pity party? ~bit long
Recap: Since BM has had baby she's gone straight back into pulling at kids/ putting the pressure on. SD13 is supposed to stay with us 50% and SD11 35%. SD13 came 2 days late and so did SD11(leaving only 2 days to spend at our home).
I'm feeling annoyed about it all but we are leaving them to make their own choice, the alternative is just too hard on everybody. So BM takes and we give.
This weekend coming we are supposed to pick up SD13 on Sunday, but I don't think it will happen. I've got a new job (yeah!) with different hours so she'll have to take the bus to school from now on, but I will pick her up after school. Busstop just across the road and loads of other kids there, she's 13.
BM has plugged straight into SD13's fear and is feeding it. SD13 was in tears when she heard the 'terrible' news. So she doesn't want to come this Sunday so BM can drive her to school in the morning. We've tried ot calm SD13 down and rationalise her feelings a bit, but with her own mum undermining that what chance do we have??
SD11 is supposed to come this Wednesday but has been coming on Thursdays or even Fridays lately. This Thu coming is the release of New Moon in the cinema and BM has already told SD11 they can go and she can stay home on Friday because it will be a late night (don't get me started on all school days SD11 is missing again). That is too good an offer to refuse for SD11.
It's FDH's birthday coming up next Monday (when skids are not with us)and we were going to celebrate next Saturday (2 days before). BM has already told SD's she needs them to come to a birthday party of one of her colleagues (I know..how is this a big deal to the kids?). So SD13 has asked FDH what time we celebrate his birthday on the Saturday (hoping it would be 8am I guess :-) so she can go to both. FDH has told SD13 that we celebrate it afternoon/evening, no specific time. When SD13 asked if he would mind if they go with BM FDH replied: "You do what you think you have to do, but it is my birthday and I'd like you to be there, that is why we organise the party when you are with us." (And if SD's go with BM FDH will not hold it against them)
I admire FDH for his patience, he truly sees how the skids are pressured by their mom, and he shows empathy and patience. He knows this is best in the long run. It's more than I can say for myself. I also see BM's manipulations and how this affects the skids, it's so hard for them. And they deal with it so well, they are truly lovely kids. But at the moment I can just manage to keep a lid on it and put a smile on my face. I really want to be less irritated about the whole situation, and still be my happy self who makes the effort to create a nice family home, it used to come just effortless. But now I feel more grumpy and I have to take some distance from the skids to be able to deal with it. I can't give myself fully when I'm disengaging at the same time. Please help me, I feel so awful about it.