Christmas Lists 2008
On Thanksgiving, DH got the paper to look at all the 'Black Friday' ads. SD had given me her 'list' a few days earlier and I didn't know what half the stuff was. Her 'list' was on a full binder page... completely filled on front & back. Just a few things she wants... ipod, Nintendo DS, xbox360 & games, and like I said, every line filled on front & back. So, as I was looking at the ads & realizing what some of the things are and what they cost, I was pretty shocked. There's no way we'll be able to afford a fraction of what she wants this year. In the past, DH has let her make a list and she's gotten everything on her list. Usually, it's a short list & even then, I objected to him buying 'everything' on the list because, in my opinion, it takes away any surprise factor since she knows what she asked for and she gets it.... and it leads to her expectation that she'll get everything on her list... that feeling of entitlement.
Last year, DH didn't get her everything on her list because she also asked for many big ticket items and she already had a lot of what she asked for, she just wanted 'new' ones. (some of the things on this years list are things she has at her mom's house already) It was disappointing for me to see her get three times the gifts my kids got and toss them aside with disappointment because they weren't the big ticket items she wanted. In the end, she was upset and my kids were annoyed with her attitude. It wasn't about what she got vs. what my kids got, my kids were satisfied with what they got. Everyone was irritated with her attitude, including her dad. We tried to make it a good Christmas for her but it ended up with her being upset and crying in her room.
This year, I am already dreading it. She isn't with us on Christmas this year but we get her the day after. With the list she made this year, I'm dreading re-living last year's disappointment under the tree. With the economy what it is, our families are not exchanging gifts. DH and I are not putting anything on credit, so it's gonna be a 'humble' Christmas. My kids, growing up with me being a single mom, have had 'humbling' Christmas's in the past, so they understand. We'd spend our time baking, decorating & going to holiday festivals & charitable stuff. SD likes doing all that stuff too, but she also expects her list to be fulfilled. DH says she'll be with her mom, so he isn't going to worry about it. He is in agreement that her list is ridiculous and he's not going to buy her most of what's on it.
I just want a peaceful holiday and this is already putting a damper on it for me. It's my favorite time of year and I am nostalgic, not into the 'commercialization' of it all. I'd love to see her face light up and see her enjoy the holidays but instead, it feels like no matter what we do, she isn't going to be happy... she's going to compare us to her mom's house and stomp off to her room in tears like last year. We are not 'competing' with her mom, last year her mom bought her a new quad & riding gear. (I heard those things were being repossessed) Our attitude has been that if her mom is getting her lots of big ticket items, we don't need to buy the same things for her here. But, then we get the attitude from her. UGH!
and last night, we went to take our holiday pictures that I send out with our Christmas cards. As I'm ordering my package, she asks for me to order a sheet for her mom. DH told her no because her mom doesn't want a picture of our family. SD got upset that we only took pictures of the family this year, none of just her to give to her mom. Last year, we did take one of just her and gave her mom one. This year, we scaled down to just what we need for our Christmas cards and aren't buying any extra poses. That's another issue that drives me crazy, her wanting us to buy things for her mom all the time. For three years, every time we go into a store (for anything, like cat food even) she asks me to buy something for her mom. We'll tell her 'no, we're here for cat food' and DH has told her several times to stop doing that, but she still does it. She pouts, cries, or gives up tons of attitude when she's told no. Last year, she was given $50.00 to buy gifts for family at her school 'santa workshop' and DH made her make a list, with dollar amounts. She ended up coming home with an expensive item for her mom and a bunch of little crappy items for everyone else. (She got her grandma a string necklace with a bell on it for a dollar) I was a bit peeved at that since she didn't even have mom on her list. So, that would be the other problem I'm dreading this year. The school has the 'workshop' in a week or so and I told DH that I am not giving her any money for it. I gave her the money for it last year and he objected to me giving her that much money, but I justified it by telling him I didn't want her to have to buy a bunch of crappy items, I wanted her to be able to get a few nice things. He isn't giving her money so if I don't, she doesn't get to shop. I'd prefer taking her to the store myself this year (or have DH take her but he hates to shop) but, again I dread the 'can I buy my mom this?' because she wants to get mom all kinds of stuff. We say no, she throws a fit. Makes for a fun outing!!! ~sarcasm intended~ Like I said, I'm dreading it. (I hate to feel this way when I used to thoroughly enjoy the holidays)