on myspace that her best friend is having a big party on the 15th. Every month, her best friend throws these wild parties & then post pictures of everyone falling down drunk, half naked & doing body shots, etc. Her BF already canceled the weekend with his kids to go with BM to SD's sister's event, but if she takes SD, she won't have anyone to babysit her. BM's mom will keep SD's sister but doesn't like to watch SD. (there's a favoritism issue there). She is probably planning to go to the party after the older daughter's event and of course, that daughter lives with grandma so grandma will watch her.
I guess I'm feeling frustrated because the bills for SD are mounting... weekly counseling because of her feelings of abandonment from her mom, doctor visits her mom insists we take her to, calls to CPS where BM is complaining we are neglecting her by not taking her to see the doctor over every little complaint, and the fact that BM won't pay a penny for anything. DCSS is on her ass but that takes time & meanwhile, SD comes to tell us 'mom want you to take me to the doctor' for this or that, but when SD really needs to see the doctor & it's on mom's time, it's a big fat NO. So, SD is gonna suffer and we are again stuck paying an extra $50 for nothing. This wart has already cost me $100 in visits/copays. My frustration isn't really about the money, but that does exasperate it. But, I do feel like BM is doing this on purpose to make us spend more on medical bills.