refuse adult stepchild to move home?
A few weeks ago, my 27 year old stepdaughter was having some trouble on her job. She told her mother she was seriously contemplating quitting (she lives in a different state) and coming home to live with us. Given how long it would take her to get on her feet, find a place, etc., we're looking at six months minimum but more like 12 months or more. After a few days, however, things picked up a bit on her job and she is feeling better about it. Crisis averted, for now.
But it got me to thinking. If she did want to come home, could I refuse? How hard can a stepparent push on this?
I struggle, and our marriage really suffers, when my s/d is here for a 1 or 2 week visit. If she came home to live for months, I don't think I could survive it, and neither could our marriage.
But my wife is so devoted to her daughter that she cannot accept that. My s/d has a wonderful bio-Dad who would love to have her...but my wife would not have that either.
I feel like I was a good stepparent for 15 years, while my wife had near 100% custody except for a week or two here and there. when my s/d left for college and now for her job, it really changed my life. No more competition, jealousy, disrespect, meanness, fighting with my wife, etc. I'm healthier, our marriage is better, and so on. To put it bluntly, when my s/d is gone, I feel like a Dad and a wife (we have a teenage son, our own bio-child). It feels like the "family" I've always wanted. It has been a great 8 years. In my heart, I know I cannot go back.
Has anyone out there ever been able to convince their partner not to allow their adult child to live at home? Or is that relationship suicide?
Just worried that I may be faced with this...