New Stepmom Losing It! Help!
I am a 29 year old new stepmom and a new bio mom and completely overwhelmed. I met my fiance (who has a two kids 9,10) about two years ago, we go pregnant right away, had a miscarriage,then got pregnant had a baby, then had another miscarriage right after birth of baby this past may (even though we were using birth control). Basically I've been pregnant 16 months straight and my hormones, body, mind feel so out of whack. I used to be a very happy person, now I am only happy with my baby-who is a happy smiling angel!! What has me troubled is we have the two stepkids every other week and I can't bring myself to like them. There have been times where I have thrown fantastic parties and planned fun family time, but overall I just resent that they take time away from my fiance being there for me during miscarriages or being there for my baby. Basically every week they stay with us my fiance devotes 90 percent of his time to them. Some days he will spend only five minutes with me and the baby. I really lose it and get resentful when I am sick or with the miscarriages and my fiance thinks its more important to take care of the kids bc "I'm an adult." I think I'm doing a great job with my new baby, but the fact that my fiance doesn't help with the baby when the kids are with us has me exhausted and angry. Lately I have been so angry at my fiance that I don't want his kids to live with us any more. The kids have bad mouthed me to their mom and then she threatened me and my baby and my fiance did nothing about it until I forced him to. Also, I am still having complications with the miscarriage after a month of bleeding and may need a blood transfusion and have a dnc surgery. intellectually I understand its not the kids fault that they take time away from me and my baby spending with my fiance. But, I can't help resenting them to the point I can't even look at them, much less live with them. I am considering leaving my fiance bc of this situation and it breaks my heart bc I do still love him and want my son to have his daddy. Please help-I don't think I am cut out for this stepmommy stuff and may lose my love and baby's dad bc of it!