Sick Step Son

momof3_stepof1November 30, 2011

Ok, yes, my last few days have been full of drama!! Oh goody! My ss spent Thanksgiving with his mom. We picked him up from bm's moms house on Sunday. We picked him up at noon, bm left there at 9 am to go home to the other state. SS was FINE all day Sunday then Sunday night he came into our bedroom crying because he didn't feel well. He said his stomach hurt really bad and he felt like he was going to throw up. We got him a bucket and dh layed in his room for a bit. Monday he didn't feel well and stayed home from school. (DH was calling me yelling at me to come home, I was driving to hearing.... he didn't want me to go, obviously I had to.... BUT he kept saying I'm the mom and need to be there with him............ I know you all will criticize him for this... it's ok, I already know) My hearing was 2 hours away. It started late because the jail didn't have dumb @ss there on time. I got out of there about 9:45 got home by 11:40ish. DH had left ss there with his phone beside him. I made him a dr appointment for 1. I took him. He had labs and xray to rule out appendecitis. DH texted bm, she said her evil little brat ss had been sick a week ago Monday and two kids her mom babysits for had been sick a couple weeks ago. She says they talked Saturday night and then again Sunday night and she thinks he's just emotionally drained. Tuesday he went to school. DH made him, didn't ask how he was, just sent him on. About noon we got a call from the nurse. He needed picked up. Again, dh calls me saying "what do I do?" "You're the mom, you decide".... OMG! IF I decide and it's against bm's wishes I'm the one at fault.... OMG!! Ok, so we take him to ER (Dr told us if he didn't get better to do so) DH just brought him here... to my work. I was here. I clocked out and stayed with him. DH left to go get ds9. Again nothing found wrong with ss. They give him zofran, he feels better. We go home he plays a ton with ds9, does homework, eats a HUGE dinner. (BTW... he says he barely ate all weekend with bm.... NICE!!... and it's gotta be true... he lost 5 pounds. NOT GOOD... he's only 81 lbs now and is 11!!! He's at least 5'2. My ds11 weighs 130... yes, MUCH bigger boned, etc... but huge difference) We watch some TV, he is laying on me for an hour or more. I'm fine with it but ds9 is HUGELY jealous... and comes sits on me too. SS gets up and goes to bathroom downstairs and acts like he's going to throw up. DH asks him what's wrong? He says he doesn't feel good again. DH says.... you are sick, then you're not, then you are, then you're not. Asks him what's really going on. SS says nothing. DH and I both asked what happened over the weekend. He says nothing. DH is frustrated beyond belief. SS goes to bed. I go in and pick up dirty laundry. SS tells me he's scared of dh getting mad at him for being sick and starts to tear up. (But only after he said... momof3... nevermind and I prodded him) I think maybe he just made something up but was going to tell me something. DH has never been scary to ss. EVER!

I read bm's texts to dh. To me it sounds like she is putting crap in ss's head. He either now doesn't want to go with her or he's feeling guilty about something. I'm not sure what it is. BM called him Monday night and Tuesday night and he didn't return her calls. (he missed them)... his sd texted him and he didn't return a text. He's not sick! I sent him to school with a zofran in his belly. No call yet. I really think this stupid woman is tormenting him in some way. SS has ALWAYS been open with me and came to me telling me things... and it's always stuff he's "not supposed to tell".... I told him I love him last night and reminded him he can tell me anything. He shook his head yes and said he loved me too.

He has to get braces January 9 because of the tooth that's coming in where she didn't get a spacer put in. It's coming in in the roof of his mouth. It's going to be $4000. She has to pay 40%. She said she's ok with him getting them but not ok with paying.... she told ss this, not us.

This morning she texted dh and asked to get him Dec 16 and 17... then let us have him till Christmas morning and us meet her at old meeting spot to go to her that day. Otherwise he's not getting his gifts from her till Monday after Christmas and not from us till after break... January 8. There is just no way we can drive to the new meeting spot twice one weekend and then to old meeting spot the next. I told dh we aren't required to drive that much. If she wants to do that that's fine but she's picking him up at our home Christmas day. Then we find out ss has basketball tournament the 16th and 17th... so we are telling her no. I'm afraid she'll call ss and make him feel guilty. Remember, she's only supposed to get him one weekend per month. We are allowed to say no because she's getting him from Dec 23 to January 8.

What the heck is she doing? Why is he sick? Oh... and NO FEVER either!!! I feel like he's forcing himself to throw up. We heard him in the bathroom "coughing".... Something happened this weekend. DH and I are convinced of it. What do you think?

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Last night also while ss was laying on me.... I mean this as I was sitting on the couch and his head was on my lap. We were watching a dvr'd xfactor. Chris Rene came on and was talking about his meth addiction. I have lived a somewhat sheltered life and have not much knowledge of drugs. I asked my dh how someone does meth. SS looks up at me and says isn't that the one they do through a straw? I looked down at him quickly and kinda gave him a funny look but didn't say anything. He said that dh had been watching a show about it and he saw it there. I don't remember dh ever watching a show about this. It seemed odd and quick. Remember.... bm's husbands family has been arrested for drugs and has been known to do them. I'm nervous about this knowledge. He also has mentioned he knows what pot smells like.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 1:39PM
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--"IF I decide and it's against bm's wishes I'm the one at fault.... OMG!!"--

No, it's not about BM's wishes in your SS's case. She drove off leaving Dh to be primary with the child. Dh has the decision on 24/7 stuff. If SS is holding stomach squealing in pain, while DH might text and let BM know he's taking SS in for test, there is not much of 'against BM's wishes' to consider. I'll assume the court orders gives DH medical care responsibility and decisions (even if BM has to fork over a set percentage of cost).

So SS was fine when he came home? Gave no reason to believe he had not had a good visit? Could perhaps SS just been missing home, his things and wanting to be a bit babied and play a bit of hooky? I don't know, but my oldest boy when he was that age had a few occassions where he was just sooooo ill could not go to school, only to have a miracle recovery within an hour. Suddenly playing vid games and requesting something special for breakfast was not too much for such an ill kid. He did that to me twice, the second try I got him dressed and hauled his buns to school and made him tell the principal. He never tried it again.

But your son does not seem to have been wanting to just skip school. He let you take him to dr and also ER. Pretty extreme on his part because he'd know if he got 'caught' faking after all that Dh/you would not be amused.

I would not worry too much if SS was doing the 'Dad will get mad' know that is a crock, Dad is nothing to be afraid of. But if Dh was winging out because SS was threatening to barf all over, Dh might have mumbling some sign of displeasure. it sounds like it is usually you doing the sick kids and any barfing...calling you to come home, poor guy, too funny. Tough. Clean it up Daddy.

All I can say is keep an eye and ear out where SS is concerned to see if there might be anything else to indicate his visit did not go well. There is a chance this on again off again illness really had nothing at all to do with the could have sprung from a real tummy ache (ate too much, played too rough, needed to take a BM...if he ate poorly all week a sudden big meal may have done a number on his digestive tract).

As far as the drug knowledge, hopefully he just saw something on tv, a movie somebody was watching. Hopefully no one is doing drugs around him. But sure he knows that no matter what, he can come and talk to you/dad. He won't be in trouble for something someone else did.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 3:42PM
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Ok, I would have agreed with some of what you said.... except I took the boys to school this morning then went to Verizon to get my phone fixed. I came home and there's a ups package for my ss from bm. AGAIN!!!!!! It feels like there is either two video games or two movies in it. WTF!!! It's what 3 weeks till Christmas and she's sending random "gifts". AGAIN! She's still not garnished and I'm willing to bet my husbands entire Christmas bonus that she doesn't pay a dime before Christmas. Him being "sick" and now her sending stuff to "butter him up" makes me still think he's hiding something for her. The kid rarely plays video games anymore because we have him so involved with other stuff he doesn't have time.... that's ALL he did with her. And Movies.... barely. That's the other thing he did with her. This just pisses me off to no end! How bout some regular support.... or how bout planning to help pay for the braces we are putting on him next month. NOPE!! She's just going to play hero. I'm the fing one who missed work Tuesday. I'm the fing one who rubbed his back and comforted him while she didn't even call. UGH!!! Jump off a fing cliff already white trash blonde bimbo!

That's a vent... thanks!

    Bookmark   December 1, 2011 at 11:18AM
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Too bad you couldn't intercept the random gifts and save them for "santa" gifts ;0)

I know, that's bad, but come on...I think like you she is showering him with gifts so he won't tell whats really going on over there.


    Bookmark   December 13, 2011 at 12:16PM
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