So I am thinking of banging my head into a brick wall......

mom2emallNovember 30, 2009

My hubby is doing it again! He is giving into ss when he whines and cries and he is getting crabby because ss is whining and crying! We went away with some friends for the weekend and ss was a huge cry baby! He is almost 8 years old and still cries all the time around daddy when he does not get his way.

Lets start with yesterday morning. We were getting ready to go meet up with a few of my girlfriends and their hubbys and kids. SS was playing his game boy and I told him to put it down and go get ready (he still had to put on socks, brush his teeth, put on shoes, etc.) Over the next 5 minutes I reminded him two more times. After that I just went up to him and took the game boy from his hands and turned it off. I told him that since the game was so distracting he was grounded from video games the rest of the day. He pouted and went off to get ready. DH was nearby and overheard that ss was grounded from video games and had no complaints.

So later we were out to lunch with my friends and it was a fun restaurant with game machines, air hockey, pool tables, etc. So the kids were all up and doing stuff with the other kids in our group.

Anyways my son ordered soup and the waitress put it down at the table and my son sat down to eat it where the waitress set it while all the other kids were up. SS came over to hubby crying that my son was in his chair. Mind you nobody had specific chairs really....they all set their coats down and went to play as soon as we got there. My ss had no food at the table yet.

Dh tried to ignore it. SS then came to me a few min later with the same complaint and I asked him if he had food to eat....he said no...I asked him where his friends were...he said playing. So I told him to go play with his friends. A few minutes later he came back to dh crying. DH said to go sit somewhere else. SS sat down next to my son and began yelling at him for "stealing his chair" and crying. Mind you ss still had no food at this time...instead of playing games with his friends he chose to sit down next to my son and cry about a chair.

Instead of ignoring it or coming down on ss guess what hubby did???

He attempted to hand him his IPhone so ss could play games on it. SS is currently grounded from video games.... We said at the restaurant he could play the games they had there, but thats it (no game boy or video games when we get home). So I reminded dh that ss is grounded from playing games on his phone and DH got pissy with me and was like "I just want us to be able to enjoy ourselves so if letting him play my phone does that then so be it!" I looked at him and told him he was creating a cry baby by giving into it and I walked away. He then took the phone back from ss and he sat at lunch looking grumpy. I just ignored him and he was fine soon.

How the heck can a 7 year old ruin our night just by crying?? I am getting so frustrated with my dh and this crap. He did so good for so long not giving into ss's crying fits. And he is the only one ss tries that with! He listens just fine to me when dh is not around.

I tried to talk to hubby about it later at home and he got defensive! Started telling me it was not a big deal and that I don't have the final say in everything!!

Dh decided that a whole day of no video games was just too much!?!

So I am thinking of banging my head into a brick wall and seeing if that makes a difference! LOL

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WHile I understand the frustration of you pitted against the DH, I think you made it worse with this "I looked at him and told him he was creating a cry baby by giving into it and I walked away".

I'm really hoping SS did not hear/see that and as at a table setting I'm not sure how it could have been very private between you and DH. I'm guessing the other adult friends witnessed this also. I doubt DH or child are non too happy with the incident. You called them both out for all to see.

I'm not saying I think you're wrong to want backup and consistent 'rules', punishment ect, but I'm thinking making an issue over the iphone and vid games on it in a setting were games were part of the reason there was your wrong step. Ignoring kid's fit, fine. Quietly pointing out to kid his behavior was silly and all the others were having fun, fine. But putting DH in spotlight and calling kid crybaby in front of all, not so fine.

If I read this wrong, please forgive me, I know it's hard to tell a whole story in these small spaces, I'm just going on what and how you actually told us here. I think there are two problems now. 1. Dh is not consistent with SS and sending kid double messages which are 'no', and also 'oh, okay, if you whine about it'...and 2. you put them both in bad light in front of others and DH came out defending son.

No win situation. It may have been better to ignore SS fit, and once DH did not by giving kid iphone, it would likely have been better to deal with DH at home in private away from friends and SS.

Like being between a rock and a hard spot. There was really nothing you could do, but you ended up letting SS play Dh against you. Yet another reason it likely should have been dealt with later, kid just learned he can win with dad against you by even more crying and whining. Good for him, bad for you.

I think it's good long talk time with DH. He's not helping SS and you're ending up being the bad guy.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2009 at 11:15AM
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My dd and sometimes sd are very whiny crying when they dont get there way. Part of dd's problem is that honestly I dont think she has figured out how to control her emotions yet. My DH gets SUPER frustrated with dd's crying and he feels like she is trying to manipualte the situation by doing this. However, unlike your DH I never give in to the whiny crying nonsense. This is why I think for her it's more of an issue of learning to control her emotions because after all of these years you would think if it is a manipulation ploy she would have figured out it doesnt work. What has worked fairly well was instead of fighting against it and creating even more whining and crying... I wont talk to her at all until she gets control of herself. I usually tell her I cant talk to you or understand you until you stop that... so go to the bathroom wash your face and talk to me when you are calm. And then I walk away.

Unfortunately, DH still reacts pretty heavily when she starts in and it just creates a circle of chaos. He is trying though... he has gotten calmer and tried to let her calm down so she can talk to him without him taking offense.
Anyways, my point is that perhaps there could be more than one reason for the whiny crying. Although your DH has a track record of giving in so... But, maybe the calm down go wash your face will work a little better than fighting against it.

I personally would have pointed out to DH that yes I dont have final say... but WE have final say. So we need to go ahead and figure out what that is right now...because I refuse to get into another battle over this issue. I probably would have pointed out too that whiny crying 8 year olds quickly become back talking obnoxious teens.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2009 at 2:47PM
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