Hello Biomom...Goodbye Serenity
Well she's back I guess. At least for a little while. She showed up to get them for Halloween and showed up to take them to a overnight birthday party this weekend. The drama is already starting. I know this is a sensitive subject to some on this site but listen to the entire story before you jump to any PRO-Biomom decisions.
Everyone here knows one of the girls (R) calls me mom. She always has. In the beginning we tried correcting her which just severly upset her so in the end we told her the decision was hers to make. Fast forward 10 months later and mom decides to play mom again and has decided she doesn't like the child calling me mom. Keep in mind it's obvious we do not FORCE her to call me mom because the other twin (N) has chosen to call me by my first name.
Anyway when I showed up at the birthday party to drop off something one of the girls forgot R started in with the Mama's. Amanda immediatly corrected her in front of the entire party. R still continued calling me mama. AManda more forcefully corrected R in front of the entire group visibly causing R to be embarrassed and upset. All the children and adults were watching the entire scene.
At this point N who hardly NEVER calls me mama starts calling me mama!N saw that R was getting upset and she jumped to her sisters defense by jumping on the bandwagon! So now both girls are calling me mama and to top things off R announces to the entire party that her mama is having a baby and she's going to be a big sissy and the baby's name is Layla. The entire time the poor kid is rubbing my belly and smiling because she is so proud she's going to have a baby sissy. Her mother at this point jumped up and stormed off to the porch to smoke untill I had left which I tried to do as quickly as possible.
I told J who got rather irritated at Amanda for making such a huge scene and shaming R in front of a group. He was also intrigued by N's reaction because again, she hardly NEVER calls me mama. So the next day when Amanda drops them back off at our house it's the same thing. R starts in with the mama, mama, mama. Amanda keeps snapping at her and correcting her and low and behold N say's "Mama" Amanda turns around and says "What N?" N replies with "Not you! I was talking to Doodle. Mama, do you see my balloon?" At that point Amanda lays into N telling her that calling me mama isn't nice and it hurts her feelings. She starts telling them both she wants them to stop. She laid into them for ten minutes. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there.
Of course not two seconds later they are both calling me mama again. J was at the store and he walked in right as Amanda was leaving. R was hiding under the coffee table in tears and N was on the floor sitting against the wall looking dazed and upset. He asked me what happened because he could tell immediatly the girls were upset and after Amanda left I told him. J was livid. We have told both girls this is their choice to make and now that Amanda decides to waltz back in she expects everyone to change how we have interacted with each other for the past year to spare HER feelings. Funny considering she wasn't concerned about THEIR feelings when she hauled off and left.
J called her after the girls went to bed and told her to get over herself. he told her it is important to R to have controll on this. He reminded her that we did try to correct it but it was upsetting to her. She is PROUD that she has two mama's and she shouldn't be shamed. He also told her with a new baby on the way we don't want to start the family politics now. We don't want the girls feeling there is some sort of pecking order in this family. If they have to love their blood mother more than me than does that mean I will love Layla more than them since she is my blood child? Not questions we want to raise.
In the end Amanda said "Well I guess I'll just leave ya'll with it then. You can be daddy and she can be Mama and you can all be one big happy family." J told her that's not what we want but with her it's goota be all or nothing. She can't understand the emotional aspect of this for R. All she is seeing is her own feelings.