Wow...what a stressful weekend. Kindof long ladies.
We had a looong one at our house the weekend. Firsit off mom is back in town. She called friday around 3 wanting to know if her and her ex (Nat) could pick the girls up for trick-or-treating. Apparently, I was right and the guy she was seeing in Alabama was beating her on a regular basis. She finally got ruffed up good enough that she left. She said when she saw the girls she was going to tell them she was in a car wreck...it was THAT bad. So great, the girls get to see mom for the first time in a month and a half and she looks like she was worked over by Mahammad Ali, fabulous.
When I got home I told J she had called. His first thought was he wasn't going to lie to them. If they ask he was going to tell them mommy had a bad friend who hit her and she isn't friends with him anymore. He told her she shouldn't lie to them either. The girls are very aware that we didn't like the new boyfriend because we would never allow him around them. We knew he was an abusive control freak woman beater who was on drugs even though she tried hard to lie and cover it up. The girls also knew he was a "bad man".
We were also worried about them being around her with Nat. Even though there was that domestic incident (he's the one who wound up choking her) with him the girls still very much so love him and miss him horribly. They are always asking about him. Amanda has no plans to get back with him but at the moment has no where else to stay. We are worried the girls will think that mommy and Nat are back together and when he's out of the picture again it's going to be real upsetting to them. They only remember her with Nat so that's the big seperation for them. It would be like a kid getting excited thinking their parents are reuniting just to have it fall apart again. It's going to be devestating for them.
In the end we wound up letting them take them for a few hours. The girls were really excited to see Nat and everyone had fun. We were alarmed by Amanda's appearance, she had two black eyes and bad scraps on her forehead and tops of her hands. She looked thin and grey. Her hair and skin had a "sickly" palor. Nat spilled the beans and told us when they dropped the girls back off that she had stayed strung out the entire time she was in Alabama. The only reason she tolerated the abuse was the fact the BF was supplying her with coke and meth. So she stuck around for the drugs. Nice.
We had a long discussion ionce the girls were down for bed on how to handle this. We don't even know how long she'll stay in town. She could be gone to orlando next week. We didn't really come to any conclusions.
We went to bed and wound up fooling around...had sex and I started to bleed....really bad. REALLY bad. I was passing clots. I thought I was miscarrying. It was now five in the morning (we had stayed up really late talking) so I called Nat's house and Amanda had to come stay at the apartment while J and I went up to the emergency room. I was freaking out. They sent me up to labor and delivery and put me on a moitor. I was there for two hours beofre they were convinved the baby and I were fine. I had a busted vessel that had bled pretty heavily. It was the single most terrifying experience I had ever been through.
We came back to the apartment and Amanda seemed genuily glad the baby and I were OK. When we called and I told her I'm bleeding she was at the apartment in under ten minutes. She hung around and had coffee. She had on a long sleeve shirt but I noticed when she lifted her arm that she had slash marks all the way up her wrist. She is a cutter and she had been doing it again very recently by the looks of the wounds. I told Jonathan what I had seen after she had left. She took the girls with her so we could get a few hours of sleep. They went to the park and to McDonalds. She had them back in time for our apartment complex's Halloween Party. The girls had a really good time and were totally unaware of any of the drama that had gone on. They never asked about their mom's wounds as far as I know either.
So I am at work and exhausted. It has been a long weekend. We still have no clue as to how to handle this. He wants to talk to her and question the cuts on her wrists and tell her we know she was strung out. We still want her to go to rehab but I doubt she will. In the meantime what the hell do you tell the girls? This is a lose-lose situation. I am so far along in the pregnancy now and the stress from just this weekend feels like it has aged me three years.
Do me a favor. Pray that this woman realizes she has a very real sickness that she will not be able to get control of on her own. She NEEDS professional help for her mental illness and she needs a treatment program for the drugs. The only way this situation will have a happy ending is if she see's she isn't going to get better without help.