Thoughts Help: Reunited With Father After 30 Years
Last fall I received a call from my half brother - we talk sporadically but we've always had a good relationship. During our conversation he asked if I'd heard from our father (a question we've been asking each other for 30 years) and my answer was the same as always, "no". When we'd finished speaking I decided I would look my father up - it took me all of $14.95 and 8 minutes before I had him on the phone. I called him up without thinking thru what I was actually doing. I was just as shocked to find him as he was at being found. LOL. After the initial shock our conversation was awkward and tentative. We exchanged numbers and began calling one another.
Here is a little background information:
My father left my mother for another woman "Nancy" when I was 7. My Dad married "Nancy" and raised her daughter Megan- while basically abandoning me (I had a brief relationship with him at the age of 16-I'm 46 now). During the brief relationship I did not get along with Nancy at all - after my visit my father and she divorced for a short period of time and she always blamed me for it.
I contacted my father last fall after about 30 years on a whim. Well it was the best spontaneous thing I've ever done. After months of talking on the phone we made plans to see one another. He's flown here twice in the last year to visit with me, my brother and our families and our reunion has been good emotionally for both all of us. He's apologized and acknowledged and took total responsibility for abandoning us and we've been able to forgive him and move forward. He and I now talk on the phone daily (from his secret cell phone-it's secret because Nancy hid or broke the previous phones) and we email one another frequently. My brother, my father and I are all ecstatic that after all these years we have reconnected and getting to know one another.
Here's the problem - my father's wife, Nancy of 40 years is having all kinds of fits and doesn't want him to have ANYTHING to do with me - his biological daughter. She erases my voice mails, intercepts cards from my children to their grandfather, turns my photos down, has violent fits after I talk to my father on the home phone (she doesn't know about the cell phone). I sent my father a guided biography journal for father's day to fill out for me. He spent months filling it out with all types of historical information/stuff and she took it and threw it away. Basically she's making it very difficult for my father with all this bickering about me. My father is hurt and angry because he says this should be the best time in his life - reconnecting with his children.
Basically she doesn't want me to exist. They are both in their 70's and my father is seriously contemplating divorcing her as he doesn't want to live the remaining days of his life fighting with her and he refuses to give his kids up again. She is responding to our reunion as if I am "another woman" instead of a daughter that simply wants to have a relationship with her father. It's the strangest thing I've ever heard of. I've not asked for anything other than my father's time - so I don't know why she's tripping.
Oh lest I forget - her daughter, Megan is very ill and bed-ridden and living with Nancy & my Dad. Dad has taken care of Megan for 47 years as she has severe mental health issues. He is furious that after all he's done for her daughter, Megan that she would behave so cruelly and selfishly because he simply wants to have a relationship with his own children.
This has been going on for over a year now with no signs of progress. My dad seems to be getting more and more impatient and frustrated. This should be a joyous time for all of us - but it's like a sick soap opera. I've reached out to Nancy twice and she is not at all interested in making amends with me.Please send prayers/thoughts/good vibes our way.