Help me!!

silverswordOctober 21, 2011

I need some encouragement. I'm so so so so irritated/mad/frustrated right now.

DD lost her (rent-to-own) music instrument. Like, three weeks ago. And didn't tell me.

I'm pissed, of course, mostly for the omission but also because it's fairly expensive.

But, I'm also pissed at DH. WHY is it the MOM's RESPONSIBILITY to keep track of the kids? Why do SM's get all the work, while SF don't?

How fair is that? I'm so irritated with him. He came in and said "DD, I told you not to keep it in the living room" and so I heard that and thought "maybe she moved it cause he said that" so I asked him and he's like, "I don't remember, don't go spreading your bad mood on me".


Empathy is fine. I don't need solutions, I'm just SO FRUSTRATED!!!!

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Silver I completely get you. It's not the same since I'm not an SM but I get frustrated that I have to do everything for my family and I feel like sometimes I have a third kid bc I got married. My DH uses the excuse that he isnt familiar with girls so he doesn't know how to help me with Dd. Well... It's been almost 5 years!!!! When are you gonna get it?? And bedtime/bathtime frustrates me because he will spout out an order to the kids but not make sure they follow through.

I get your frustration. And I got NO solution !! Lol

    Bookmark   October 21, 2011 at 7:41PM
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I totally get it as well!!!!

Another question to go with it..... why is it that when they are gone or at work and the kids are with mom or sm we are just taking care of the kids... but when mom or sm are at work or gone for the night... the dad is BABYSITTING?!?!?!?! How is it babysitting when it's their kid? Why is it ok for them to be gone but not us? UGH!!!! I get this all the time just because I work stupid odd shifts... dh HATES my stupid odd shifts because he hates "babysitting"... UGH!!

Glad you put this up silver! LOL!

    Bookmark   October 21, 2011 at 8:59PM
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"And bedtime/bathtime frustrates me because he will spout out an order to the kids but not make sure they follow through."

My DH does that, too! There are nights when the kids are getting ready for bed that I seriously want to run away from home----it's utter chaos with them tripping over each other, getting in and out of the bathroom, taking dirty clothes to the hamper, brushing teeth, oooops someone forogt to brush their teeth, back they go, then someone needs a drink of water, out to the kitchen they come...AUUUGHHHH. And DH just sits around and calls things out to the kids but never gets off his @$$ to do anything.

Did I mention I hate bedtime? I always say we need to start the process thirty minutes earlier because it seems like it takes thirty minutes for anything to be accomplished!

Silver---I'm sorry! That really sucks about the instrument. :-(I'm assuming you've sent an email out to other parents----just in case another child accidentally took it home? It is so frustrating when things just *disappear* because you KNOW it's got to be SOMEWHERE.

Fingers crossed it somehow turns up!

    Bookmark   October 22, 2011 at 2:55PM
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What instrument is it? I have a clarinet I'd happily ship to you... bought it for SD two years ago & she only used it one year before switching schools. Her new school doesn't have a mandatory music class like her old one. She won't need it.

I think we can all empathize with DH's thinking the house/family are woman's work & expecting us to do everything, even when we work. Heck, I work longer hours than DH, plus being responsible for a 2 year old. He comes home & makes a comment if dinner isn't started.

Bedtime is the ONLY time that isn't stressful for us...yet.

SD has a routine and is good about taking shower & being in bed at 9. Her routine starts at 8 & she rushes through her shower (the other night, I gave DGS a quick bath and when I came out, SD was already drying her hair. She couldn't have spent but four or five minutes getting her stuff, showering, & dressing before blow drying her hair) but she goes fast so she can watch tv for a few minutes before bed. DH is usually preoccupied with other stuff & she does what she wants (ie. "forgets" to brush her teeth, etc.) and a couple of weeks ago, he was in the kitchen talking to her about her failing to turn in her homework & the baby distracted him for a minute... SD began slowly walking backwards toward her room. DH didn't even notice until I told him. She's learned that he gets distracted & forgets to follow through with her. Of course, bad Ima is here to remind him... another reason to not like me. That is one of the things we are discussing in marriage counseling. His lack of parenting & his resentment against me when I decided to not do anything for SD. He is getting better but he is also OCD and maybe a little ADD/ADHD (undiagnosed) because he obsesses on things & is easily distracted to the things he obsesses over. He doesn't obsess over what SD is doing... actually, it's quite the opposite. He doesn't want to deal with THAT.

Sorry Silver, I wish I had some advice. I don't. ((hugs)) PS. Send me a private email if you could use the clarinet.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2011 at 6:22PM
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Imma-- same here. I work longer hours. I think our stress levels may be similiar but I punch a time clock and can get overtime where Dh is salary And can't. But he can leave 15 before 5 and it's not noticed. He is often home befor I have even left the office. Financially we need the over time so I'm doing this FOR our family so could I get a little reinforcement at home please? It would he nice to come home to dinner being started since I just worked an hour longer so that we could have a few hundred bucks more a week in our pockets BUT alas, it's overlooked and hardly acknowledged ... Blah

    Bookmark   October 22, 2011 at 7:59PM
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I'm with you all!

SS has a doctor's appointment this morning so DH was taking him, dropping him off at school after and then proceeding directly to work. So, which one of us A) called the school bus company to tell them SS wouldn't be at the stop (he's the only kid at his stop and it's a magnet school so it's mostly only one kid per stop - as such they tend to wait for a few minutes if you don't call) B) called school to let them know where he was, C) made sure he ate a big breakfast since he'll miss lunch D) made sure that insurance card was taken E) made sure SS went up to change because he forgot to put on school uniform (he kept thinking "doctor" and was in sweats F) reminded both to make sure doctor's excuse was obtained and G) threw them both out the door on time. That doesn't even count H) took SS to the pediatrician to get the referral on the first place I)scheduled all of the appointments with this doctor or J) made sure DH had told his boss he needed this morning off.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that DH sat around all morning doing nothing, and he is the one who is missing work - but it's exhausting trying to remember every single thing that needs to be done! I don't know how people with lots of kids can do it at all!

Myfampg, we just got a freezer. (Yay us!) I've been wanting one for the longest time. I'm going to stuff it chock-full of frozen casseroles and soups. Even if I'm the one who has to throw it into the oven to cook (which, in fairness, I probably won't be), it still leaves free time instead of walk in the door right to frantic making dinner. I got lots of great recipes where you just double it and one is for dinner, one for the freezer, so it should fill up in no time.

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 10:44AM
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After reading all these gripes, I am even more confident that my decision to NOT blend households with my GF of 3+ years (I have two kids, she has one) is the right one. I like being 100% responsible for everything having to do with my kids when I have them (50% of the time). I know if my GF lived with us, I'd probably start pushing some things off on would make things so much easier in some ways. But I like it this way, it insures that I am doing the dirty-work of being a parent (cooking/cleaning/laundry/helping with homework/helping clean rooms/etc.) that so many dads successfully avoid. In the end, I think it makes me closer to my kids....

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 10:50AM
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Ima, you are absolutely too kind. Thank you so very much for the offer.

LOL Love... I wish I could send out an email. DD's school isn't like that. I doubt 99% of the school has email. We are something like 50% ESL for the students and 90% for the parents. When we have assemblies the principal says "does anyone here need English?".

Myfam: "It would he nice to come home to dinner being started"

CAN I GET AN AMEN???????????

Mattie: "'s exhausting trying to remember every single thing that needs to be done! I don't know how people with lots of kids can do it at all!"

EXACTLY! My schedule is SO FULL... but when I don't give DH ample notice about an event, he doesn't go because he didn't get enough prep time. GRRRRRRR

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 11:57AM
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Ok I have to publically apologize to my husband:

Mr Myfam:
I am so sorry for bashing you on a public forum today. Tonight when I got home from taking Dd to dance and picking up DS from grandma it was incredibly late. Dd had a project to complete and you stepped right in to get her situated and started. No you didn't help make dinner and no you didn't help with bathtime BUT thank you so much for taking over cleaning the kitchen after acknowledging that I had made dinner, vacuumed the living room, swept the kitchen floor and started a load of laundry, all while supervising bath/shower for both kids AND you told me what a great job I did.

I hope that tomorrow we have a repeat because I really had a good night knowing that the kitchen was the one thing I did not have to do tonight. AND thank you for finding my coffee cup and cleaning it for tomorrow. I would have had a bad morning for sure if I wasn't able to use my cup. And thank you also for getting baby boy in bed and reading him a story while I chatted on the phone to my sister who I haven't talked to in a few weeks. That was really nice. OH and thank you for letting me watch my show instead of the World Series.

Now if I find out that you are spying on me and reading my secret forum, and that is how you knew what needed to be done tonight, I'll smother you in your sleep :)
Your wifey

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 11:54PM
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HAHAHAHA, myfam!!! That's great! Well, it is great that your dh stepped up for you but it's so funny you put that last line in there. I actually go back and delete the history on my home computer so my dh can't read it. (I'm not trying to be sneaky but he does do history checks and I don't need him checking up on my vents, :)

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 12:27AM
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Exactly momof3. He knows I have 'friend's' in a forum but doesn't need to read when I am complaining about him. I've read some posts to him because some have been great advice and some have been WTF? But he doesn't need to know any more than that lol it's my
Little secret. He has his online gaming xbox whatever thing that he does ... This is my thing

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 1:09AM
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lol, my husband knows all about the forum. I leave it open sometimes. He's tried to read a thread a couple of times & gave up... said it was too much reading.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 10:20AM
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LOL Myfam.

My DH knows about it too, and I'll read it to him sometimes. He always asks "is this a real friend or an internet friend". Too much reading for him too Ima :)

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 11:30AM
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UPDATE: DD came home today with the flute. Goodness knows where it was, because I called the office and it wasn't there... then it was.

You should have seen her little face. All this, the day after I made her write a schedule to record chores, agreed pay ($8/hr), and rate of payback.

She was crying over the $250 last night because I had her do the rental math ($20-ish a month) and how long it would take to pay it off. A year sure sounds like a long time.

It was then I told her at one hour a day, seven days a week she could have $56 per week. Paying it off in under two months sounded pretty good to her.

I only wish I'd have had a day or two for her to start working so she'd have gained a little more (and I would have paid her for it :) but oh well. Just so glad to have it back.

Plus, what should I have done? Gotten her a new rent-to own instrument so she could continue to be in band? Made her quit band? ouch...

I dunno. Maybe now I should make her work off the money for the flute and make it hers?

    Bookmark   October 28, 2011 at 7:59PM
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I think you should make her work it off and make it her's. She will take care of it from now on. Of course, it's not the same in $. But Dd played the recorder in music last year. It's $12. It broke on the last week of school last year. She needed it this year for music as well and promptly told me, I need a new recorder for music. Ummmm huh?

So I reminded her that she had one that she was swinging around like a bat just three months prior and she broke it on the wall... Reminding her how she said 'oh well school is out'. I said you can super glue it back together. Oh the shock on her face!!! So she worked to earn the $12 plus the $5 for the strap and the additional $5 for the cleaning kit... And she takes VERY good care of this one!!!

    Bookmark   October 29, 2011 at 1:20AM
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Good for you Myfam! That's exactly the same. The difference in price doesn't matter. If a recorder were an option, believe me, that's what she'd be swinging too!

I think you're right. If you earned it you take a lot better care of it. Thanks for responding :)

    Bookmark   October 29, 2011 at 8:33PM
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My best friend in high school got a new car when she turned 16. She was the first of all of us girls to get a car. Her dad always handed her whatever she wanted because her mom had abandoned her as an infant and dad felt guilty so he was always buying her happiness. She wrecked it immediately. At the same time, he dad fell in to some financial hardships and could not replace the car right away since the insurance money did not cover the cost of the car to begin with. So she got a job. She ended up saving enough to get a new 'used' car. A girl from school was being silly one day and ran on top of the hood over the windshield to the roof and down the trunk. She didn't cause any damage to the car but OMG I will never forget the reaction of my friend. 'who gave you permission to do that to MY car? You didn't get a job, work all summer long to save for a car so you wouldn't understand! When you buy a car with pennies you work your heart out for, you will understand why someone jumping on your car makes you mad!! Don't abuse my things!!' she babied that car. Washed it, hand dried it, no food, no drinks, no dirty shoes, parked way out so it wouldn't get dinged... But it was comical because with the brand new car daddy bought her, she was reckless, careless, totaled it immediately. But this one she had to work for that was already 'used' she protected with every Inch of her life! It's a good lesson for kids to learn. They take care of their things when it comes from their money.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2011 at 12:54AM
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