need urgent advice before Thanksgiving
I have no one in real life who i can ask that (too involved) and I believe that people here are the most reasonable and have the most common sense. help me here...rather urgent since it is thanksgiving related.
I am very upset wiht my SO and tell me if this is reasonable. Originally his DD21 was supossed to come home for thanksgiving but then all of a sudden she has to drive across the country to sick grandma and she has to drive BM's BF who is usually too drunk to drive (BM is already there). Nice.
Now SO is angry and as a result of that (which is somewhat typical-BM and DDs do somehting and I get punished) refuses to go wiht me to my family for Thanksgiving.
he would rather sit home alone than go wiht me. My family always does thanksgiving at my aunts mainly because they have the biggest house in the family and my cousins have young children.
He refuses to go wiht me, his rationale: I am uncomfortable in your aunt's house, I don't know them enough, my holiday is already ruined by my ex, my DD is not home but has to drive drunk BF blah blah blah.
let me tell you my family are the nicest, our family parties are the nicest, my aunt is welcoming and kind, and then of course my parents and brother are great wiht SO.
I am in a situation when i have to lie to my aunt because i won't be able to tell her the reason why SO not there, I will have to lie he is out of town. i am uncomfortable lying. To tell her that he doesn't want to come and would rather sulk by himself is embarassing.
Now, I can't explain enough here but seriously I feel that it is a symptom of a problem rather than a minor incident. i am there for his family always, treat them like kings and queens, buy them stuff and am exceptionally nice, my family treats SO like he is a king.
His actions exemplify for me lack of commitment, lack of selflessness (do it for me even if you don't like to go there), hung up on ex (why that many years after divorce he is still upset that ex makes his DDs do this or that, DDs are grown and make their own choices), still angry about ex's BF (TOM), and it all effects me.
I am embarassed to lie and go to thanksgiving alone, no one else is alone there but me. i mean of course i am with family, but I have been wiht SO for over 3 years. Long enough to have holidays together, don't you think?
I am considering ending a realtionship (not over thanksgiving incident but over what it is a symptom of). Tell me what you think?
i am so upset today. All he says: not a big deal. It is GF's aunt, not like it is your mother or a child. But that's where my whole family goes! It is my only aunt by the way and my two cousins are my only cosuins. we have no one else!
And then another thing. Since i have met met him he always says that his ex ruined every holiday party and gathering (she is crazy I witnessed it myself) so he is trying to avoid holiday gatherings because it gets ruined. But in my family it doesn't get ruined. So why can't he start new traditions and do not avoid things that reminds of his marriage disaster. Why do i have to suffer? i and my family are mistreated here. It is just wrong. I mean it is OK if he would go with his family or visit his kids, but he doesn't!
Tell me what are your thoughts. thank you
(hope i conveyed the message that what this incident means to me and that there is absolutelly nothing wrong with my aunt or anyone in my family-they are all classy and behave appropriatelly)