My first post. I could use some advice.
So glad I found this website!! I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He's 31 and I'm 24, he has two kids from a previous marriage, a daughter who is 10 and a son who is 6. I also have two little girls 2 and 3. I never thought I would be dating a divorcee or someone who already kids but he is absolutely without a doubt the man I want to be with. We both made mistakes, we both married young. His was because she was pregnant, mine was because we were dumb and 'in love'. His wife cheated on him twice and he did everything to hold that family together. He worked multiple jobs, got them into counseling, he tried. She did little to nothing except worry about herself. She met and married someone within a year. She then took for Hawaii with his kids. They made agreements but she never stuck to them. She would always guilt him into things and he would fold. I do partially blame him because she has now gotten used to this and still thinks she can get her way. I could deal with her but when his kids come over they are horrendous. I think it's because he see's them for such short times he feels he can't discipline them (he tells me he feels like a glorified babysitter). His daughter is the worst, she is spoiled and ungrateful and rude. They were at my daughter's 3rd birthday and I went out of my way to make her feel special but all she did was pout the entire time. I am embarrassed to be seen with them in public because of the way they act, she is also using phrases and asking questions I wasn't asking until I was 15 or older. I do chalk some of that up to times have changed but when I ask her to stop or tell her it's inappropriate she never listens. They way he is with my children versus his kids is night and day. He is amazing with my girls, the kind of dad they deserve and need. He will discipline (usually just the big things) but with them he isn't afraid. With his kids he is afraid to parent. I don't want my kids or myself to resent the difference in parenting. Sorry this is so long, I have had a lot on my mind for a long time. How do I deal with this? She's already 10 and I feel the damage is done, she is going to be as classless and manipulative as her mother. My bf and I were also talking about moving to another state, (his kids are back in the state but because her new DH is military they are more than likely going to move again this year) we were also talking about having a small beach wedding after we move. If we do the small beach wedding do his kids need to be there or in it? Logistically speaking I don't even know who would watch them, he only would have friends coming, not family and my family isn't overly impressed with his kids and I wouldn't ask them to take on two more children. Again sorry so long. I just rally needed to vent. I feel so bad about how I feel and try and keep it to myself so I really needed this. :)