Annoyed about Thanksgiving

incognitomomNovember 23, 2010

So over the years we have developed a holiday schedule. My sis in law has a holiday at her house, my inlaws have one at theirs, and we always have Thanksgiving here. On Thanksgiving my family is always here too. So my brother in law and his family were supposed to go to California over Thankgsgiving with friends, so we never talked to them about Thanksgiving plans.

Then the other day my sister in law calls me to ask what the plans are. So I tell her and then ask what happened to California and she says plans got cancelled, bla bla bla. Then she tells me that it was a good thing because my brother in law is now going in for his vasectomy (went in Monday). She says she is not sure how he will be feeling and was thinking of doing Thanksgiving at her house.

I tell her that we already have my family coming here so we can't go anywhere else. I tell her they are welcome to come or we understand if my brother in law isn't up to it and they stay home. I thought it was done.

So my brother in law calls my husband last night to tell him they are doing Thanksgiving there. My husband tells him that we can't change our plans because my family all plans on coming here. Brother in law says he thought his wife talked to me already and we straightenend it out! DH says we did talk and we are not able to go there, but they are welcome to come here.

I am just annoyed. Their plans changed, but why should ours? And now my in-laws will be forced to choose homes or split the holiday. And Thanksgiving is always at our house. My brother in law and his wife get a set holiday at their house every year. GRRRR

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That's annoying. I'd be annoyed.

My grandfather in law was out to dinner with us a month ago and we asked him if he had a plan for thanksgiving. He said yes, he's going to aunt/uncle in laws house.

We had not been invited. I laughed with DH because we don't really care... but... he has a very small family. I felt bad for him, even though we would have been happier not going anywhere for the holiday.

So last week we got an invite by email, and of course I graciously accepted and asked if I could make something. They said make what I like to make, so I suggested a dish. They then asked if DH would make his special, time consuming, expensive dish. But asked him to prepare it ahead of time (it's something that takes a lot of room, a lot of dishes, a lot of time and only tastes good if eaten right after being cooked). And no, it's not a traditional thanksgiving dish.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 11:47AM
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We are going to Vegas this Thanksgiving, we just cannot deal with more the same every year. SKs cancel plans or don't commit to plans or say one thing then do the other, at the end SO is all depressed and angry. My aunt wants all of us to go to her house, SO is too depressed over his kids, we have arguments, then my brother and SIl show up an hour late, my aunt's house is all full of little unrully kids etc My dad is ina bad mood because he does nto like my uncle etc etc We figure we will go away and everybody else can do what they want. I just got an email that we go upgraded to first class. So three days no job, no relatives, and first class seats, and no turkey. LOL

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 1:44PM
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LOL! I'm not the only one who has relatives (step and bio) and in-laws who cancel/change/postpone at the last minute, I see. Why do some people do that, and then expect everyone else to accommodate them?

We are going away as well; DH, SS and I and my brothers are all going to the mountains. The place we are staying in looks lovely and big, with plenty of room for us all to spread out so we can be alone if we so desire. I'm looking forward to it so much because everyone there is the "make the best of it" type so unless something goes horrifically badly it should be a nice time, with no one sulking in the corner because the mashed potatoes were made with 1/2% fat milk instead of 1%, or because I got white shelled eggs rather than the brown shelled ones.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 1:59PM
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DH invited his parents & now I get to suck it up & hope MIL doesn't do a repeat of the Fourth of July... and she's had SD with her all week, I think she's annoyed at me that she's having to do the tutorials on her computer because I won't do them with SD on my computer. If she's irritated, she'll be irritated with me when she should be irritated with SD for getting all F's & needing to do tutorials, right? Ah, but that can't ruin my holiday because I'm so very thankful my son is back from Afghanistan!!! (Though he won't be able to make it because he has duty on base)

I always host dinner at my dad's house. I cook & bake, invite all the family plus friends or anyone that has nowhere to go & we really never know who will be there. Usually I don't let any drama into my holidays at all. Of course, last year SD was with her mom & MIL is easier to get along with when SD is not there.

It's funny to be in the party rental business & see how different people are... some are so uptight about every last detail being "perfect". How can you relax & enjoy a holiday that is, in my opinion, meant to be thankful for what you have in your life if you have a fit over the shade of burgundy napkins not matching the chair cover sash or a meltdown because the husband got Ivory instead of White this year & it will be different than last year? I am just happy to have the day off from work & spend it with anyone that wishes to spend it with us. I'd love for my son to be here, but he could just as easily chosen to spend it at his father's house a few hours away. I was sad that he's going to be alone on base but then he tells me he isn't going to be there alone... so I am a little proud that at least he has a similar attitude about enjoying the company of whoever is around. I'm sure that all the guys that can't go home for the holiday will have a good time together.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 2:32PM
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I'm cooking here for somewhere between 15 and 30 (wouldn't it be great if they'd RSVP?) of Hubby's relatives. At least we all (almost) get along...

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 2:57PM
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Ima, that's such great news that your son is back! You've really got something to be very thankful for this year. Tell him "Thank you" from my family, please, if you think of it.

We're all going to attempt to video-conference this year so we can at least "see" each other for Thanksgiving. It will either be great fun or annoy me greatly on Thanksgiving while I struggle with my computer. :-)

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 3:23PM
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Amen Mattie. Ima, please tell him "thank you" from my family too please.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 3:32PM
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On Wednesday, everyone that rented tables & chairs for their holiday gathering were picking them up. Every time a customer asked to get a few less or more chairs because someone changed their plans at the last minute, I thought about this thread. I could see the annoyance & frustration in many of the people that had to reduce the number of chairs because someone decided to stay home or go somewhere else. In this economy, it would also be irritating to buy food for a larger group & then have last minute cancellations.

We scheduled a sit down dinner at 2pm. Turkey was done & table was set & my sister hadn't arrived with my mom, so my DD called my sister & mom to find out how far away they were since they were driving 2.5 hours to get there. My sister tells her they got a late start & were just leaving... they'll be there in two hours. We sat down & ate with the rest of the guests. Nearly three hours later, they got there & my sister was surprised we ate without them & not happy their were no more dinner rolls. It kinda made me laugh a little... and it worked out ok since my brother and nephews stopped by late in the day & were able to visit my mom. They spent Thanksgiving with their other families but stopped by around dessert time.

BTW, it wasn't so bad with MIL there... I completely kept myself busy with dinner & my family to engage with her. She went straight over to SD, who was on the computer doing the tutorials for school She nagged her about how she was doing them & then when we sat to eat, I sat at one end of the table feeding the baby & they sat at the other end. A couple of times, I heard her nagging SD about what was on her plate, etc. (usually we do a buffet & I serve SD's plate & MIL has made comments on why don't I let SD have this or why can she only have a little? so this year, food was on the table & they served themselves... and SD next to MIL, I had nothing to do with what she got or how much but MIL still had to nag... ugh!) Then later, MIL told SD to stop doing her tutorials & come sit in the livingroom because there's no way to concentrate on her work. Then she informed me that I need to let SD use my computer at work to finish her tutorials, which did irritate me a little. She told me that SD's only had three days (at MIL's house) to get them done & that's not enough time. I retorted that "no, she had nine weeks to get her work done at school & she didn't get it done when she was supposed to." MIL was visibly annoyed by me telling her that but she couldn't say anything because it's true. So she tells me that SD has learned her lesson & is going to do well this semester. I said nothing. I could have told her that so far, SD has only turned in 50% of her work & lied to me last Thursday about turning the rest of it in. But, what's the point?? I wanted an enjoyable day & MIL seemed like she was getting worked up & if SD fails in school, it won't be because of me. I just wanted a relaxing day & it was enjoyable for the most part. MIL left quite early, probably because I wouldn't engage with her, but it could have really been FIL's sinuses.

    Bookmark   November 27, 2010 at 1:59AM
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