Any advice is welcome .
I'm 50 and my DH is 51 . we have been together for 4 1/2 yrs ,married 3 1/2. Bio mom left in 2004 and had very litle contact with her children who were 6 and 9 when she left . Until I came into the picture in 2007. We dated 18 months , I moved into his home and we married .Things semed to be going well . I have always been good to the children. We did activities together , ate dinners at the dinner table and I helped with homework and took them to Dr appointments and particpated in all school functions . I have never tried to be their mom and I only discipline when it is needed and DH is at work.Bio mom has visitation every other weekend .She lets them act and speak how ever they choose and are not disciplined by her. Children are now 13 and 16 . Due to bio mom telling the children they do not have to listen to me , speak to me or look at me. The children admitted that bio mom told them if they ignore me , I will eventually move out. This has gone on for the last year . we have talked to them and DH has even given them an ultimatum . Respect my wife or live with your mother , but there has been no change . If I'm speaking to their father , I'm rudely interupted as though I'm not even in the room. There has been correction and taking of privleges by DH , but to no avail . I no longer do anything for them , including cooking. My husbands answer is to ignore them . They were all for the marriage and were part of the wedding party and planned the wedding with us . SS isnow driving and has a car with very little supervision. They have always disrespected their mom even hitting and kicking her and name callingas recent as a month ago . I calmly sat them down the very first time they disrespected me and made it clear they would not behave that way to me or anyone in our home very early in the relationship. I'm now spending the Holidays with my father and younger brothers family. DH wants me to spend the Holidays in our home with him and SK's . DH does not want me to end the marriage . My adult daughters will no longer visit due to rude comments made to them by SK's in the past visit's. Sk's have been in family counseling and exstensive one on one due to abandonedment issues when their mother left in 2004. I have now given my huband an ultimatum .If your children will not speak to me and choose to not even look at me when Iam in their presence which is a form of disrepect . I will end the marriage. I recently lost my mom and this will be our families first Holidays with out her.My parents were married 62 years. Which makes the situation even more difficult.