BM is so dang immature...... Geez!

imagr8tma2November 23, 2009

After the last two pick weekend exchange fiasco's with BM - she is at it again. DH's sister picked up SD this weekend for visitation at the court ordered location... so she could attend a birthday party. WELL, BM sent SD with no coat (it was 44 degrees here in VA), no socks or pj's, clothing that was too small (size 5 - 6 and she wears a 7/8) and no asthma inhaler.

I am just glad we were already prepared. I had gone out and purchased SD clothing, shoes, a coat and other things (on Veteran's Day) as I figured she would pull this for Thanksgiving since it would be the first one DH would get with SD in almost 7 years. AND she (BM) was highly upset in court the judge gave him Thanksgiving every other year - and Christday every other year.

So SD was not without this weekend... BUT the kicker was when DH took SD back to the court ordered location for drop-off and SD told BM that imagr8tma2 had bought her some clothes, shoes and a pretty coat. BM then looked at DH and said I had some nerve buying her daughter clothing without consulting her first. LOL! Please - you are her should send what she needs. I refuse to allow my SD to be neglected and she will have everything she needs when she comes to my home. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't care. Please!

At any rate, DH is calling Lawyer this AM to have him draft a letter requesting all medications prescribed to SD come for each and every visit, and if she (BM) decides to still sending clothing that they fit, are in good condition and are appropriate to the weather.

Just sad...... AT any rate.. Just needed to vent and get it off my chest. I am almost scared to see what happens next week for Thanksgiving. But no matter what - we are already prepared (hopefully)!

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You did the right thing by purchasing clothes for the little girl. I love that she told her Mommy all about it too! My question is: Did the clothes go with your SD to BMs or stay with you?

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 9:18AM
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Consult, uh? Forget it, have nice season ready clothes at your house and who cares what BM thinks about it. Just let BM's hissy over clothes go unnoticed and dismissed. Don't fight over the clothes, you knew that was coming as stated with your preparing for the event of Thanksgiving. Just pick SD up a few more things to keep in her drawers at your house (pjs, socks, underwear, sweatsuit blah blah and some decent normal wear...some great sales going on this week and coming weekend)

My concern would be the inhaler and any meds. What the heck was BM thinking? It's one thing to annoy you with little stuff like clothing, fit of clothing, ect, but inhaler and any meds are not optional and she put SD's health at risk. That's the issue I'd push. It's a long drive to start, where was BM's concern that SD might need that inhaler during the ride?

In BM's games she's crossed the line with failure to see to the Sd's medical needs. Even if SD rarely uses/needs it, there's always the chance. Stupid games like this endangers the girl, she needs to ask herself if in trying to make things tough for DH she has lost all sight in what is best and necessary for the child.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 9:35AM
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Great advice and comments ladies. We kept the clothing here with us, of course. I am going to look for a couple dresses and the like to add to the wardrobe here. We had already purchased 4 pair of jeans, sweat shirt and several other shirts, undies, socks and pj's. I enjoyed shopping for a little girl again. It was fun.

I can't understand about the meds either... It is just plain out neglect. I agree she can not be that mad with DH that she neglects to send the meds... Just sad.

The lawyer is going to send the letter in reference to the meds etc. Maybe that will help her to wake up and just send the necessary things. DH just does not want to go back to court again. Just grow up already BM. Geez!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 10:04AM
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I'm with JustMeToo -- It's great that you just bought the clothes. (That's the only solution I've ever seen work when one of the parents is wacko.) But the medication issue is serious and deserves legal notice. An email documenting the failure to send a coat and proper meds needs to be sent, along with a crystal-clear request that ALL medications and instructions be sent for every visit.

All the same, I'd contact SD's doctor's office and request a copy of her medications and instructions so you can have a duplicate set at your house. (But don't let BM know or she'll have an excuse -- along with another hissy fit.)

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 10:07AM
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You were right to purchase clothes for your SD. She should have a wardrobe at your house, anyway, even if it's just a minimal one---it depends on how often she is with you.

My SS is with us 50% of the time, so he has a full wardrobe of clothes. BUT we are careful to not send him to BM's in *our* clothes. It makes me feel bad at times--last week, for example, he really wanted to wear a shirt that I had bought back to BM's. We had to tell him no---the reason is we have just lost TOO many nice items. BM sends him to our house in sweatsuits/sweatshirts consistently. Now IMO there is nothing wrong with a couple sweat-outfits, but what's annoying is when we send him to her house in nice jeans or khakis and he comes home in loungewear!

Buy clothes for your SD that she wears when she's with you. Then you know, at least on your end, she will always have appropriate clothes for the occasion or weather.

As far as the medicine goes, this is a more serious issue! Sweeby is right about contacting SD's pediatrician and requesting a duplicate set of meds/inhaler/nebulizer, etc. for your home.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 10:29AM
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We have had the same problem. We bought clothes that stay at our house because BM send them in shorts in 40 degree temps. I really think its more the kids wanting to wear them but she is the parent and wont tell them NO!

My SS10 also has asthma with bad allergies and we have all the meds at our house that BM has at hers. Not that she didn't send them just we are trying to make it where they only have to bring games, books, ect.

My DH took SS10 hunting this wkend and SS end up needing his inhaler even tho he hardley ever has to use it. He did get a very nice buck, so maybe it was all the excitement. They were both so thrilled. We all are proud. He is ready to go brag to his cousins and Grandparents at thanksgiving dinner.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 11:30AM
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good advice from everyone, & I'm so glad you bought clothes for the little one;
it made her know how special she is.

Maybe dad can "buy" things for her (tell her you have a list & let her make guided choices), to keep her mom from erupting all over her?

"I enjoyed shopping for a little girl again. It was fun."

Enjoy that little girl, enjoy these years.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 1:47PM
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LOL - sounds so familiar!
BM sends my SS in clothes that are too small and/or falling apart and/or not weather appropriate.
So while he is with us, he wears clothes we bought, that fit, are in good condition and are suitable for the weather.

I feel like a jerk for making him change back into the clothes BM sent him in when he leaves. It seems so petty and silly, but we lost at least 5 pairs of pants/jeans to her place last winter and are sick of it. It's too expensive to be buying new clothes every weekend!

Last winter (keep in mind that we live in Saskatchewan where it can be -40 degrees, with wind chill on top of that) she sent him over and over and over in torn old ripped jeans. I couldn't send him to school with his little legs exposed in -40! So I started patching the torn jeans she'd sent him in.
SS didn't mind the patches, but after about the 4th time, BM called DH and b17ched, "I don't want Ceph to patch his jeans anymore. He looks like a homeless kid. What will people think?"
DH's reply was "Well, quit sending him in torn pants and it won't be an issue anymore. But when you send him in torn jeans in the winter, Ceph is going to keep patching them so his legs don't freeze. People think more kindly of parents who patch their kid's pants than of parents who send their kids out in -40 with exposed skin."

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 4:01PM
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"He looks like a homeless kid. What will people think?"

And Clueless!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 5:50PM
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I think it is great that you went out and got what sd needed and dh let bm know that! I wonder if bm realizes that it makes her look bad when sd is dressed that way?

With the meds I would definately call the dr and get duplicate copies of meds/instructions. I would even go as far as to call her pharmacy to refill all the meds and you go pick them up and bring them to your home.

I know we use Walgreens and and they are all over the place. When my ds was with his dad out of town and needed an inhaler refill the Walgreens there did it. I also had it on autopay so he did not have to pay for the prescription. My son brought it home with him anyways and it was only $5 so I did not mind.

But wouldn't that be funny if the meds were on autopay and you could just go get them at bm's expense! LOL She would really have a hissy then!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2009 at 5:59PM
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She's just trying to throw her weight around....needs to show some control because it things have been taken OUT of her control....It amazes me how parents can act sometimes!!
You know once I did a pick up when SD was little from SD having a visit with her BM (SD has lived w/us full time for many years) any how, I wanted SD to feel as comfortable as possible, so I put everything aside and was polite. It was very quick I just said Hi, Bye and thanks we'll see ya later...........
would you believe that I had a nasty email in my inbox when I got home telling me NOT TO EVER THANK THEM AGAIN!!!
amazing lol.....I didn't even bother writing back, it wasn't worth my effort!!!

anyhow- meds are a different thing, you should def get a back up inhaler for her, and you did right by buying her suitable clothes.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2009 at 4:22PM
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Wow - We got a surprise when we called the doctor to have a prescription sent to get the back up inhaler.... (SD lives in NC and we live in VA). We were going to have it sent to CVS and use our insurance to pay.... BUT!!!!

Doctor tells us - SD was being weaned off of the daily asthma inhaler. That it was prescribed at BM's request as precaution for what she said were daily asthma attacks and wheezing each morning..... (which we have never seen or experienced when she is with us at any time) At any rate as of November SD is to no longer be using the Asthmanex and will be re-assessed in a year. Doc says he was asking SD if she had ever had wheezing or tightness in the chest - and she stated no. Mommi just gives her the meds every morning and night - and told her it makes sure she sleeps well and wakes up good. ?!?!?! What the hell ?!?!?!?!?

Of course DH did not tell BM this when he called her back after speaking to the doctor. He simply asked BM about making sure all medications SD has been prescribed come for the Thanksgiving visit. (she has a couple allergy things she takes - allegra and nasonex for kids.... BM swears every sniffle or itch is due to a severe allergy that could kill SD if she does not take meds to prevent.)

BM's response is that she just took SD to the doctor and she could not get the asthma medication because it was to expensive and she has to wait until the doctor changes the type so she can afford it. But that will not happen until the Monday after Thanksgiving. (Which i think is a lie just so DH will not say anything as to why the medication will not come again this weekend visit)................

I am upset as I don't feel SD should have been put on this med unless she had a documented asthma attack with the doctor or emergency room. My daughter (14) has asthma and uses albuterol or the rescue inhaler - as it only usually bothers her in the winter time. I would not want any child inhaling medication into their lungs on a daily basis that is not necessary... these meds all have side affects.

BUT the lie about the situation is what is most disturbing. BM is still trying to medicate SD when it is not necessary.... I think she does it for attention.

DH has a call into SD's doctor again to see if there are tests for children that can diagnose asthma - at the age of 6. So we can make sure if the meds are actually needed or not. Before going forward with confronting BM on over medicating SD again.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2009 at 10:07AM
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