My X is a PITA.....
And I know part of it is because I have been very lax in my boundaries with X, X's GF and even XMIL. I know this, and I am trying to do better, but is it too late?
I know the only people who suffer because I don't enforce boundaries with them are DS, DH and myself. It doesn't bother X or his family one single bit to intrude into MY home and MY life using DS as the excuse. I also know that there will be resistence from them as I go through the process of making the boundaries clearer.
X and I have had a strained relationship for about the past month. I'm not sure why but right about the time he FINALLY got a job, he started getting short and snippy with me, and has been acting out with DS.
He goes through these phases sometimes and it really frustrates the crap out of me. It seems to be when something financial happens. My current guess is that since he started a job and is no longer on unemployment, he's p*ssed because he will have to pay his FULL CS instead of the partial amount he was paying. But that's just a guess. GF has been acting weird, too, but then again she IS weird, so that's really nothing new.
For instance, according to the papers, X is supposed to take DS to school on Monday mornings. But since his work schedule makes that nearly impossible, we agreed he would have DS back home an hour BEFORE his bedtime so he can prepare for the week and wind down before going to bed. A couple weeks ago, he brought DS home 15 minutes AFTER his bedtime. No phone call, no apology...nothing. I called and got no answer or call back. When they get there they tell me they were at somebody's house having dinner. They expressed no concern for DS getting sleep and no acknowledgement that I called. Oh, and DS had benchmark testing the next day. Oh and he still had to take a shower.
Here's another thing that happened: X called DS the next Monday after the above visitation. DS was with his friend at a softball game. When DS gets home, he tells me that X told him he was going to give him money for the A's he got on his report card and for helping him out with some stuff that weekend. DS was so excited and I was happy for him. X has never done anything like that. Of course, X would never let the money come to my house or let anything be bought that would come to my house, but I was still happy for DS. After DS took his shower, he came and told me that X was joking when he said he would give him the money. When I told him that didn't make any sense, he fessed up that X told him not to tell me or GF. HUH? DH piped up and told DS that we don't care how much money X gives him and that is between him and X. So DS was worried X would be mad that I knew which is why he decided to lie to me. So after DS went to bed, I texted X that DS had already told me about the money before X told him not to tell and asked why I couldn't know. No answer. So the next day I texted him the entire deal and told him DS shouldn't feel like he has to lie to either one of us. Guess what he said back to me? He said that he didn't want me to know because he didn't want it to be turned into a big deal like it was and he was sorry DS lied to me. I texted back that it wasn't a big deal until HE made it a big deal by telling DS not tell me. I looked at DS's texts and the one from X said "the money im giving you is our secret." Creepy, huh?
Oh yeah and he told DS that when he moves in with him, he can just use MY address so he can still go to high school with his friends. I told DS no way. He can't live between both houses. If he mogves in with X, he has to live with the consequences of that choice, including not getting to see his friends.
There's WAY more that happened this past weekend (X being IN my house helping DS with chores when I got home on Friday and telling him to hurry up the entire time when I specifically told him not to come until later so DS could finish; and much more), but what happened this morning feels like the icing on the cake.
XMIL is one of my Facebook friends, but X and GF ARE NOT (we tried that before with Myspace and every time he got mad at me he would delete me as his friend, so I'm not going there anymore). I wanted to keep XMIL because she doesn't get to see DS very often. She has caused problems between X, GF and I in the past so I do keep her at arm's length.
So this morning, I get Facebook messages that say that XMIL was tagged in my photo. I go and check and she has tagged herself in a photo of DS. No problem. BUT then she tagged X and GF, as well, which allows them to leave comments. So they leave stupid comments...no big deal. But I am really bothered by this. It seems like, to me, they have figured out a way to circumvent the boundary I established by not friending them on Facebook.
What do you all think? Am I being ridiculous to be upset about this, even with the other stuff that's been happening lately? Should I block X, GF, and XMIL from my Facebook page? Should I remove the comments or would that seem petty? Any (constructive) suggestions are welcome. Please...no attacks. I just can't deal with that today.