Resenting my partners child.
I am 19, and my partner is 23. He has a six year old son from a previous relationship. The mother split with him as soon as she found out she was pregnant, and is now in a gay relationship. She prevented him seeing his child for 3 years or so after he was born.
Now, after being in a serious of verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationships, I am so happy to have found someone who is kind, faithful, gentle, thoughtful and who genuinly loves me. However, I am really struggling with dealing with him having a child. At the beginning of our relationship I spend every weekend with them, went to hospital with them (his son has kidney failure and needs dialysis 3 times a week), drove them to the park, the play centre, the shops, whereever they wanted to go. But I now haven't seen his son for months. He is a lovely kid, but I have slowly grown to hate him. I don't want to see him because I don't want him to pick up on this. I get on with his son really well, he is polite, friendly, and has been raised very well. I don't hate HIM just the idea of him. I hate that my partner has a child with another woman, and I either have to be weekend mum which at my age I struggle with, or cut all ties. Whenever I am with both of them my partner completely ignores me and I end up just being their taxi driver. He works late during the week so I only see him a couple of nights and spends every weekend with his son.
I have never and would never ask him to stop seeing his son, however, I have asked him to cut it back to every other weekend, so we can spend more time together. He said I was being unreasonable, however, I always believed relationships are about compromise, which I am trying to do. I don't want this relationship to end, but I don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable? How can I deal with this situation better?
I love him so much. And I wish I could go back to the time where I was ok with all this. I've tried explaining that the problem is that he ignores me when we're together and he says that he's a child so needs all his attention. I understand to a certain extent, but I might as well not be there.
I always wanted to have my first child and make it a shared experience. But I know if I want that to happen I can't stay in this relationship. So do I give up on my dreams, or change them? I am concerned that my partners son will always come before our own children if we decide to have them one day.
When we first got together, I loved how mature he was, and seeing how much of a good dad he was made me even more attracted to him. But I now resent his child - and him a little bit - so much that I'm scared my feelings are too deep rooted to change.