What's the funniest/most embarassing thing your kid/skid's said?

silverswordOctober 2, 2008

I'll go first. We were in Kmart and this woman and I started talking about how we were trying to find those non-slip things you put at the bottom of the bath. She walked off a few feet to look, I found them and handed them my my FSDD. She was 3 1/2. She held them up and yelled, "hey, black lady, look!" and held them up. I nearly died.

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Well pretty much anything they blurt out pertaining to their mother embarrasses the hell out of us. They were announcing to perfect strangers that "Nathan tried to choke my mom." Of course they would look up horrified at Jonathan thinking he was Nathan and I was mom. Then you have to semi-explain the situation or just walk away quickly and hope they don't call DFAC. Terrific times.

They constantly call people black or fat. I guess kids don't feel the need to censor...they just call it like they see it. they'll also gawk at people missing legs or arms, in wheel chairs, etc. Once we saw a dwarf in the mall and one of them asked me "Whats wrong with that kid?" The guy was two feet from us. You gamble being mortified anytime you take them any where.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:21PM
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I dont think you should not be repeating embarassing things your FSD did. YOu should not be encouraging laughter at tehir expense.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:22PM
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May have told this here before, but I don't think I'll ever forget it, so you don't get to, either!

We had spent all day at an amusement park, & it was late.

I was too tired to function, & I was new to the children thing.

I was bathing my now-ex's 3-year-old son, & I said, "Well, let's see. Have I washed everything?"

& he said, enunciating very carefully,

"no, syl-vee-ah. you did-dn't wash my peen-us."

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:23PM
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DH and I took the skids to the park. My younger sister came with us. DH had SD6, I had SS4, and my sister was walking with SD2. SD2 has a facination with.....ahem....mammaries. So we walk into the park and out of no where SD2 says to my sister, "You have BIG ninnies!" then proceeded to "honk" them.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:34PM
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I think I have mentioned this before but the girls have always called their private parts UNI's (pronounced eww-knee.) They JUST now are calling it a vagina because I have staretd trying to teach them the correct terminology for body parts.

Well anyway, there was this one morning where the girls came into the room to wake us up like normal and when J got up to use the restroom he was AHEM....dangling out of his boxers and one of the girls saw the dangler. J was MORTIFIED. He didn't even want to talk about it so I had to explain why daddy's "uni" was different.

At dinner that night it was really quite and everyone was shoving their mouths full of food and out of the clear blue...."Does daddy have a LOOOONG Uni?" Jonathan put down his fork and put his face in his hands and turned eight shades of scarlet while I spewed my patatoes all over the dinner table. Classic.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:36PM
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Way back in 1997, I was driving my two BS's to their babysitters home and was behind this REALLY slow guy. He was doing 20 in a 45. It was horrible. Every chance I had to pass him failed because there were oncoming cars. Finally, I got my chance and started to pass him. Wouldn't you know it...the guy speeds up. FAST. I was going faster trying to get around him. I couldn't just stop and get back behind him because his slowness had created a LONG line of other cars lined up behind him...FINALLY I got around him...but by the time I did I was back into double yellow lines, getting ready to go around a corner...with a sheriff's deputy coming right at me head on. The sheriff spun around and pulled me over. I was scared. I tried to explain what happened when my sweet little red headed eldest son, then 4, chimed in. "Mr. Policeman...please don't give my mommy a ticket. She was only speeding because she is late for work, is all. Please?" Needless to say, the deputy let me go...without a ticket.

A couple of years ago my SS11 was talking about religion as we drove home. He said "You know how some people have bad bibles? Well, I think my aunt has one of those bad bibles..." I said "Oh?" And he, exactly in these words, said, "Yeah, because in her bible it said you should not want your neighbor's wife and you should not want your neighbor's A-word."

I admit it. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I calmly explained what the biblical Ass was referring to and he understood...after we got home I went to my bedroom and laughed out loud for at least a half hour.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:48PM
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Years ago, when my two oldest children were about seven or eight, my husband and I had rented a james bond flick to watch on the vcr. We put the kids to bed, over their protest that they wanted a movie night too, settled in and watched.

The next morning at church after service, the kids were shaking the pastors hand on the way out, and my husband and I were talking with some friends. The pastor came over to us with a HUGE SMILE on his face and said

Sooooo, your boys are telling me that you two were watching GROWNUP MOVIES last night.

I just about died , thinking that the pastor assumed that it was porn :)

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 4:54PM
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My son was pretty young (maybe 4) and we were in a fitting room at a store and I was trying on pants. My son loudly says "those are some nice underwear your wearing".

After that I did not go into fitting rooms with him!

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 5:44PM
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I took my daughter (she was 7) to the market with me ... my son was allergic to milk so we had to try a soy based formula so as I was walking in the market she wanted to go home I said ok I just have to get formula for the baby ... she ran off yelling

"I'll get the BREASTMILK"

Took my daughter out shopping for a new dress ... the sales girl asked her why she was getting a new dress my daughter all happy said ... "I am going to my grandmothers funeral and my mom said I needed a new dress" ...

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 5:55PM
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When my DD20 was about 2 she was in the bath room with me while I was getting ready to take a bath. Just before I stepped into the tub she looked up at me, patted me on the leg and said..."Poor Mommy."

When DS16 was about 7 he had gotten in trouble for doing something that he shouldn't have. I told him to go to his room and think about what he had done and then come out and talk to me about it. He was in his room for about 5 minutes...he came out and said he was ready to talk so we sat down...."Well...what did you think about?" I asked. He said.."I think that you need to change your attitude."

DS had a hard time with elementary school. One day he wouldn't get out of the car for the longest time to go into school. When he did get out he took off running across the playground and the school psychologist had to come and catch him and carry him into the school. All I could do was stand by the car....I had driven him to school in my flannel night gown.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 5:58PM
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Doodle, the same thing happened with my daughter! She walked in when Grandpa was peeing and told me "Grandpa has a really big yoni!" (sanskrit for vagina) I nearly died! Then, of course, came the conversation...

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 6:23PM
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When my DD was about 4 we were going through a fast food drive thru and when we got to the window, I immediately thought the guy was...ahem...fruity. Well, DD yells "Hey Mom, that boy is like a girly boy." I started saying "Shhh" She yelled "Why? Is it quiet time now?"

Another time she was about 2 and we were in a public restroom. I started to change my pad and she started clapping excitedly and yelled repeatedly, "Mommy has a diapers too" I could hear chuckling throughout the stalls.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 6:46PM
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Nivea, that is so funny! It reminded me of babysitting my niece when I was 16 and she was two. I took her in the stall with me and she said, "I want to see the bloody pad" OMG. And for a 16 yr old?!

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 7:12PM
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My friend was in the grocery checkout line with her kids. In line in front of her was a larger lady wearing a bright blue dress. Her son, about 3 at the time, walked up to the woman and patted her behind. pat pat pat. My friend, quite embarrassed, apologized to the woman; "I'm so sorry, I don't know why he did that, I'm so sorry." The lady graciously accepted her apology. All was well. My friend turned to her son, "(child's name) why did you do that?"

I don't know, mommy, I just wanted to touch the big blue butt!

    Bookmark   October 2, 2008 at 9:10PM
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Oh gosh, I could never pick just one as all three have given me SO many options, but I think the 4 year old has the most to pick from as he talks like a 40 year old. For example, just the other night . . .

Me: "DS4, you are aren't making very good decisions today."
DS4: "Well Mommy, you aren't giving me very good options."

How exactly does one argue with that logic?

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 1:01AM
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Oh jeez, every interaction with A__ is an adventure of bizarre statements...
For example, tonight I knew the towel hanging in the bathroom was damp, so I wanted him to have a fresh one for his shower. I warned him that I would be tossing a towel into the bathroom, and when I cracked the door open he said "When you were coming, I made sure to cover my private instead of my nipple"
I love that "private" was singular... not "privates" as one would normally say. And am still puzzled why he was covering his nipple in the first place! And why only one nipple? What a baffling child! (Gotta love him)

Taking him anywhere is an adventure in lack-of-tact... Like the time he asked a girl in a line-up why she shaved off her eyebrows and drew them on with a "marker" instead. She just stared at him blankly until he told her that he thought it was "stupid to mess up your face like that"
He had a point - she did look ridiculous... But still not an appropriate thing to say.

Or the time in a parking lot when I told him not to climb on the cart-return station because he could fall and he YELLED across the way to me "I BET IF I FELL, IT WOULD HURT MY BALLS!!!"
(I'm so sick of hearing about his balls - yeesh!)

I do like that he says what he thinks, and it can be pretty funny... But it did take me awhile to get used to :)

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 1:12AM
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Kids are sooo funny.

Well I already mentioned my son pointing at the large lady and saying "look at the size of that thing." That was pretty bad.

Last night as I was getting in the shower with my DH3 she said "I see your butt mommy!" "I see your big butt mommy!" I said "its not big, well yeah it kind of is, but isn't it cute?" She said "no its pretty!" Then at the end of the shower I was bending over her to dry her off (she is in a big Dora and Swiper phase) and she grabbed at my booblies and pretended to throw them (like swiper does) and said "you'll never find that one" then she grabbed at the other one and pretended to throw it and said "you'll never find that one again either" didnt sound to bad to me.

Once when SS was about 6 we were talking about Spiderman, who he loved at the time. We asked if Spidey was his hero and he said in a rather put out way "No what has Spiderman ever done for us."

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 8:39AM
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OMG mom1sm2, my daughter says "wow mom, you have a biiiiig butt" and my mom started laughing and I said, hey don't laugh and then my daughter said "just like grandma".


who's laughing now?! It was great, we both just starting laughing until we were almost crying, with DD looking at us like we're nuts.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 12:15PM
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oops I meant DD3 not DH3! Yikes

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 12:33PM
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Oh, I have to add another one that you guys just reminded me of! LOL! SS11 is always entertaining...about 6 months ago, he and my BS11 had a "puberty" class at school. They came home and were explaining things that they learned to me. SS11 suddenly says "And I finally found out what my nuts are called! They aren't BALLS! They are my 'sock-trum'..." It took me a few seconds to understand what he was saying...I was just nodding affirmatively and suddenly it hit me..."OHHH, your SCROTUM!"

The puberty class day was a little crazy though. My BS11 had a sudden rapid heartbeat and fainted in the class and I was scared to death that he may have inherited my mitral valve prolapse. SS11, not knowing about this possible health issue, said "I know what made him pass out" and he produced a photo in their handout of the male genitalia. I took BS11 to the doctor and had a heart monitor placed on him for 30 days. They found absolutely no issues with his heart and believe that the reason he fainted was due to anxiety...so SS11 may have been right after all.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 2:14PM
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We had a funny one yesterday --

My youngest son is 12 now, but still struggling with his reading, so we follow a very particular program that includes seeing a reading specialist twice a week. In yesterday's session, he was trying to decode the word 'yearn' -- but it wasn't coming out quite right. One of the keys in this program is that the parents/tutor never just come right out and tell the child the word, the child needs to figure it out using the rules he has learned and linguistic clues. So John is insisting that he does know the word and is saying it right -- which is possible given his good vocabulary and speech issues -- so I ask him to use the word in a sentence. He turns to me, puts on a stern face, shakes his finger and says:

"John Douglas, is that 'yearn' all over the floor again!?"

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 4:03PM
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My DD was playing with some friends yesterday and I overheard her say, "no, because I'd go bald". I'm thinking, what could she possibly be talking about. Then she said, "bald, bald, you know? Like when you look up at the sun, you go bald?"

(She meant blind, of course)

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 4:45PM
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Aw, man... these stories are actually making me want kids. TOO FUNNY, all of it.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 4:46PM
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Driving down the road with my mom in front seat wife and SS in the back. SS was maybe 2 . Car backs out into road from driveway directly in front of me. Slam on breaks avoid collision. Before i can ask if everyone is alright. Clear as a bell I hear SS voice ring out through out the car

glance at my mom and i am getting the STARE over top of her glasses and she says " and I wonder where he learned that from " and that wonderful voice again rings out "HIM"

    Bookmark   October 4, 2008 at 1:35PM
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Twoyur, my boss was telling me about him driving down the road with his wife and four year old daughter (now 26). The car in front of the was driving badly, and as they finally passed the car his daughter yelled "learn how to drive, A-hole"! The dad looked at the mom, and she started cracking up. He knew where the daughter had learned it!

Out of the mouths of babes...

    Bookmark   October 4, 2008 at 2:43PM
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We had moved to a new city when my DS was @ 2. My new neighbor & I took him to Walmart with us. As we were leaving he wanted to stay and look at toys and I told him no and picked him up to carry him. He started yelling "BULL HOCKEY" over & over at the top of him lungs. My neighbor looked at me horified but all I could do was laugh. Not sure who taught him that but we never expected him to use it to his advantage.

    Bookmark   October 4, 2008 at 6:38PM
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I was standing in the grocery check out line a few years ago and a little 4 or 5 year old girl could not help herself from twisting around to stare at me. I'd been going thru chemo and had no hair, my face was made up with lipstick and such, just no hair.
I said to her "I look pretty funny don't I"?
She giggles and replies in the sweetest little voice "You look like my Dad "!

    Bookmark   October 4, 2008 at 7:46PM
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That's really cool that you understood the kid was just being a kid and didn't let the gawking ruin your day.

A few years ago I was really overweight. I am 5'1 and weighed at the time almost 200 pounds. I was pretty self conscious about it because I had always been really skinny in school. Everytime I went some where kids asked me if I was pregnant. It really hurt my feelings for awhile but I got to a point to where I just said "Nope hon, I'm just fat." The parents always looked mortified...hahahaha. Anyway, I lost the weight and now I really AM pregnant so I don't mind the "are you pregnant?" comments because I can say "Why yes. Yes I am."

    Bookmark   October 6, 2008 at 9:14AM
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bump I had trouble finding this one :)

    Bookmark   February 14, 2009 at 1:59PM
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When my DD was 4 or 5, just learning to read and spell she could not say her step moms name well (Leah) came out of her cute little mouth as weah. My boyfriend at the time teased her about it a bit and she got quite upset. Defending herself and the honor of her SM she spelled it out for us spelling bee style LEAH---H_I_P_P_O! I think that's the hardest she's hever had me laughing she was so sure she was telling us, and it was particularly funny to me because Leah weighed more than me, so I found the hippo reference funny.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2009 at 11:22PM
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Not embarassing, but funny to me....yesterday, my darling son (8) looked at the morning news horrified and I asked him, what was wrong. He replied "A plane crashed near buffalo and I'm freaking out!"
Me, being terrified to fly, assume that he is relating this to our upcoming flight and trying to figure out how I wil lcalm his nerves when I require medication to get on the plane myself. So, I ask him what about it freaks him out and he says to me "well, I want to know if the buffalo died!"
He is an amazing lover of all animals and had no idea Buffalo was a city. LOL

    Bookmark   February 14, 2009 at 11:33PM
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We had a party a few years ago and my Sd asked in front of everyone
"when are we going to sex it up again to have a girl"
I found it funny,. not embarrassed at all. lol,
My son on the other hand completely embarassed me when he was about 2 years old. We had my cousin bring over one of his friends that just came from England for a visit.
Well, my son really likes girls with long dark hairs AND he loves to touch...you guessed it! their breasts!
So low and behold i'm meeting this person for the first time, my son is cute so she picks him up and what does he do and say? : ' oh, boobees!" and he gropes her with both hands on both her breasts! I was EMBARASSED and loss of words, i apologized...then he reached up and ripped her necklace right off her! RRRRRRr...

    Bookmark   February 15, 2009 at 11:57AM
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