I want a baby too!
My boyfriend and I have been together more than 3 years now, he has 2 daughters. One will be 7 next week and the other is just over 3.(We got together around the same time she was born) I love these girls like they are my own and love spending time with them. Unfortunately, their mother wants me dead, and no that is not an exaggeration. She thinks I am the reason my boyfriend and her broke up, and 3 years later, still whines about it incessantly. So my relationship with the kids has to be hidden because she will throw a giant hissy fit if I am around them. My boyfriend only has the kids from 1:30-5 on Tuesday, but since his oldest is in school he doesnt get them until 3:30. Their mother allows him to keep them later as long as she thinks I am not there. If she were to find out I am, she will take the extra time away. It is a very tough situation for me. But this isnt what is really hard.
The hard part for me is that I want to have a kid with my boyfriend badly, but he doesnt! He is afraid that his kids will feel like they are being replaced, kindof. Like "why does the baby get to live with daddy and see him all the time and not us" I can understand the fear, but at the same time, I know that that doesnt have to happen. I have told him that if I had to choose between him and having a baby, I choose him. And its the truth, but at the same time, it hurts like hell! I do good a lot of thetime of not letting it phase me and accepting it but then there are times that it is all I can think about and all I can do is cry. Especially when birthdays, holidays and family events come up and I can be apart of it because the girls mother has to be around and will not let me within a mile of the kids. I just want to be apart of the family. It is just really hard and hurts like hell sometimes.
Any advice on how I can deal with this, and accept it better?