OT- My daughter/parenting/concerns
This is the wrong forum but every time I've posted in the other forums, I don't get the responses I hope to and/or I look like a newbie and no one knows my history. I trust you guys and always get great help: I think of you all as my dearest friends lol I know you'll tell me the truth:)
Dd is 10 1/2. 5th grade. Always a straight A student. Well mannered, polite. She's a bit smaller than her peers and a lot quieter. She is never a problem for us or for her teachers. Very good kiddo.
I'm worried about her. My Dh thinks I need to relax and that she is 'FINE' and that I'm probably over reacting and I probably am.. It's not like I'm flipping out and freaking out or losing sleep but I'm a mom and this is my first Time to be a mom of a tween... I've never been to this rodeo so I have concerns and I think they are valid.
Dd seems... Like a loner. I've always wonderEd why she doesn't seem to have a lot of friends or why she doesn't get invited to birthday parties or why no one invites her to spend the night etc. Tonight she had a little 'dance' fundraiser thing at school and she took a friend with her that goes to a different school. But I noticed that none of the girls that she is in class with even talk to her. They walk in little cliques and she isn't in one at all. Not even with the nerds. (sorry I was a nerd so I can say this) I asked Dd if she has friends. Yes she likes everyone in class. I asked if any of them talk to her, yes she has lots of friends. But then why don't they talk to her at a dance? I noticed that Dd is not on the same 'level' as her peers. For example: the girls are wearing clothes that I personally do not like. Off the shoulder shirts, tight pants, knee high boots, bangle bracelets, hoop ear rings, hair styles that their mothers or 30 year olds have... Am I a prude? I don't think I am... But they are 10 not 30... Hoop ear rings? Big hoops? I don't even wear that. I do let Dd wear ear rings but they are what I believe to be age appropriate. Maybe not. ?? Maybe I am in denial? Do you think I am? My Dd wears blue jeans mostly to school or shorts. They aren't super tight - just fitting... She has seven pairs of shoes. Tennis shoes, flat black shoes for skirts/dresses, flip flops, white sandals, jazz shoes, tap shoes and ballet slippers. Does she really need knee high boots? Or snow boots in Texas to wear over her jeans to look like my 17 yr old niece?? She wears shirts that I feel are age appropriate. I can't describe everything that she wears but I don't think I'm dressing her like the other girls in her class but I don't think I'm dressing her too young either. My point is, I don't want her to never have friends because of me. I can't imagine sending her to school looking the way these other girls look. WoW! Ya know?
My second concern is that I saw her tonight with a group of kids and I would say she is 'socially awkward'. I think I've always seen this but I've been in denial saying she is fine, she doesn't have to be like everyone else, she is sweet, she is polite. I saw her stop in the hallway and help a younger kid that was struggling with the water fountain. I thought to myself 'now that is amazing! How selfless and thoughtful of her!' I love this kid. I must have done something right. But when I see her with these 'cool' kids and they seem mature and relaxed, hanging out and Dd is giggling like a nervous mess and being a bit obnoxious out of anxiety, and then I see these kids look at her like she is 'weird' my heart crumbles. Then I internalize it of course: it's my fault. I've protected her for so long from everything. Maybe she is sheltered which could be a very bad thing. I don't mean to shelter her, I have no 'plan'. I take parenting and life one day At a time and take each hurdle as it comes. I never set out saying, this is how I'm going to do things because this is how I want my kid to turn out. But when I realize something isn't working, I research, read books, talk to other mom's and then adjust where I need to. Does that make sense? I think I'm a pretty laid back parent but now I'm wondering if being laid back has backfired on me because my daughter lacks motivation and she lacks the drive to be # 1. She is not aggressive by any means of the word. She probably is a follower on most days and falls into the shadows but I never paid attention until recently.
Any ideas? Any advice? Criticism is welcome. I don't know what to do but I'm thinking a change is necessary. She isn't a little girl anymore is she? She is growing up. She needs to hold her head up high and be strong and I want her to be Happy and have friends but I see a kid that thinks she has friends but yet not a one sees her when she walks through the door. It's almost like she is invisible. Maybe that's how I feel. I mean afreralll I don't have any friends at her school. I feel like a loner at the very same place I send her every day but I know it's a good school so who cares if I'm ms popular in the PTA. Ya know what I'm saying? I don't care what people think but At the same time I'm trying to talk myself into teaching my daughter how to fit in with girls that probably do not deserve her friendship any way because they seem like they will just be 'mean girls' in jr high any way ... But maybe not. Any suggestions? Mom needs to call the therapist for mom apparently. I'm feeling so down tonight because of this ...