Need Help and Direction with SS Situation
Before I start please do not respond if you have something negative to say. I've heard enough negative, I just need some advice and suggestions on this situation.
To give a little background. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, we have a 3 year old together and he has a 10 year old with someone that he barely knew when she got pregnant. She was also married at the time and has 2 other children by men she cheated on her husband with. Anyway, we dated for 2 years, living together for a year in a half before we got married. At the time my H saw the child one night a week and one weekend night. The BM calling anytime she had plans to go out and needed dad to keep him, wanted to go out with some random guy, etc. Well once she found out that I had moved in she started texting, calling, emailing my BF all the time (sexual references, pictures, etc). He told me about all these things, eventually the situation got ugly because we would have plans when she would call us last minute to keep the son and she got very ugly towards us. Anyway, things continued to get worse and they had to go to mediation (we were married with our child by the time this transpired) to try and "work it out." Well prior to mediation I talked to my husband and explained how I felt about the situation. He wanted to get the child half of the time (totally understandable) BUT he worked until late at night and weekend days, leaving me with his child and our child whenever it was our turn with him. I asked that he consider changing things so that his child was with us less due to the fact that the child was constantly getting into trouble at school, wouldn't do homework when I asked, wouldn't clean up after them self, left our house with their stuff everywhere even after being asked to put it away, etc. It was too much for me, I couldn't stand it and I didn't want my child seeing his child's negative behavior. Well my husband said "no, this is the way it is going to stay". So now we have a legal document stating that we have to have his child half of the time and my H's work hours have only gotten longer, and the negative behaviors have only become worse. My SK has no discipline at BM house and sees all the other siblings acting in the same manner and thinks it is okay. Well I want my H to go back and change the mediated agreement. I have nicely asked the BM to keep the son on occasion because I have had plans come up that I can't take my SK (I have family to keep my child), when my SK gets sick (during BM time) we've asked that she keep the child out of school and at her house until the child doesn't have a fever, but she sends the child to school and makes us pick the child up while the child is sick, inevitably giving it to everyone else at our house... I just can't do it anymore. I have tried to be flexible and I have tried to be nice, but I have begun to resent my SK, and my H due to the stress of canceling my plans, redirecting my SK a million times, trying to teach my child not to do what the SK does, etc. What can I do? I am with my SK every other week (Fri-Fri)from the time that school gets out until I do all the homework with SK, feed SK, make SK get in bed, etc. I have several events coming up on our scheduled weeks with the SK, but I need to be at these and the BM always gives us a hard time about asking her to keep her own kid when the father is at work. I do not feel that I should have this much responsibility of my SK. I do not mind the occasional week night or weekend, but every other weekend I am thrown into the role of basically a single parent (due to my H schedule) of a kid that isn't even mine, while that kids BM is off partying and having a great time. I'm stressed and this whole situation is putting a HUGE strain on my marriage. Anytime I try to bring this up to my H he gets defensive and we get in a huge fight. He thinks that I should change my plans when it is our time with the child instead of asking the BM to change hers.
I know this was long, I'm sorry I'm just frustrated and angry and hate my life every other week! I need some advice, I don't need any negative or mean comments. I know I married a man with a child, I am fine with that, I just don't think I should be the one having to be a "single" parent. I think that SK should be with BM if dad is at work on our weeks.