The car crisis

poppingraysNovember 24, 2009

Hi all, I know it's been a bit since I've posted, but with both SD's away at college, life has been pretty quiet! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you on the forum.

So my DS is 15 now, ready to turn 16 shortly, and it's time to buy him a car. I've been saving money for a long time and my parents decided to throw in some money so we can find him something decent.

DH and I saw his oldest DD over the weekend and I mentioned to her, very casually, that I was car shopping for my DS. She started spouting off about how she wants to sell her car, etc. I ignored the remark because I'm not interested in her car. It's older and it needs quite a bit of work. I'm also sure she's expecting to get out of it what she paid for it! So I said nothing.

DH asks me yesterday why I wasn't considering buying his oldest DD's car. I explained to him that it's not the car I want for my DS and why. He actually took offense to me saying that! He made the remark that I didn't want to buy it because it was "her" car! (well, frankly...)

I told DH he was being too sensitive about it and that the car was going to need too much work! Plus, I didn't want to chance buying the car from SD and have something major go wrong with it shortly afterward, you know, don't do business with family members! SD hasn't taken the greatest care of this car, BTW... Am I wrong for not even considering it???

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lovehadley

Nope! You are not wrong at all. You should buy a car that YOU feel comfortable buying---point out to DH that if something goes wrong with the car, who does he think DS is going to be going to for help? You guys!

I think the fact that you know SD did not take the best care of this car says it all. Stick to your guns on this one.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 12:41PM
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sweeby

You're absolutely right on this!

1 - You know that car hasn't been well-maintained,
2 - You would have bad feelings towards SD if the car broke down,
3 - You would resent paying more that you want for the car,
4 - SD would resent it if you paid what you feel is fair.
5 - Your DS would feel like the car is a 'hand-me-down' rather than a gift.

So where's the upside?

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 1:15PM
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catlettuce

Agreeing with Sweeby on every single point.

Somehow, someway it would just turn out badly.

~Cat

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 1:19PM
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kkny

I would never buy a car from a friend etc. Is there someway you can buy a car from a dealer with a warranty, even if for only one year? Then you can say to DH, you want warranty. If not, do the same that you'ld do for any other used car, pay a mechanic to check out.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 1:45PM
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poppingrays

Thank you all, I didn't think I was out of line, but sometimes DH just doesn't think clearly when it comes to his girls and tries to make me second guess my decisions through guilt...

I told DH that if SD wanted to sell her car, fine, but I wasn't going to buy it. Sweeby, all of your points hit it exactly on the nose! Person of great wisdom, you are!! KKNY, I can't afford the warranty but I can afford the mechanic, so I hope DH will see my reasoning...

I'm all for helping out our kids, but I have to draw the line on this one.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 3:31PM
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lamom

poppingrays,

Buying your SD's car isn't worth the risk relative to the car or the risk to the relationships if the deal somehow goes sour.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2009 at 1:19AM
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imagr8tma2

My advice would be to look at the situation as if you were pucharsing a car for yourself to drive from a dealership. If you knew the car was a piece of junk or a lemon - prone to have issues and needs a lot of work.... More than likely you would not buy it at all.

My advice do not buy your son a car that is crappy just because it is SD who wants to sell her car. It is a better idea to put your son in a car that is in good running condition, that will hopefully not need a lot of work done. SD is only looking out for herself - in seeing that she would have the opportunity to get some money out of the deal and the headache off of her shoulders in the car needing repairs.

You have no obligation to do that. Put your son in a car that is in the best shape possible. Whether DH or SD get upset about it or not - if you are purchasing a car - make the best deal for the best in shape car you can. Her feelings have no play in it. I am sure if the car breaks down - she will not be giving you, DH or your son the money to fix the car, she will not be having to transport him back and forth, and she will not have the stress that goes along with it.

It is always hard when relationships get involved.... meaning family or sometims friends. BUT bottom line do what is a good financial investment or purchase for your son and your family. If SD is really that serious about selling her car... she can run an ad and sell it. You are not obligated to buy it - just because she is your sd.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2009 at 11:39AM
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