Need help navigating events with BM
I haven't been at an event w/BM since the whole restraining order.
I really don't want to.
But we are having issues w/events that SS has going on and whether I should be present.
There are a number of issues going on here.
1.) DH thinks I should go, but he respects the fact that I don't want to.
2.) He thinks that DD should still go with him, regardless of whether I am there.
3.) DD wants to go to things.
4.) I know there are things SS would appreciate seeing me attend.
THIS is where my frustration lies and maybe I am overreacting? Quite frankly--I don't want my child anywhere near BM. This is partly because DD knows everything that went on. She knows BM is not allowed to come to our home or to contact me. She was very frightened that night and I promised her I would ALWAYS keep her safe.
But the thing is now---DD is past everything. She wanted to go to SS's soccer game last weekend and I wouldn't let her and she was really upset! :( It made me sad. She told me "but mommy, I won't talk to her, I will stay with Daddy, I will be safe!" :(
The problem is that BM does not stay away from DH. And DH does NOT put his foot down with her. Sure as anything, at the soccer game last weekend, DH said BM, her mom, and her dad all stood around and talked to him at the game.
I personally think DH is WAY TOO NICE to BM after all that's gone on---BUT I have washed my hands of that. It is a never-ending argument with him---he thinks he's not "friendly" with her, I think he is, and there is just no point in arguing with him. I cannot change how HE relates to her, all I can do is set my OWN boundaries.
So--now SS has about 5 more soccer games and I know they are going to be issues.
And last night at dinner, he said he wants us all to come to his Holiday program at school. I *might* suck it up for that, provided we (DH, me, DD) sit by ourselves, and I think I will take my own car and leave after the show, so I don't get trapped talking to these people.
I am NOT angry or holding a grudge. That isn't the issue. I just do NOT want anything to do with this woman. I forgive her in the sense that I'm not harboring anger, but that doesn't mean I will be around her. Why would I want to put myself or my child in that position?
And really, it's not just the punching thing--when she made those false child abuse allegations against me, and MY child had to speak with a social services worker, and I (once again) had to have a talk with my child about things I wish she didn't have to know about....THAT is unacceptable to me. In many ways, having the police show up that day and scare DD and upset me was WORSE than the drunk night.
So--I just don't know what to do?
Am I over-reacting in keeping my DD away from BM?
How do I let SS know I wish I could be at more things without bashing his mom?
I am just so frustrated w/the whole thing.