And the truth comes out..
So Dd has been with dad since Thursday afterschool. I saw for a few minutes on Friday while I was working in the office and she was passing by going to lunch. Remember the clothes situation I had mentioned a while back? I send clothes for her to wear on Monday and they were keeping Thursday's clothes? Normally on Fridays she wears their clothes because she is going back to their house Friday afterschool. So I stopped packing clothes and all of a sudden, they send back all of her clothes and tell DD that she needs to pack her bag for Monday or she'll have to wear Thursday's clothes again.
Well I packed her a shirt for Monday but decided she could just wear the same jeans from Thursday on Monday. She wore them on Thursday, Friday and Monday AND they didn't send back the shirt from Thursday. But they don't wash the shirt... They'll just 'hang on to it' and then send it back dirty three weeks later waded up in her back. Have I mentioned I hate them?
Well tonight Dd told me, I wish I could have my daddy back. You know, the one that was married to you and loved us and was always happy?
And I pause.... Dh pauses.....
And then Dd says, well I don't want you to ever divorce stepdad but I just wish my Dad was the same guy he used to be. Now he is just weird and he's always mean and in a bad mood.
Then she tells me that she thinks stepmom's exhusband (stepsister's dad) is the perfect parent. I said 'there is no such thing as the perfect parent we all make mistakes'. She said but he is so cool. And he's really nice to me and I wish that his girlfriend was MY stepmom because she is really nice too.
For those that don't know, my daughter goes to her dad's eow Thursday to Monday and on sat and sun she goes with her stepsister to her Dad's house. At first it bothered me but then I realized that she gets more attention and love from this man and his gf than she does from dad and stepmom so it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I'm still documenting it and plan to use it in court but I do know that he is good to my Dd I just don't think she should be spending her time with her dad with someone else's dad. If that makes sense.
I asked Dd why she thinks he is perfect and she said because he is just cool. He plays games with us and he reads to us. He is never mean and his rules are not crazy. I don't have to call him DAD or his GF MOM I just call them by their first names. She told me, if GF made stepsister call her MOM, Sm would flip out'. Double standard much? Why is it demanded for my Dd to call SM MOM but if her own daughter was calling her sm MOM she would flip out?
So I think the truth came out tonight. Part of Dd wishes that Dad and I were still married. It must be really hard for her to comprehend all the divorce and remarriage. I've never thought of how it feels for her for her parents not to be together. She has always seemed well adjusted. We divorced when she was 4 and she doesnt have many memories of us being together. She remembers our house but she doesn't remember that I ever lived there. Is this normal? I could see a really young kid feeling this way or a kid that remembers their parents being married. But all of a sudden after all these years?
Also, I have a parent teache conference tomorrow. Apparently Dd is getting into some trouble at school and is not passing two classes. This is really weird. She has never been a problem in class and she has had her folder signed so much recently for behavior reasons that she has a B in conduct. As far as her grades, two teachers said it's because she isn't paying attention in class. She is either playing with her pencil, worrying about her neighbor or being chatty. Wow!! And it's her two favorite subjects. I'm wondering if this is her way of getting attention. I'm pretty disappointed but I don't really know how to handle it. Honestly I'm getting to the point where I think she is starting to manipulate me. I think she believes that if she cries and says how awful life is for her at dad's that I'm going to say 'oh poor Dd I'm so sorry your life is so rough let's try better and let's go have an ice crEam..'.
Know what I mean?
So any suggestions on how to handle this would be great.
This is one of those situations where it would just be best for dad to disappear because the situation has become so caotic that either way, the result is the same. She is yearning for her dad and he is right in front of her. If he wasn't, she would still be yearning for him.